Giving head. Lip service. Going down. Eating out. Blowjob. Tossing salad. Call it what you want, just don’t call me late for oral sex!
How to Give Great Oral Sex
For many, oral sex is a must-have for great sex—both intimate and full of pleasure. The problem is, not all oral sex is great. Unsatisfying or unpleasant experiences with oral can lead people to be uninterested—despite its significant pleasure possibilities.Let’s make sure these amazing sensations and awesome orgasms fall right in your lap with tips and techniques for oral sex.
A Note about Safer SexOral sex and safer sex techniques are not mutually exclusive. The risk of sharing sexually transmitted infections during oral pleasure is real. Condoms, dental dams or other barrier methods are highly recommended for folks who are not fluid-bonded.
Learn Through Listening
The absolute key to oral sex is communication and a willingness to learn. The ability to pleasure your partner(s) with your mouth is not necessarily innate knowledge. Two factors complicate our ability to become lip wizards: lack of education about oral pleasure and the fact that everyone is a little different in what they enjoy.
Hot tip: Nothing in this list, or any other like it, will ensure pleasure for every person.
Sexual pleasure education covers the broad strokes: this could work, that could work, if putting your tongue there works—carry on! The real way to learn great oral sex techniques is to talk to your partner(s) before, during, and after sex. Ask how they want you to use your mouth on them. Fast or slow? Hard or gentle? Flick the clit or tip of the penis or suck the whole thing down?
There are countless things we can do with their junk in our face, but our ears are our most important organs in this situation. And it is critical our ears hear consent before exploring or touching any part of our partner’s body.
Ask what they did like, if anything, about past experiences. Ask what they are curious about. Ask what they fantasize about. And when you do start touching their body, be sure to check in and ask how the things you’re doing feel to them. Make suggestions and ask if they are appealing before trying. Whatever the answers are, respect their feelings and change course or stop, if need be.
Remember, checking in afterwards is just as important as checking in throughout. Don’t pressure for quantitative answers, ask about their feelings to learn what types of pleasure felt good, and which techniques didn’t. Learn about what to repeat next time or what new fantasies might have come into their head for the future.
Feeling Great All Over
When we think about oral sex, the main focus is mouth to vulva or mouth to penis. But oral sex is so much more than that! It is an experience that can touch us both inside and out—literally and figuratively!In reality, oral sex is about our whole bodies. In the most basic sense, you can increase your partner’s pleasure during cunnilingus or fellatio by using your hands to touch, pinch, squeeze, scratch, massage and generally touch every other part of their body that you can reach. Distributing that pleasure across the skin can temper the intensity of the oral stimulation, in a good way. In the immediate vicinity, explore additional sensations by touching their frenulum, inner thighs, urethral opening, anus, pubic hair, perineum, and scrotum.
Sure, receiving pleasure is great, but for some, being focused on in such a way can be awkward. Our genitals have been stigmatized in terms of appearance, smell, taste and more for so long that it can be discomfiting for someone to have another person’s head down there. So if you find yourself with your face in your partner’s crotch, remind them how much you want to be there. Give compliments (when warranted) on their skin, their taste, their scent. Make eye contact to reassure them of your mutual pleasure. This will all establish a sense of intimacy unparalleled in sexual touch.
Show and TellNow that you’re on the bus and headed downtown, how your tongue and lips dance in the private’s party is entirely subjective. Some people like their clitoris to be the main focus, while others might enjoy spreading that sugar to include the labia and vaginal opening. Some folks will want their penis fully enveloped while others just want the tip flicked and licked.
As you take some time to get acquainted with their desires, ask them to give you a show of what they like with their hands. They know their pleasure best and are the ultimate teachers. Watch the parts they like to touch, and observe how they touch themselves. Their touch can be quick and instructional or it can be more involved. You can sit back and admire and learn, or you can join in by licking, kissing or sucking another area. Note the speed and intensity of their self-pleasure. If this doesn’t drive you both over the edge of pleasure in and of itself, you can always take over and then try to mimic what you saw with your mouth and hands.
