Read: What to Do When You're Triggered During Sex
Choosing a Sex Toy After Trauma
Choosing a sex toy after trauma means rethinking how we want to interact with sexual contact. Things we enjoyed before may no longer be pleasurable and new activities may suddenly become our go-to.
Sex toys give us complete and total control over the speed, depth, and time we spend on a given activity; allowing us the space to check in and reconnect with what feels good and stop when things become uncomfortable.
Doing this as a solo activity means that we don’t have to worry about offending a partner or feeling concerned about voicing our needs.
When it comes to choosing the "right" sex toy, remember the decision is entirely up to you. If it feels better to start with something simple, consider a gentle wand vibrator, which can also be used to massage sore muscles and ease tension. If you're not ready to bring sex toys near your genitals, you could even try a breast massager.
We may additionally find that our needs are best met by slowly reintroducing activities, such as penetration, with toys. Sexual trauma, for some vulva-owners, can lead to vaginismus, a condition where the vaginal muscles spasm and clamp shut. You doctor or therapist may recommend dilators as a way to slowly help reintroduce penetration, or Kegel exercisers to help you strengthen your pelvic floor muscles.
As a side note, it's important to remember that sex does not equal penetration. Penetration can be one aspect of sex, but it does not have to be. There are so many ways to experience and enjoy sexual pleasure! Find what feels right for you.
The same can be said for sex toys. There is no "right" kind of sex toy to choose after experiencing trauma. It's all about find the sex toy that feels good to you. If you try a toy and find it doesn't work for you, don't get discouraged, there are so many kinds of toys out there! Keep trying! You'll find one (or many) that provide all the feels you're looking for.
Read: Sex After Sexual Assault: How to Find Joy After Trauma
Take it Slow
Healing after trauma is never a fast or easy process- but it is always worth the effort. Finding a new sense of normal and peace is possible. By utilizing tools, such as masturbation and sex toys, survivors can define what sexuality and bodily agency look like for them.