Everything You Need to Know About a Safe Call

Published: JANUARY 12, 2016 | Updated: NOVEMBER 13, 2018
Dating is great, but safety? It's even better. Remember to always be safe and do what you can to protect yourself.

A safe call, also known as a silent alarm call, is a type of safety call that's often used within the dating and kink communities to keep people safe when meeting new people.The idea behind a safe call is that, before going on a date, the person arranges to call a trusted friend at a specific time. If the person doesn't call that trusted friend, the friend should assume something is wrong and notify the local police. Not only does this provide a potential deterrent to a malicious date before the two people have ever met up, but it also allows the local authorities to get on the trail more quickly in case something does happen.


The idea of the safe call originated in the kink community, but it's becoming more prevalent in dating as well. Because kinky people would regularly meet up to do kinky things with other kinky people for the first time (such as bondage or impact play), having a way to make sure their date didn't abuse that trust was vital.

So, whether you're meeting for kinky fun or just a few drinks, a safe call is a good idea when you're meeting a stranger. Here we'll take a look at safe calls, how they work and how you can make them work to help keep you safe when you're meeting new people.

On thing to note: While some people prefer the idea of a safe text, please stick to voice calls. In case of an emergency or violence, it could become much too easy for a predator to use your own phone if you're unable to do so. The sound of your voice adds an extra level of security.


What Information Should My Safe Call Include?

Ideally, your safe call should include as much personal information about yourself, your location, and your date as humanly possible. Include any information about your date's name, line of work, phone, contact information, photos, or social media profile links. You don't have tor provide this while speaking on the phone; you can get this information from your date's social media profiles and save it in a secure location your friend can access. Don't forget information about yourself, your car, and what you're wearing. You should also provide your trusted friend with details and a timeline about your date. If you know you and your date will be going back to a hotel and know the room number, provide those things to your friend as well - just in case.

You and your friend may want to come up with a "discreet" system of words you can use to communicate that something isn't right. In case of an emergency situation, this discreet system will let your friend know to call the police without alerting your malicious date - and potentially putting you in danger. For example, you can instruct your friend to ask about your plans for tomorrow evening while on the phone. You both can agree upon a response. If you respond with that response, for instance that you're "going bowling," then your friend will instantly know that something is wrong, and that they should call the police. Any other response will let them discreetly know that everything is going fine.

Why Do I Need It?

It's unfortunate that anyone has to worry about it, but your safety is important. Not every person out there is exactly who they seem to be. A safe call gives the authorities somewhere to start looking in case your date ends up taking a turn for the worse. Having this basic information from your safe call will let the authorities know who to look for as well as get them looking for you even faster.


Who Should I Use as My Safe Call?

It's important that you entrust the responsibility of your safe call to someone who can be trusted. This person needs to keep track of the time, check in on you and, if you don't respond, this person needs to promptly call the police. This type of task is best left for someone who isn't distracted by a party or some event of their own during the same time period.

It's vital that you also pick someone you are comfortable with. Don't choose a friend who may be biased or who may make you feel guilty if you need to ask for help. This person should be non-judgmental and ready to help in any way they can.

Should I Let My Date Know?

There's no reason not to let your date know. Depending on what their life experiences are, they may have never heard of a safe call before. The choice is yours about whether you want to tell your date. If you do, reiterate that it's for your safety and would help you feel safer meeting up. Most people will have no problem with it. If your potential date does seem to take issue or becomes angry over the idea, you should strongly consider calling off the date. While the concept of a safe call may be foreign to some, most people will be OK with any reasonable thing that helps their date feel more safe meeting up. If your date starts a fuss or becomes angry over the idea, this may be a huge red flag about their intentions.


You don't have to let your date know, but you do need to make it clear that it's vitally important that you make a specific call around your safe call time. Hopefully, if they're feeling helpful, your date will help you keep track of the time and notify you when the time comes around to call.

What Should the Person Who Is Doing My Safe Call Do If I Don't Answer?

Please make sure to be conscious of the fact that you're supposed to call your friend and let them know that you're OK. Set an alarm on your phone, set an alarm on your watch - just generally do anything that will ensure that you remember to call your friend. It can be lovely to get swept up in those first-date feelings, but you want to avoid an unnecessary call to the police if you can avoid it. Having your date crashed by guys with guns may not be your idea of romance.

However, if you still haven't called your friend and your friend hasn't been able to reach you after a couple attempts, the accepted standard is that it should be taken to the authorities within 15 to 30 minutes of your missed safe call. Your friend should turn over any details about your date as well as any details about the location in order to help the police locate you.


Anything Else I Should Know?

A safe call is designed to protect you. Please use it reliably on your first (and second and third!) dates to ensure your safety. While nobody wants to think about it in a romantic setting, predators are out there. Male or female, you need to make sure your safety is your first priority - and that you don't toss it aside because of a cute face. Stay safe out there.

Mistress Kay

Mistress Kay has a fondness for all things sexual. With a house that's quickly running out of room for all of her reading and vibrating pleasures, she spends her free time reading, writing, and learning about the sexual universe with her partners. She can be reached at Kinky World.

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