Stella Harris

Stella Harris is such a nerd about communication that she wrote a book about it - "Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships". As a Certified Intimacy Educator and Sex Coach, she uses a variety of tools to guide and empower her clients and she teaches everything from pleasure anatomy, to communication skills, to kink and BDSM. Stella teaches at venues and conferences across the country (and Canada!) most recently appearing at ConvergeCon in Vancouver, B.C., Dark Odyssey: Surrender in San Francisco, Kinky Kollege in Chicago, and Reed College in her adopted hometown of Portland, Oregon. In addition to her upcoming book, Stella has been busy writing her sex column for the Willamette Week, Humptown!

Learn more at www.stellaharris.net or follow @stellaerotica on Twitter or @stellaharriserotica on Instagram.

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Articles by Stella Harris

10 Masturbation Tips Using Different Sex Toys 10 Masturbation Tips Using Different Sex Toys 10 Masturbation Tips Using Different Sex Toys 10 Masturbation Tips Using Different Sex Toys


In a masturbation rut? Here are some ideas for how to use various kinds of vibrators in new or less expected ways!

Deagreez/iStock Deagreez/iStock Deagreez/iStock Deagreez/iStock


Panty fetishes are one of the best known (and, unfortunately, joked about) fetishes. But what's the appeal in used underwear? Let's break...

woman undressing from behind woman undressing from behind woman undressing from behind woman undressing from behind


Anal sex makes people nervous but it's a lot more accessible than you might think. Here's what you need to know before your first time.

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Predicament bondage. An activity that requires someone to make decisions and pay the price for them. Here's an introduction to predicament...

Anal Play and IBS - Why It Doesn't Have to Be a No Go Anal Play and IBS - Why It Doesn't Have to Be a No Go Anal Play and IBS - Why It Doesn't Have to Be a No Go Anal Play and IBS - Why It Doesn't Have to Be a No Go


For some people, the pleasure and intimacy of anal make working through some additional considerations worthwhile.

Rimming Risks - and How to Play Safer Rimming Risks - and How to Play Safer Rimming Risks - and How to Play Safer Rimming Risks - and How to Play Safer


Just like any other sexual contact, analingus presents a few potential health risks - but there are ways to mitigate them.

The Rise of Online Sex and Relationship Support The Rise of Online Sex and Relationship Support The Rise of Online Sex and Relationship Support The Rise of Online Sex and Relationship Support


The number of high quality resources for sex education is increasing online. You just need to know where - and how - to look for them.

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Recent news has made it easy to get mired in pessimism. But there are lots of good reasons to believe that the future of sex is bright.

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Involved in a long distance relationship? Spice it up using edging and orgasm control!

12 Threesome Terms You Need to Know 12 Threesome Terms You Need to Know 12 Threesome Terms You Need to Know 12 Threesome Terms You Need to Know


Seeking a threesome experience? These terms will help you navigate one - and better understand what you're getting into.

Bondage for All Bodies Bondage for All Bodies Bondage for All Bodies Bondage for All Bodies


Bondage is for everyone. Here's how bondage can be used for bodies of all sizes, genders, and abilities.

Womans hand holding bullet vibrator Womans hand holding bullet vibrator Womans hand holding bullet vibrator Womans hand holding bullet vibrator


Choosing a sex toy is kind of like dating; there are seemingly countless options and you can’t tell what you’re going to get based on just...

Bondage cuffs Bondage cuffs Bondage cuffs Bondage cuffs


Many beginner kinksters jump into bondage. Here are some positions for everyone from newbies to experienced rope riggers.

The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Milking The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Milking The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Milking The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Milking


Ready to try prostate milking? Here's how to do it.

The Ultimate Guide to Having Anal Sex The Ultimate Guide to Having Anal Sex The Ultimate Guide to Having Anal Sex The Ultimate Guide to Having Anal Sex


Anal sex is one of the most common fantasies people have, but getting it right involves some preparation - and practice. We provide...

