- The “honey pot,” where I visualized honey containing all the qualities I wanted being poured over each of my sexual organs.
- The breast massage, where I massaged my breasts with coconut oil each night.
The practices sounded kind of woo-woo, but after doing the honeypot exercise just once, I felt more sexual and alive than I had in a long time. It was like I could feel the sexual energy coursing through my pelvis. I walked with extra energy, swaying my hips with each step.
The breast massage was even more powerful. I began to feel more sensation in my breasts than I ever had. I’d even start to get little orgasm-like contractions in my vagina when I touched them.
Read: 5 Tips for Finding That Elusive 'Nipplegasm'
After the following week’s call, Bekkering had me get a jade egg and do an exercise where I squeezed my pelvic muscles around it. Again, it sounded woo-woo, but it worked. I felt flooded with sexual energy after I took it out, and then I orgasmed in my sleep!
She also gave me a “de-armoring” practice, where I gently pressed a crystal dildo over various parts of my vagina and imagined removing different emotions I was storing. Tuning in to this light, concentrated touch taught me to really feel and savor every sensation in my genitals. I stopped feeling the need for highly intense pressure when I masturbated.
Read: How to Have an Orgasm With a Partner
My vision of Tinder as my playground came to fruition, and I started dating and hooking up with multiple people shortly after Bekkering and I began working together. To my surprise and relief, I was able to orgasm with all of them.
I was so much more turned on and in my body, it felt almost as if I were on the precipice of an orgasm practically all the time. When I became sexual, the orgasms just flowed naturally.
In fact, I was more responsive to all kinds of touch than I’d ever been. I began to go crazy when partners just played with my breasts. I was super wet and begging for it by the time they penetrated me.
It felt so good to actually receive the touch my partners were giving me, to be able to fully appreciate them, to be in the moment with them. I no longer fantasized so much during sex; I was present enough that what was happening there and then could turn me on. I hadn’t felt that way since I was a teenager; I’d become desensitized and gotten into my mind over the years.
Read: What It Means If You Fantasize During Sex
Working With a Sex Coach Is About More Than Just Sex
Not everything we did was about sex, though. We also did exercises around releasing anger, accepting myself, and manifesting the love life I wanted. Through our conversations, I learned to embrace sides of myself I’d been repressing, without realizing that repression was holding me back from being my full self in relationships.
Instead of feeling ashamed when I became enraged, for example, I saw the rage as part of a persona that Bekkering and I dubbed my “inner lioness,” and I strived to embody that strength and power in my everyday life.
I was skeptical at first about whether working with a sex coach would be worth the money or the time. However, nothing could be worth more to me than the ability to actually become present in my body — to feel every sensation, and have no part of myself pushed down into the shadows. Because of that, I can not just feel more pleasure, but also truly connect with my partners.
In my quest to orgasm with a partner and achieve my other sexual goals, that’s actually what I’d been searching for: true connection.