Discovering Your FemDom Persona

Published: MAY 16, 2018 | Updated: JANUARY 12, 2024
Kink is a journey. Enjoy finding inspiration - and enjoy the ride!

Every person out there has their own personality and that changes how you'd interact with any aspect of the world. Your personality can shape how you like to enjoy your kink interactions as well. Your personality - including your likes, dislikes and preferences in your dynamic - can help determine what FemDom persona appeals to you the most. Are you a soft-spoken dominant who loves to cuddle? Are you a strict FemDom who expects every sub to follow orders perfectly? Does the idea of humiliating your partner in public sound like a turn-on or a turn-off? What would you want to do with a submissive who was at your beck and call? Your personality can help determine what types of dynamics appeal to you.

However, your personality doesn't have to set your FemDom persona in stone. Sure, your personality likely will decide what you're most comfortable with, or what you strongly identify with, but it doesn't have to always dictate how you act. It's quite possible for a soft, shy person to roleplay a "cruel" and domineering Mistress. It's possible for an extroverted, tomboy-type of person to role play a soft, gentle and "care-taking" Mommy. Keep in mind that these categories aren't here to box you in. They're here to help give you options you may never have thought of.

Curious about different "types" of FemDom personas? While this list isn't an exhaustive list by any means, it'll give you a general idea of some of the more popular roles you could take on.



Earning its own name in the FemDom community (as "gentle FemDom") to set it apart from the usual cruel stereotypes of FemDom, a care-taking dominant is someone who loves taking care of their slave. Your domination comes from being caring and supportive to your submissive. Someone into the gentle FemDom dynamic might enjoy bathing their submissive, giving lots of praise and pet names, providing lots of cuddles where she might be the "big spoon," gentle encouraging sex where she calls the shots, and generally taking the lead in most relationship decisions.


The encouraging dominant is similar to the care-taking persona, but this type of FemDom personality focuses more on the personal growth and development of the submissive under their care. Regardless of what type of growth it is, most encouraging dynamics include a clear intent for improvement. An encouraging dynamic may include slave training, a fitness plan, weight loss goals, diet changes, fashion changes, social development, and more. In the case of the encouraging dynamic, the female dominant sets rules and limitations to help the submissive partner slowly inch their way towards improvement in the designated areas. Think of this dynamic as a life coach or mentor - but with a lot of kink thrown in.

Pampered Princess

This dynamic is much more focused on the pleasure and enjoyment of the female dominant. While encouraging and care-taking dynamics are usually enjoyed as sub-focused dynamics, a FemDom who wants to be pampered will be more of a top-focused dynamic. This dynamic likely includes the female dominant asking for lots of foot rubs, massages, baths, lotioning and more. Depending on the arrangement between the partners, it may also include new clothing and heels, shopping days, and couples' spa massages.



If you'd like a submissive as your pet for spankings and other sadistic activities, the sadistic persona might be for you. Unlike the other personas, your kink is definitely causing discomfort and pain. You like to see a submissive suffer for your entertainment. Despite that kink, however, you genuinely don't want to break your submissives. You'll likely want to find someone who shares the masochistic desires you need. Sadistic FemDoms will likely spend a lot of time doing kinky activities such as spankings, bondage, flogging, electro-play, and more.

Read: Giantess Fetish: The Ultimate Guide to Understanding Macrophilia


If humiliation is your favorite, the cruel FemDom might be your new favorite persona. The cruel persona is one of those personalities that requires a good, stable trust between you and your partner; otherwise, a lot of the hallmarks of cruel behavior can be abusive instead of just consented-upon role playing. The cruel dominatrix loves to tear her submissive down. She'll love to call her submissive names, pretend to ignore them, pretend they aren't worthy of her attention, and force them to do degrading and humiliating tasks to earn her attention.



Of course, nobody fits perfectly into a square-sized box, and the same can be said of your femdomme personality. Maybe you're a little bit sadistic, but catch you in the right mood, and you're a care-taker all the way. That's perfectly normal! There are lots of other types of femdomme personas as well. After all, your femdomme persona is based off your own personality, and we know exactly how varied human personalities are!

How to Figure Out Where You Fit

Now that you have a basic idea of some of those personalities, though, how do you go about figuring out where you fit in? Luckily for you, that's pretty easy! You just follow your fantasies! What turns you on when you think about doing it? Do you have a scenario in your head that you replay over and over? If you had a submissive kneeling in front of you right now, what would you want to do the most? For example, one of my common fantasies includes locking up a male submissive in a chastity cage until he meets fitness or weight-loss goals of my choosing.

Where to Get More FemDom Ideas

Don't have any fantasies yet but like the idea of being in charge? Try to draw your inspiration from these sources:


Tumblr and Blogging Websites

If you're looking for a free and up-to-date way to browse thousands of potential kinky scenarios and find out what ones appeal to you, the internet is a great way to go. FemDom blogs will have a plethora of written stories and real-life experiences while Tumblr is known as a great repository of FemDom images. Find the items that appeal to you and try to gain some inspiration as to what type of dominant you'd be.

Printed and Online Erotica

Another simple way to inspire your FemDom personality is via erotica. Especially with the popularity of e-books, it's a lot easier than it used to be to find printed or digital reading from published authors. In a lot of cases, "published" work will be a lot higher-quality than free work, but that's not true in all cases. Don't have the budget to support a FemDom author? Consider some of the free online erotica sites.

Adult Movies

If you're looking to enjoy your FemDom content in a visual format, adult movies might be the way to go. If you're looking for inspiration about the cruel or sadistic persona, consider professional work made by big-studio companies. Almost all mainstream FemDom porn falls into those categories. Looking for something softer? You might have better luck on amateur channels where people are more-likely to portray their own dynamics - which aren't always sadistic or cruel.


Fetlife and Online FemDom Forums

Another way to gain inspiration is through getting involved in the community. Most FemDom communities are welcoming to newbies; after all, everyone has been in that same spot! Instead of waiting for inspiration through erotic channels, you'll get inspiration from hearing about people's real-life experiences and dynamics - and if you go to a couple's meeting, you'll get to see their dynamics in action as well. If possible, try to make it out to a real-life FemDom community near you. If your attempt to find a nearby FemDom group isn't working for you, consider some of the discussion-based Fetlife groups (or another online FemDom forum) instead.

While you're trying to seek out inspiration, it's worth remembering that almost everything you'll find is designed to be pornography. It's all designed to be the “hottest of the hot” - some of the “perfect” sex scenarios out there. Real-life isn't like that. While you can gain some inspiration for your own persona and scenes from stuff online, don't let it give you unrealistic expectations. Yes, your cruel domineering scene could go smoothly, but you're probably going to fumble a line or giggle once or twice. Your trembling-in-fear submissive might need to be temporarily let out of bondage because of a leg cramp. Expect a little bit of real-life to creep into your scenes, and you'll be much calmer when it eventually does happen.

As always, expect your journey into kink to be just that: a journey. Enjoy finding inspiration, and most of all, enjoy the ride.

Mistress Kay

Mistress Kay has a fondness for all things sexual. With a house that's quickly running out of room for all of her reading and vibrating pleasures, she spends her free time reading, writing, and learning about the sexual universe with her partners. She can be reached at Kinky World.

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