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Everything You Need to Know Before Your First CFNM Party

Published: AUGUST 16, 2022
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Reviewed by Jen Mallia
on August 15, 2022
In general, CFNM parties are a lot like your standard BDSM play party -- only female-presenting guests assume a dominant role and remain clothed while male-presenting guests assume a submissive role and are (almost) naked.

A CFNM party, which stands for "Clothed Female, Naked Male" party, is where a group of people gather for kink socialization and play. Unlike standard play parties, this gathering has a specific kink-centric focus: all of the female-presenting people are fully clothed while the male-presenting people are naked or in very minimal clothing.

Not only does this enhance a women-in-charge power dynamic, but it can also just be a powerful, sexual turn-on for many people. Further cutting down on any distractions, most CFNM parties only allow dominant-leaning women and submissive-leaning men, so the power dynamic is clear as soon as you walk in the door.

(Switches are usually allowed too; you just need to stay within your chosen role for the entirety of the party!)

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Outside of the dress code, a CFNM party functions similarly to any kinky play party. That is, there will be a lot of places set up for people to do kinky play with one another. Watching other people play is generally encouraged -- and there may even be chairs nearby to make it more comfortable to watch! Some people arrange to play with one another at play parties well in advance while others negotiate on-the-fly at the party for some play that night. Others may only play with their dedicated partners. Some play parties allow penetration and sexual activity while others only allow kink and BDSM-based activities. There will usually be a dedicated "social" area where people go to talk, negotiate and hang out with friends.

READ: Everything You Need to Know About Your First BDSM Play Party.

What's the Point of a CFNM Party?

Unlike standard play parties, the power exchange structure at a CFNM party is built-in: When you walk in the door, there's a power imbalance present -- regardless of whether the person next to you is a complete stranger or your partner of 10 years.

This can be intoxicating. Every submissive in attendance is inferior/subservient; after all, they aren't even allowed the basic privilege of clothing.

With such a power dynamic built right into the party itself, it can make the power imbalance feel more "alive." Every femdom is "in charge" -- and every submissive is not. Which is which? It's as simple as looking at who is wearing the pants (literally, in this case).

The enhanced headspace of CFNM parties tends to lead to service-based behaviors from submissives in attendance -- regardless of their relationship to other femdoms in attendance. In fact, this type of behavior is usually welcomed. At most CFNM parties, submissives will be praised for fetching drinks or helping out with the party. Their "jobs" are to serve the femdoms in attendance. (This service is usually limited to non-sexual service; ensure you check your local CFNM party's rules to ensure you're acting responsibly in their space.)

This built-in power dynamic tends to make CFNM parties a welcome space for people who are attending alone: Instead of stressing about the idea of talking to someone of the opposite gender to arrange play, conversations tend to naturally flourish. A submissive may approach an unfamiliar femdom to offer to fetch a cup of water, or a femdom may approach an unfamiliar submissive to ask them to take her coat.

READ: 3 Scenes for a Beginner Femdom to Try.

On the other hand, this built-in power dynamic can make some people uncomfortable. Submissives in attendance may default to using honorifics (like "Mistress" or "Queen") for unfamiliar femdoms. Femdoms in attendance may approach unfamiliar submissives for requests for service. There will be a lot of entirely naked people in close proximity to your own body. Any of these things can make CFNM parties uncomfortable for some kinksters -- and that's totally OK.

The unique atmosphere is what sets CFNM parties apart from general BDSM parties. In order for CFNM parties to feel like CFNM parties, the attendees must play their roles (within their own comfort level). That "requirement" may not be a comfortable fit for all people.

Do CFNM Parties Differ at All from More "Traditional" Play Parties?

General BDSM play parties are a good mix of people of various identifications, power exchange formats, clothing, bodies, and more. And they're amazing! No matter your kink, age, gender or appearance, you'll likely be accepted at a general BDSM party as long as you're on your best behavior -- and you'll find a whole variety of people represented there, too.

However, a CFNM party is more specific. Usually, only people who identify as femdoms (female dominants) and submissive-leaning males are allowed in. (While it doesn't fit into the "CFNM" moniker, some inclusive CFNM parties may also allow submissives who identify as female as well. Since submissives distinguish themselves through a simple lack of clothing, it's usually easy to tell dominants and submissives apart, regardless of gender.)

While you'll still find a good range of ages, body types, and kinks at at CFNM event, limiting the guest gender presentations and power dynamics usually leads to a much smaller event -- with a built-in power-exchange atmosphere that will be hard to ignore.

How Do I Find a CFNM Party?

The first step to making it to a CFNM party is finding a play party to attend.

While some femdom play parties will be held within private residences, many are put on by local kink groups and allow for most group members to attend the party.

The easiest way to find out about these play parties is through networking with fellow kinksters and finding out what's going on in the area. Even if the only kink group in your city is just a general BDSM group (and not a femdom-specific one), you'll be able to learn about nearby femdom groups if you attend the general group.

