While there were commands and spankings and being told to be a "good girl" for my master, there was also consent every step of the way, and I was assured that if at any time I felt unsafe or uncomfortable, I could stop and he would embrace me and we would discuss the scene.
I never needed to stop because the entire time I felt so incredibly alive. I felt like I was being seen. Like I was finally being told that my pot belly and thick thighs were not just OK, but beautiful and that they needed to be celebrated.
I Learned More About My Interests
Then, we discovered that I was, in fact, switch. I could alternate between dominant and submissive depending on the situation, partner, or my mental state at the time. I was eager to try being the one in charge for once, but also a bit scared of messing it up.
I bought myself a black corset, black lace panties, and silky, knee-length socks. I brought a few props with me and let him back into his bedroom while I was all dressed up; his face was more than enough evidence that I had done the right thing with my outfit.
If you know anything about dom/sub relationships, you’ll know that while the dom has a lot of power, it’s actually the submissive who is in control. Nothing happens without them being OK with it and without boundaries being discussed beforehand.
This being said, after my initial timidity, I really got into my role and had him call me “mistress” and beg me to do things for him. That moment was the sexiest I had ever felt in my life.
Over the next few days, I was in an excellent mood. I realized that this was due to my play time. It was helping me to understand that I was sexy. That I was strong and beautiful and worthy of praise. Most importantly, it made me realize that I deserved to have good sex.
I Am a Goddess
Just because I am not a certain size or weight and don’t have straight hair and am not conventionally beautiful, doesn’t mean I am not worthy. It doesn’t mean I am not sexy and worthy of being worshiped like the goddess I am.
Whether I was dominant or submissive, playing a scene helped me tap into this other side of myself, a side that was always there and willing and ready to try anything, but never had the guts to do it before.
Now I was taking back my power. Now I was willing to accept that I was more than just the fat girl everyone made fun of. I was beautiful and smart and amazing and full of sass.
While you might not be ready to try any sort of kink, I do recommend taking a look at how you speak to yourself and your partner during foreplay and sex (or even masturbation) and perhaps begin to change the dialogue to something more positive for both of you.
If either of you has ever struggled with body issues and self-acceptance, then, in my opinion, sex is a great way to affirm to yourself and your partner that you're both beautiful and sexy and worthy of praise and affection. It's such an intimate thing for two (or more) people to share. Why not add to the fun and also throw in a few compliments and actions to show your partner(s) that you do think their body is a wonderland?