Updated: MAY 8, 2023
Reviewed by Kimbree Silas
on July 18, 2022

Brat is a term for the BDSM role of a submissive or bottom who maintains a defiant, misbehaving demeanor toward their dominant through words and actions. A brat will talk back, act out and be obstinate to achieve the goal of being disciplined by their top. They will ultimately achieve gratification by eventually acquiescing to their dominant’s desires.

Brats are motivated by a number of different dynamics, including the desire for attention, building trust with their dominant and the desire for punishment. As such, a brat’s dominant is sometimes referred to as a brat-tamer.

What does being a brat look like in a BDSM scene?

For a brat, disobedience can take the form of saucy or snarky reactions, shouting orders, trying to top from the bottom or being physically evasive. In many other respects, the brat role plays a submissive role in the traditional sense and the attitude displayed is typically light-hearted and cheeky, not mean or cruel. That, however, can depend on the dynamics of the relationship between the dominant and submissive.

“A brat is a type of submissive that likes to push back on their dominant’s rules and regulations," says Mistress Mona, a Dominatrix based in Philadelphia. "I know a lot of brats. I played with a brat who was very much like ‘oh you’re gonna make me do that?’ Very sassy, very much enjoying the power struggle of being submissive, but pushing back on the rule and getting attention for pushing back.”

Some of the most common techniques brats use to egg their brat-tamers on is to question their ability to actually tame. Brats challenge their dominants to act on threats in ways that will actually bring pleasure to the submissive, even if they profess that it won’t. Phrases such as “Is that the best you’ve got?” or “You’re going to have to gag/bind/blindfold me to get your way!” and “You don’t scare me!” are meant to propel the tamer into increased action. A successful brat/tamer dynamic will see both folks deriving pleasure from their roles and the interactions that continue.

Any person, regardless of gender or sexuality can be a brat and any relationship configuration can feature brat roleplay, although the identity is most frequently associated with women in relationships with male dominants. The brat role complements dominants who are sadists and owners.

More About Brat

As with other roles across the BDSM spectrum, communication is key to introducing the idea into a relationship. The desire to be a brat or to control a brat should first be broached in a non-sexual setting.

How can I play the brat in a kinky scene safely?

If you or someone you know is interested in exploring what it's like to be a brat, a negotiation between the brat and the dominant or brat tamer should take place. This could look like a kink contract where hard and soft boundaries are set, this could also include words to use or punishments to give. Punishments for brats can include things like spankings, orgasm denial, forced orgasm, bondage, humiliation, tickling and other activities.

Bringing up the idea of playing the brat in the heat of a sexual moment can put undue pressure on a partner who isn’t prepared to consider this roleplay possibility. Talking through these desires at another time will not only allow everyone to understand the desire and expectations but can, if everyone is agreeable, pique excitement and act as a bit of foreplay.

All participants will derive as much pleasure from the eventual physical action as they will from the play leading up to it. A brat will know just what buttons to push and the tamer will know just the right amount to deny the brat before finally dishing out discipline.

Being a brat does not have to be a temporary or sex-only role. Those who have a 24/7 dominant/submissive dynamic may extend the brat/tamer role to other aspects of their relationship. Being a brat has no specific limitations beyond what is agreed to; it can be taken as lightly or seriously as is desired and can even evolve over time.


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