If you can't find a local kink group, it's probably time to flex your internet muscles. In particular, most kink groups, at the time of this publication, tend to use Fetlife. Fetlife is a social media network designed for kinky people and kinky gatherings. Use their search function to search the biggest nearby city to you and find some of the active groups in that area. You might even be in luck and find an active, nearby femdom group. From there, it's as simple as locating the next CFNM party -- or asking the group when it might be.

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READ: A Look Into the World of Online BDSM Roleplay.

Because of how specific CFNM is, prepare yourself for the possibility there may not be a CFNM party around the corner. For example, the largest city in my state has a group that only puts on one CFNM party per year. The rest of their femdom play parties are focused on other topics, like foot play or pegging parties. This may also be the case for your local group -- which may mean putting on your patient panties.

What Are the Requirements to Attend a CFNM Gathering?

Every CFNM party is unique: Requirements depends on what organization is hosting it, what location the party is using and how the people within the organization want to "see" their CFNM structured.

Generally, though, CFNM parties may have more strict attendance requirements than other social gatherings or other play parties to cut down on unaffiliated attendees. That's because, unfortunately, a party so focused on a sexualized kink where submissives are naked in front of complete strangers can give people the wrong idea of what to expect. Other organizations may just be more liberal with their ability to eject people from the party, so they'll allow newcomers into their CFNM parties.

Either way, make sure you read the rules to attend your local CFNM gathering before you get too excited. Some groups may require you to attend a few non-sexual social gatherings to scope you out before you're allowed to come to the party.

On either side of the power exchange spectrum, you might be concerned about consent at the party and being "forced" into something you're not into.

For example, a clothed femdom at a CFNM party might worry that a submissive will attempt to shove their nudity upon you in ways you aren't interested in. On the other hand, a naked submissive might be concerned about the power imbalance forcing you into doing things you aren't interested in doing -- or being asked to leave if you don't.

This is why you should be fully familiar with the party rules and the hosts of the party. Different parties will have different rules and expectations from all types of attendees.

Some parties will be extremely casual, with no expectations in place outside of the dress code. At these parties, all dominants and submissives will freely mix -- there are no expectations placed on either group -- and there isn't any inherent power exchange dynamic aside from the difference in dress code.

At higher-protocol parties, you can expect more rules. Submissives may be expected to serve any dominant, non-sexually, within the vicinity -- such as bringing her a drink. Submissives may be expected to be quiet unless summoned or spoken to by a dominant. Submissives may not be allowed on the furniture and may be prohibited from entering "femdom-only" areas of the space.

READ: 6 Orders for a Submissive That Have Nothing to Do With Sex.

Some parties fall into a middle ground, where dominants and submissives looking for service from strangers may wear a colored wristband. This way, other dominants and submissives will know who is open to an approach from a stranger -- and who isn't. Regardless of this wristband system, however, you can still expect the submissives to be mostly undressed.

All of these expectations will be laid out ahead of time within the rules of the play party, so again, make sure to give those rules a thorough read-through before you agree to attend the party.

After all, you want to have a good time, and having a good time starts with selecting a play party that's going to be a fun time for you. If your local play party's rules are outside of your comfort level, feel free to message the host and see what modifications can be made. Be forewarned though: Because part of the unique CFNM party experience is the group behavior, they may not be as willing to (or interested in) modifying their protocols for you.

What Should I Wear to A CFNM Party?

Male-Presenting People: (Next to) Nothing

If you're a male-presenting person attending a CFNM party, I think you already know what you're going to be wearing. As the name of the party is "Clothed Female, Naked Male," expect to be wearing nothing -- or virtually nothing.

Some parties will only allow you to attend if you'll be naked the entire time. Other parties are more lenient and will allow you to be naked, in your underwear, in chastity, in fetish gear or in lingerie. I've even seen parties that allow adult diapers! The specific items you're allowed to wear will vary based upon the party.

The "dress code" for male-presenting attendees is usually listed within the play party's rules before you even sign up to go. Make sure you pay attention.

Female-Presenting People: Clothes That Feel Good

If you're a femdom attending a CFNM party, your options are pretty open! The only "requirement" is that you're clothed in some manner.

Some people take the opportunity to bring out some of their favorite kinky outfits. Others will dress to the nines in some of their favorite sets of lingerie. At my last CFNM, one femdom was looking sharp in a simple bodysuit with heels. As long as you're wearing some form of clothing or covering on your body, you'll be within the bounds of a CFNM party.

If it's your first time attending a party at a particular location, you might want to play it safe. I'd recommend wearing something that looks nice and sexy -- possibly with a good amount of skin showing -- but you don't need to totally dress up. Consider wearing what you'd wear to a sexy first date, and dress accordingly. Once you've attended a party and see what the general "vibe" of the party is, you can make more detailed outfit decisions in the future.

READ: Everything You Need to Know About Attending Your First Kink Conference.

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What If I'm Not a Femdom or Submissive?

