How to Get Weed Lube If You Can't Get Weed

Enthusiastic cannabis consumers know that it’s one of the few aphrodisiacs truly worthy of the name. The "devil’s lettuce" has been getting people’s motors running for millennia; the Tantrics used it as a sacramental herb, the hippies fueled any number of funky orgies with it, and now, with legalization spreading across the country (and the world!), “just smoke a bowl” is becoming popular sex advice for anyone feeling not-quite-in-the-mood.

Why Weed Works

Weed works, but we’re finally beginning to understand why it works, thanks to new research on sex & the endocannabinoid system. What’s the endocannabinoid system?

When scientists began to investigate cannabis in the '70s, they discovered that the human body is full of neurotransmitters with noteworthy similarities to the active ingredients in cannabis sativa. One such chemical that we all have pumping through our bloodstreams is anandamide (named after the Sanskrit word for “bliss”), which bears a striking resemblance to THC (you know, the stuff that gets you high).

These chemicals and their corresponding receptors play a major role in regulating mood, pleasure/reward triggers, pain management and other involuntary processes, many of which can lead to a great time in the sack. In a way, our bodies are almost perfectly designed to enjoy a sensuous, uninhibited response to pot, so introducing it to your erotic routine seems like a no-brainer - if you like it (not everyone does) and if you can get it without risking arrest (which most people can’t).

Read: Sex on Weed: 7 Ways Cannabis Enhanced My Sex Life

Getting Your Pussy Stoned ... But Not Your Brain

Fortunately, the aphrodisiac effects of good old Mary Jane have inspired some exciting new innovations in sex accessories. You might have heard the buzz about “weed lubes” for women (including the infamous Foria Pleasure, which is available at dispensaries in California and Colorado). When applied to the uniquely absorbent tissues of the vagina, labia and clitoris, cannabis-derived lubes engage with local endocannabinoid receptors to increase blood flow, enhance sensation, diminish discomfort, improve access to orgasm and intensify orgasm, all without the typical psychoactive effects of smoking a joint. (This is great news for people who want to get their plant-enabled groove on but don’t want to eat everything in the house or have panic attacks over strange noises.)

However, for people who live where cannabis is still illegal - which is to say, most of the planet - weed lube is merely an inspiring reason to vacation in California or Colorado. But that isn't exactly practical. So what if you're still weed-lube-curious? Here are a few options.

Making Your Own Weed Lube

This is most feasible for crafty types who live in states with medical, but not recreational, marijuana laws. If you have an MMJ card, you can give it a shot - weed lube in a handsomely decorated jar certainly makes for interesting birthday presents, hostess gifts and party favors.

To make weed lube, you’ll need:

• 1 cup pristine, organic plant-based oil, like coconut, almond or avocado

• 1 cup (7-10 grams) cannabis. (Make absolutely sure it comes from a reputable domestic source that uses organic farming protocols. Smearing concentrated pesticide residue on your genitals is no bueno.)

• Equipment: A rimmed baking sheet, parchment paper, a weed grinder or coffee grinder, a heavy medium saucepan, a candy thermometer, cheesecloth, a funnel, a large jar

The Process:

• Step 1: decarboxylate your herb. That’s a big fancy word for “bake it for awhile”. Cannabis needs to be activated by heat for maximum potency – smoking or vaporizing converts THCA, a non-intoxicating cannabinoid, into THC, and raw weed makes for weak lube. Set your oven to 245ºF, line a rimmed baking sheet with parchment paper, and evenly spread the cannabis over it. Then, set a timer for 30-40 minutes. Gently shake the baking sheet every 10 minutes so it cooks evenly.

• Step 2: After your weed is baked and cooled, grind it coarsely. If you don’t have a dedicated cannabis grinder, a coffee grinder will work – just make sure it’s immaculate, and be careful not to overgrind, which makes the straining process more of a pain.

• Step 3: Put your oil in saucepan with 1 cup of water (which regulates temperature and prevents scorching), over very low heat. It’s important to keep the heat gentle, so the water doesn’t make for an explosive combo with the oil, and so the weed doesn’t burn, wasting your time and money. Once the oil is melted, add your ground cannabis. Using a candy thermometer, maintain the temperature between 160ºF and 200ºF. The mixture should never boil. Simmer for for two to three hours, stirring occasionally.