Don't Limit Yourself: Yes, we call it "fingering" but don't think you need to stick solely to fingers. Use your whole hand to vary the pressure and texture of your manual loving. Jazz it up a bit:
- Run your knuckles along the labia and over the clit, the bumpy texture is a different sensation than they may be used to and often quite wonderful.
- Lay the whole palm of your hand over the vulva. Hold your hand still or move it gently while you kiss or use your other hand to stimulate other parts of your partner's body. The warmth is a very sensual experience.
- If you are moving to penetration and they are comfortable with it, try slowly crossing and uncrossing your fingers while inside. You can also try swirling your fingers in a circle inside them to vary the poking/thrusting motions.
- Some people love the vibrations of a toy. It doesn't mean your fingers aren't wonderful, it's just that they don't vibrate! Augment what you're doing with a finger vibrator, or mimic the "just the right spot" accuracy of your finger with a toy like the Twirling Fun.
Ask for a Demo. As the owner of the equipment, your partner probably has a pretty good idea of what feels good to them and they might be happy to show you. Just be mindful that masturbating in front of you might not be something they want to do and pressuring them is not a good way to get to the goodie box.
But if they are willing, watch not just for the joy of seeing them get off (although definitely enjoy that too!) but also to learn. You needn't copy their moves exactly, but make mental note of some of the basics.
Do they go straight for the clit and stay there? Do they stroke all over? Do they buffer the intensity of their touch by pressing the labia against the clit rather than directly on it? Maybe your partner grinds hard against the base of their hand, or softly fingers themselves. These are all excellent clues to how they like to be touched and guideposts for the sort of touch you should use.
Read: Why Understanding Our Anatomy is So Important
Slow and lazy wins the race: Unlike the hurried finger frenzy of before you knew how to finger a vulva, know now you can take your time. Check in with your partner. Listen to their breathing and noises for cues, but don't be afraid to ask. Use "this or that" questions to assess what works best. "Which one feels best?" you can ask, or "Would you like me to try XYZ or ABC?"
Remember there is no other goal than making your partner feel good. If they have an orgasm, no one is going to complain, but think of it as a bonus, rather than the focus.
Going All In You're probably going to want to stick with one or two fingers for penetration, although three can give your partner an exciting feeling of fullness, it might vary a bit depending on the size of your fingers and what they are comfortable with. A sexy "Do you want me to add another finger?" will give you the answer you need.
Four fingers you are starting to get into fisting territory (which requires a whole other skill set) and that is definitely not something you can spring on a person without some discussion beforehand.
Read: 10 Things to Know About Fisting Before Your Even Think About It
Mix it Up: You don't stick to one position for sex, I'm guessing...so don't feel you need to stifle your creativity for fingering positions.
Approaching things from the back while your partner is on their side or lying on their stomach allows for different angles. For example, depending on how their g-spot is situated, you may be able to access it more easily from behind rather than facing them.
If you play with Domination and submission, kneeling in front of your partner's spread legs and worshipfully touching them and pleasing them with your fingers is very nice. Conversely, fingering the vulva in between spankings can be a dynamo move.
Front to back but not vice versa. If your partner enjoys anal play, you may want to explore beyond the vulva. Fingers and the nerve-rich areas of the perineum and anus go together well. Bend your fingers and use the flat surface between the middle knuckles to rub the skin between the vagina and anus. You can press your fingertip against the hole and rub against the outside if you don't want to penetrate.
Just remember to use a different hand for back door, otherwise once you start with the bum, you can't go back to the vulva until you wash your hands. B-holes have bacteria that does not play nice with vaginas!
Don't be afraid to call in reinforcements Fingers are fabulous, but feel free to reach for the tools at hand. Finger vibrators are a cool option that augment the thrill of what you can dole out. Satisfyer has the Teaser, Candy Cane and the High Fly, budget-friendly options that make your finger game that much better.
Or give the Twirling Fun a whirl. The design offers targeted pleasure similar to what a finger can do, but with the advantage of never getting tired! The toys can be used in tandem with your fingers or alternate between your hand and the vibrator for a plethora of sensations.
The Bottom Line
In the end, knowing how to finger a vulva is a matter of paying attention to what the vulva-owner is telling you, ensuring you are aware of cleanliness and varying techniques to tailor the experience to your partner.