Not Just Foreplay
Really, is the term foreplay even a thing anymore? Delightful sexual activity is much more like a big swimming pool. You dive in and consider the possibilities. Maybe you’ll just swim to the other side with one goal in mind. Maybe you’ll swim repetitive lengths. Maybe you’ll go here and there in a game of Marco Polo.
Sexual activity is a fluid thing and what some folks consider a foreplay might be the main event for others. Oral was long pigeon-holed into this perspective and it really shouldn’t be. Oral sex is a damn fine before/during/after/prelude/main event/casual/hardcore activity that can be slow and drawn out or spontaneous and quick. Mix your oral sex habits up!
A Little Rimming, Anyone?
There’s no denying that folks have discovered and embraced the erotic sensations their butt hole has to offer. Anal pleasure is not just popular, it has become an integral part of many people’s sex lives. And given the proximity, why not incorporate analingus, or rimming, into your oral sex offerings?
Well, not so fast, you might be thinking. As much as anal touch and penetration are becoming more desired, some folks are grossed out by anal-oral congress. And that’s understandable. Nobody should do anything they aren’t comfortable with—giver or receiver.
However, if you are curious and want to explore some bum fun with your mouth, taking a shower together beforehand is a great way to warm up that potential. Rimming is a very exciting sensation to receive—and adds a whole new dimension to oral pleasure.
Penetration On The Table?
Applying your soft lips and tongue to your partner’s sensitive bits and pieces is hot. Doing that at the same time as you tickle their insides, you just might take that heat factor nuclear!
Incorporating penetration, with a finger, hand or fun sex toy can skyrocket your partner’s pleasure to the moon. Some well-placed poking can multiply their enjoyment and to intense levels. And what do I mean by well-placed? Two placed in particular: the G-Spot and the prostate. Adding G- or P-spot stimulation to clit-lickin’ or cocksuckin’ can be the key to intense orgasms.
That said, your open communication might reveal something pretty important: not everybody wants or enjoys penetration while receiving oral pleasure. For some, the enjoyment sits in the exterior stimulation. Just another good reason talking before and during is so important—no uninvited pokes allowed!
Open the Toy Box
Another potentially great addition to your oral sex playbook is to reach into your tickle trunk and pull out some amazing sex toys. Whether you’re using them inside or outside your partner’s body, vibrators, sleeves, clamps, dildos and more can increase sexy sensations and orgasm opportunities. You can concentrate your mouth ministrations on one piece of your partner’s anatomy while using the toy to stimulate another. Think of the combo possibilities:
- An air pulse vibrator, like the Satisfyer Love Breeze, on the clit plus tongue between labia!
- Mouth on penis head and use a small vibrator with pinpoint accuracy, like the Satisfyer Purple Pleasure, on the perineum!
- Clamps holding labia apart for a deep dive with your tongue!
- Nibbles to a scrotum, butt plug in place and a penis sleeve stroking away!
The possibilities are endless!
Incorporating sex toys into oral sex also serves a practical purpose. Oral sex can be tiring. Your jaws can ache. Your neck gets sore. Your tongue gets tired. You run low on saliva. Being able to sub in a toy, if even for just a bit, can take some strain off to ensure you also enjoy yourself.So, who can we possibly give a shout out to for thinking of the incredible pleasures of oral sex? We’ll never know. Plus, how do we possibly do that when our mouths are so full anyway?
Jon Pressick is a sex-related media gadabout. For more than 20 years, Jon has been putting sex into our daily conversations at his long-running site SexInWords—as a writer, editor, publisher, sex toy reviewer, radio host, workshop facilitator, event producer and more. These days, he focuses on writing for Kinkly, GetMeGiddy, The Buzz and PinkPlayMags and editing Jason Armstrong's series of Solosexual books. You can find him on Twitter at @Sexinwords.