What is Pussy Whipping? - Definition from Kinkly

Pussy Whipping

Updated: AUGUST 29, 2023

on August 10, 2023

Pussy whipping is a form of BDSM play where a dominant strikes their submissive partner’s vulva. The dominant may strike the vulva with their bare hand or use a tool, such as a flogger or paddle, to pussy whip their partner. Pussy whipping is a form of impact play and pain/sensation play. It falls under the even broader category of pussy torture.

Pussy whipping may be a punishment or an entirely pleasurable activity. Dominants may use pussy whipping in a variety of different scenes, including humiliation play, edging, orgasm denial or orgasm control.

Pussy Whipping: Term Origins

Conversationally, the term pussy whipping can describe a woman in a committed relationship dominating her partner. People who are "pussy whipped" typically follow their partner’s wishes. People might accuse them of being pussy whipped because the regular, good sex they receive encourages them to disregard their own desires. Instead, they focus on making their partner happy. The term implies that the pussy whipped person is a slave to their partner, who may withdraw sex if their needs are not met. Pussy whipping is a derogatory term that suggests someone is weaker than their partner and is intended to be emasculating when applied to straight men.

The colloquial use of the term pussy whipping dates back to the 1950s. It is an extension of the term pussy, which has been a vulgar slang term for vagina or vulva since the 19th century. By the late 1980s, mainstream publications like Rolling Stone and Vanity Fair wrote about pussy whipping in the colloquial sense. Feminist punk band Bikini Kill celebrated the term and its empowerment of women with the release of their 1993 album, Pussy Whipped.

The term pussy whipping can be problematic, especially when it’s used colloquially. Some people feel the word pussy is offensive and disrespectful. They may feel the term objectifies them by reducing them to their genitals. When applied to straight relationships, the term pussy whipping can also perpetuate toxic masculinity. It suggests that men should assert their will rather than putting their partner’s desires first at times.

Pussy Whipping in Pornography

Pornography may feature pussy whipping as it's a highly visual act. BDSM pussy whipping may be a component of pornography showing the power exchange of dominants and submissives. It often shows a submissive that's whipped by one or more dominants. Pussy whipping may be the focus of these videos or it may get shown alongside other BDSM activities, such as bondage and spanking. This type of porn can be very visually stimulating, as it depicts acts that many people find taboo. People who fantasize about pussy whipping may find watching this kind of porn is a safe outlet for their desires.

More About Pussy Whipping

The BDSM practice of pussy whipping can reinforce the power dynamic between a dominant and a submissive. The dominant has the upper hand during pussy whipping. As they take control of the pussy, the submissive gets reminded that the dominant is in charge. Giving up control like this can also be a great form of stress relief.

Why are people into pussy whipping?

"Sometimes people incorporate pussy whipping into their play specifically because it isn’t enjoyable. Hurt (not harm) is something that consenting adults may enjoy in the context of a scene," explained Sarah Chotkowski, a clinical social worker who specializes in kink, fetish and BDSM. "I think of pussy whipping as a more taboo version of a slap across the face. A slap is not intended to cause injury; it is meant to be startling and perhaps humiliating, depending on the circumstances."

While a submissive can experience pain during pussy whipping, it is often coupled with pleasure. The physical act of pussy whipping also increases blood flow to the surface of the genitals. This makes them especially sensitive. The rhythmic stimulation of a hand or whipping tool may trigger orgasm.

Pussy Whipping: How to Play

The dominant may restrain their submissive with cuffs or rope or compel them into an unrestrained submissive position. A bed or sex furniture might support the submissive, or the dominant might use suspension equipment to lift them off the ground. A spreader bar can help keep the submissive’s legs wide and their pussy exposed.

Once the submissive is in place, the dominant might whip other, less sensitive, parts of their submissive’s body, such as their thighs or buttocks, to build anticipation before whipping their pussy. They might use their hand or a favored tool, or a variety of different implements, on their partner’s pussy. Wide tools cause a thudding sensation, while narrow tools will sting more. The dominant may strike the pussy softly or use more force, depending on the submissive’s pain threshold and the type of play they’re engaging in.

While a dominant has control during pussy whipping, it is important to respect the submissive’s limits. Open communication before a scene can ensure the dominant has the submissive’s consent and understands their boundaries. They may want to discuss any previous experience with pussy whipping, preferred names for their body parts, how they feel about lasting marks, and their choice of a safeword or traffic light system. These communication tools can help a submissive speak up for themselves if pussy whipping goes beyond their limits. Openly discussing sexual health and any medical conditions which may impact bleeding, wound healing and the skin's fragility can also help partners decide how to play safely.

A dominant is unlikely to cause any lasting damage during pussy whipping, but Chotkowski notes that the vulva's skin could tear if it's struck with too much force or repetition. The genitals are also incredibly sensitive. Different implements can cause different sensations, and even a soft strike may be uncomfortable. It’s helpful for dominants to practice striking less sensitive areas before striking the genitals. They should pay attention to their partner's ability to tolerate the sensations and respect their desires and boundaries. This should be a constant process, as comfort levels can change during a scene. Submissives can withdraw consent at any time, even if they're being pussy whipped as a form of punishment or part of total power exchange. Spending time on aftercare can help the submissive successfully transition out of an intense pussy whipping scene.