Despite some common misconceptions about them, vulvas aren't super complicated. Knowing how to finger a vulva and pleasing the person who owns it is a useful skill, but I promise, it's not difficult.
How to Finger a Vulva
There are a ton of nerve endings between a person's legs and stimulating them is going to feel good. The same basic concept applies for everything: Listen to what your partner tells you, don't be afraid to change your moves to match what they say and remember, wanting to make them feel good makes you a good lover already.
So with that in mind, let's take a look at how to finger a vulva in the best ways possible!
Trim your nails Scope out the hands at your favorite lesbian hang out and you may notice a trend. Short nails on two fingers. That's not an accident. All I'm saying is lesbians often know a thing or two about fingering a vulva and they know: long, rough nails aren't great.
So take a tip and make sure your fingernails are short and free of hangnails. If you are sporting a set that you just can't bear to part with, stuff some cotton balls under your nails and glove up. The cotton balls will pad the ends of the gloves and prevent ripping or snagging the edge on some delicate parts.
While we are talking about nails, they need to be clean. Bacterial vaginosis (BV) is suuuuuper unpleasant and it can happen when dirty fingernails leave some nasty little germies in your favorite vagina. So scrub, scrub, scrub!
Don't go in dry: Going in dry and poking away is not the way you want to approach things. The skin down south (especially of the inner labia and inside the vagina) is thin and very sensitive, so you do have to approach the area gently,at least at first...you might get more vigorous after they are warmed up. Make sure there has been adequate making out and general touching or whatever gets the juices flowing so you aren't going into a dry situation. Bonus points if you have some lube on hand.
Silicone-based lube is good if you are sticking with fingers because it's super slippery and lasts a long time, but if you are thinking you might want to spice it up with a high quality silicone toy, stick with a water-based lube (silicone lube can degrade your silicone toys.)
Don't Limit Yourself: Yes, we call it "fingering" but don't think you need to stick solely to fingers. Use your whole hand to vary the pressure and texture of your manual loving. Jazz it up a bit:
- Run your knuckles along the labia and over the clit, the bumpy texture is a different sensation than they may be used to and often quite wonderful.
- Lay the whole palm of your hand over the vulva. Hold your hand still or move it gently while you kiss or use your other hand to stimulate other parts of your partner's body. The warmth is a very sensual experience.
- If you are moving to penetration and they are comfortable with it, try slowly crossing and uncrossing your fingers while inside. You can also try swirling your fingers in a circle inside them to vary the poking/thrusting motions.
- Some people love the vibrations of a toy. It doesn't mean your fingers aren't wonderful, it's just that they don't vibrate! Augment what you're doing with a finger vibrator, or mimic the "just the right spot" accuracy of your finger with a toy like the Twirling Fun.
Ask for a Demo. As the owner of the equipment, your partner probably has a pretty good idea of what feels good to them and they might be happy to show you. Just be mindful that masturbating in front of you might not be something they want to do and pressuring them is not a good way to get to the goodie box.
But if they are willing, watch not just for the joy of seeing them get off (although definitely enjoy that too!) but also to learn. You needn't copy their moves exactly, but make mental note of some of the basics.
Do they go straight for the clit and stay there? Do they stroke all over? Do they buffer the intensity of their touch by pressing the labia against the clit rather than directly on it? Maybe your partner grinds hard against the base of their hand, or softly fingers themselves. These are all excellent clues to how they like to be touched and guideposts for the sort of touch you should use.
Slow and lazy wins the race: Unlike the hurried finger frenzy of before you knew how to finger a vulva, know now you can take your time. Check in with your partner. Listen to their breathing and noises for cues, but don't be afraid to ask. Use "this or that" questions to assess what works best. "Which one feels best?" you can ask, or "Would you like me to try XYZ or ABC?"
Remember there is no other goal than making your partner feel good. If they have an orgasm, no one is going to complain, but think of it as a bonus, rather than the focus.
Going All In You're probably going to want to stick with one or two fingers for penetration, although three can give your partner an exciting feeling of fullness, it might vary a bit depending on the size of your fingers and what they are comfortable with. A sexy "Do you want me to add another finger?" will give you the answer you need.
Four fingers you are starting to get into fisting territory (which requires a whole other skill set) and that is definitely not something you can spring on a person without some discussion beforehand.
Mix it Up: You don't stick to one position for sex, I'm guessing...so don't feel you need to stifle your creativity for fingering positions.
Approaching things from the back while your partner is on their side or lying on their stomach allows for different angles. For example, depending on how their g-spot is situated, you may be able to access it more easily from behind rather than facing them.
If you play with Domination and submission, kneeling in front of your partner's spread legs and worshipfully touching them and pleasing them with your fingers is very nice. Conversely, fingering the vulva in between spankings can be a dynamo move.
Front to back but not vice versa. If your partner enjoys anal play, you may want to explore beyond the vulva. Fingers and the nerve-rich areas of the perineum and anus go together well. Bend your fingers and use the flat surface between the middle knuckles to rub the skin between the vagina and anus. You can press your fingertip against the hole and rub against the outside if you don't want to penetrate.
Just remember to use a different hand for back door, otherwise once you start with the bum, you can't go back to the vulva until you wash your hands. B-holes have bacteria that does not play nice with vaginas!
Don't be afraid to call in reinforcements Fingers are fabulous, but feel free to reach for the tools at hand. Finger vibrators are a cool option that augment the thrill of what you can dole out. Satisfyer has the Teaser, Candy Cane and the High Fly, budget-friendly options that make your finger game that much better.
Or give the Twirling Fun a whirl. The design offers targeted pleasure similar to what a finger can do, but with the advantage of never getting tired! The toys can be used in tandem with your fingers or alternate between your hand and the vibrator for a plethora of sensations.
The Bottom Line
In the end, knowing how to finger a vulva is a matter of paying attention to what the vulva-owner is telling you, ensuring you are aware of cleanliness and varying techniques to tailor the experience to your partner.
Aurora loves good sex and writing about what it takes to do it. She writes travel and lifestyle for a variety of publications under a different name, with a decidedly more PG bent.