Ziskind suggests when practicing BDSM or any sexual fantasy, to have all parties involved sign a typed contract. “This contract will list the details of the event that will be taking place, what is OK and not OK, areas that are allowed to be touched, what everyone will wear, how long it will take place, the rules such as dominant and submissive each party will have, etc.,” says Ziskind. “Essentially, this document protects everyone, because everyone is on the same page at the beginning.”
Beyond the group dynamic, individuals may want to think about personal rules and boundaries. Rules and boundaries will help ensure a sense of safety for all people involved.
Discuss Expectations
It’s critical to manage expectations going into any group sex situation. Don’t expect a porn scene. More importantly, it’s OK if nothing happens. Sometimes, even the most carefully laid plans get derailed by stage fright. It’s OK. If you’re partnered, be sure boundaries are crystal clear and communicated before anyone gets naked.
Have an Open Mind
Keeping an open mind in a group sex scenario is imperative. It's likely you'll be interacting in a highly intimate way with people of various genders, sexual orientations and preferences. Respect is an absolute must. If you don’t think you can handle a wide variety of people and forms of pleasure, give your participation a serious second thought. That said, being receptive to new people and ideas can teach you something new about your sexuality.
Practice Enthusiastic Consent
Consent is essential. You may know your partner(s) every quirk and behavior, but it’s absolutely imperative to get an enthusiastic, verbal “yes” when engaged in any activity that involves sex or touch. Nobody is a mind reader, and a lot can get lost in translation. Especially if guests plan to imbibe, it’s super important that all sex acts are discussed and agreed upon, either in advance, and/or in the moment.
Keep It Safe
STIs are on the rise. Hopefully, this will inspire you to make smart decisions about safer sex. There should be conversations in advance about how protection will be handled, including verifying current STI status and using condoms and dental dams for play. It’s always a good idea to keep lube on hand, but keep in mind that most massage oils and oil-based lubes will compromise the quality of latex and silicone lube doesn’t always add to the longevity of your fav sex toy. Also, be sure to bring your preferred method of birth control.
Read: Be a Safer Sex Superhero in 6 Steps
Communicate
I cannot reiterate this enough: communication is so, so important - and so damn sexy, especially at a sex party. Whether it's asking to touch or to perform a specific sex act on someone, permission must be given. Jealous feelings may also bubble up in the moment. The best way to stay in the moment is to speak up if something feels off. It may not be a deal breaker, but merely acknowledging those feelings may help you experience pleasure. Group sex and gang bangs can be wonky, especially for first-timers, but if you recognize that you and your partner both have similar intentions, it can be a relationship builder.
Process the Experience
As with any big sexual first or adventure, it’s important to process the post-play feelings and emotions. Give yourself time to exhale and come down from the almighty adrenaline high, then think about the experience in a more subjective manner. What did you like? Not like? What would you want to explore more? If you’re coupled, this can be an excellent opportunity to talk with your partner about any feelings that may have come up during the gang bang.
Most importantly? Have fun, be safe, communicate and practice consent. The prospect of having a gang bang may be daunting, especially due to all the logistics and (literal) moving parts. But, like most sex acts, group sex can be a thrilling experience with proper planning and safety measures in place. So, go on. Get all the (repeated) pleasure. I'm right behind you.