To attend a CFNM party, most group hosts will require that you choose a role: femdom or submissive. If you don't identify as a female dominant or submissive, it's likely they will politely request that you avoid this particular party; as a femdom space, the expectation is that all dominants present will identify as female.

Your local group may be able to make exceptions to the CFNM dress requirements if the nudity requirements cause dysphoria. Sticking to the theme, they may ask you to wear fetish clothing, underwear only, collars or other items to help designate you in your submissive role to help preserve the dynamics of the party.

Unfortunately, some groups may also be rude and unwelcoming to such a request. It's bullshit, but look for a group's attempts at inclusivity before reaching out with your request if a negative response will impact your mental health.

READ: 6 Ways to Feel Better about Your Body in Bed.

What If I'm Going Solo?

I've never seen a CFNM party that doesn't allow solo attendees!

There's nothing wrong with showing up to a CFNM without a partner. In fact, you might find it more enjoyable than an average play party.

Because of the CFNM dynamics, there's a stronger implicit power exchange dynamic to the atmosphere. This can make it easier to approach strangers to give or request service. It can also make a play party more fun, since you can assume you'll be able to interact with other attendees.

Should I Be Concerned about My Privacy?

Just like other kink events, privacy is a heavy concern at CFNM parties. Most people don't want their sexual preferences broadcast to their family or coworkers. So, security and privacy is taken seriously at most kink events.

Privacy is not something to mess around with when you attend, either. At best, if you're doing something suspicious, you'll be asked to stop. Most likely, however, your offending device will be taken, you'll be ejected, you'll be banned from future events and, depending on what happened, you may be reported to law enforcement. It's definitely not something to treat casually.

Specific privacy and security restrictions will vary by party. The most common rule is a ban on cell phones because most are equipped with cameras. So, leave your cell phone in your car when you attend an event unless the rules specifically allow cell phones.

Some CFNM events have an event photographer to specifically capture any memories you'd like to remember, and others just ask you to memorialize your outfits in your private space home before you step into the CFNM party.

What If I Didn't Like My Experience?

I'm really sorry to hear that. Sometimes people find that CFNM parties may not be for them.

Before you write off all CFNM parties, though, take some time to think about what you didn't like.

Did you feel awkward and anti-social? Well, that will go away. It can be hard to fit into a new friend group on the first try. Consider going to some social-focused events and getting to know people before the next CFNM party.

READ: Welcome to the Dungeon: How to Join the BDSM Community.

Did you feel like the party was too conservative or too intense? Either way, that's just a problem with the specific CFNM party itself. Consider looking for some other CFNM parties in the area to find a good party fit that's right for you.

Were you ready and willing to play but couldn't find any play partners? Consider getting to know people ahead of time at those social-focused events -- or, if the event allows it, consider posting a personal ad about seeking play in the groupchat ahead of time.

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Keep in mind that CFNM parties are a unique experience in the world of kink parties. Some of the things you disliked about a CFNM party (like implicit dynamics, forced attire or discussions with tons of strangers) may not happen at general BDSM parties. Before you write of kink parties as a whole, try to identify whether it was a CFNM issue or a general kink party issue.

What Should I Bring?

Outside of your specific outfit, you can treat any CFNM party like a standard play party space. That means you should, at a minimum, have your ID and entrance fee in cash to get in.

If you'll be naked throughout the event, bring your own towel (or find out if the event provides towels for you). You may wish to bring a backpack or other container to keep your clothing in. (A pair of socks can be a great place to stuff cash or credit cards in if you expect to be purchasing things during the party.)

If you're going to be changing into your CFNM-specific outfit on-site, don't forget to bring your makeup and clothing to the event -- including a change of shoes if you're expecting to tire of the high heels you packed.

Beyond that, what you choose to bring is up to you. If you have scenes or kinks in mind, you'll likely want to bring the items required to bring those scenes to life. Impact toys, restraints, rope and basic kink items are almost always fair game.

If the venue and party allows penetration, you should consider bringing safer sex supplies and any toys you'd like to use for your penetration fun.

If you're coming solo, you can always bring a small collection of clean and body-safe toys and kink gear just in case you end up arranging some pick-up play with someone at the event.

Should I Attend Another CFNM Party?

Well, did you have a good time? If so, CFNM parties might be for you!

While they aren't as common as general BDSM parties, CFNM parties can be a fun, themed way to switch up your standard femdom events. If you had a good time at your party, consider attending more events by the particular group that put it on -- and in the future, think about trying CFNM parties from another group to compare.

CFNM parties can be a ton of fun, and they can be a fun way to comfortably flex your femdom preferences in a safe, mutual environment.

READ: How to Use Sexting to Try On Your Femdom Heels.

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Mistress Kay

Mistress Kay has a fondness for all things sexual. With a house that's quickly running out of room for all of her reading and vibrating pleasures, she spends her free time reading, writing, and learning about the sexual universe with her partners. She can be reached at Kinky World.

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