A closed fist A closed fist A closed fist A closed fist


Fisting is a fantasy for many, but most people don't really understand how it works. You're in luck: Here's your step-by-step guide to...

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Think that you can't be intimate with your partner because you can't get an erection? Think again. Here are some ideas to boost intimacy...

Why Consent Is More Complicated Than a Cup of Tea Why Consent Is More Complicated Than a Cup of Tea Why Consent Is More Complicated Than a Cup of Tea Why Consent Is More Complicated Than a Cup of Tea


Consent is more than a one time occurrence. Learn how to make sure it becomes an ongoing exchange in your sexual relationships.

Strap-On (Fore) Play Strap-On (Fore) Play Strap-On (Fore) Play Strap-On (Fore) Play


Oral sex with a strap-on may seem besides the point, but it can actually be a an intimate and exhilarating experience for both parties.

Got a Vulva? Here's How to Love Oral Sex Got a Vulva? Here's How to Love Oral Sex Got a Vulva? Here's How to Love Oral Sex Got a Vulva? Here's How to Love Oral Sex


Banish that wandering mind and those fears about smell, taste and the elusive orgasm. Stop worrying and start enjoying!

Roses wrapped in bondage rope Roses wrapped in bondage rope Roses wrapped in bondage rope Roses wrapped in bondage rope


Learn the fundamentals of safe and sexy rope bondage

8 BDSM Tips - With a Twist 8 BDSM Tips - With a Twist 8 BDSM Tips - With a Twist 8 BDSM Tips - With a Twist


Forget about tools and tricks. We delve into the heart of what makes BDSM so hot.

Power Play: The Differences Between Tops, Bottoms, and Switches Power Play: The Differences Between Tops, Bottoms, and Switches Power Play: The Differences Between Tops, Bottoms, and Switches Power Play: The Differences Between Tops, Bottoms, and Switches


Even among the BDSM community, there's some confusion about tops, bottoms and switches. We clear things up.

The Basics of BDSM Negotiation The Basics of BDSM Negotiation The Basics of BDSM Negotiation The Basics of BDSM Negotiation


BDSM is more than just spankings and other naughty adventures. It's also about negotiation to meet needs. Here's how to make sure that...

How Do You Define 'Sex'? How Do You Define 'Sex'? How Do You Define 'Sex'? How Do You Define 'Sex'?


Think you know about sexual activity? Think again! Learn why sexual activity includes more than you think it does.

The Right - and Wrong - Way to Have a Threesome The Right - and Wrong - Way to Have a Threesome The Right - and Wrong - Way to Have a Threesome The Right - and Wrong - Way to Have a Threesome


With multiple partners comes multiple desires and points of view. That can mean excitement and fun, but there's plenty of room for trouble...

Better Sex: 10 Things to Start Doing Right Now Better Sex: 10 Things to Start Doing Right Now Better Sex: 10 Things to Start Doing Right Now Better Sex: 10 Things to Start Doing Right Now


The old saying: bad sex is still good sex. The truth: you can do these 10 things right now to have a better sex life.

Q&A by Stella Harris

How can I check in with my partner after a group experience and make sure we're feeling grounded in our relationship? How can I check in with my partner after a group experience and make sure we're feeling grounded in our relationship? How can I check in with my partner after a group experience and make sure we're feeling grounded in our relationship? How can I check in with my partner after a group experience and make sure we're feeling grounded in our relationship?


After any kind of threesome or group play, it's really important to find a way to have a check-in with your partner. For some people,...

Is there an organic way to facilitate a threesome? Is there an organic way to facilitate a threesome? Is there an organic way to facilitate a threesome? Is there an organic way to facilitate a threesome?


Well, this one comes up a lot. People want sex and threesomes to happen spontaneously and organically. And, well, I won't say that...

How do you navigate communication and relationship if you're a highly sensitive person and the other person isn't? How do you navigate communication and relationship if you're a highly sensitive person and the other person isn't? How do you navigate communication and relationship if you're a highly sensitive person and the other person isn't? How do you navigate communication and relationship if you're a highly sensitive person and the other person isn't?


For starters, I would say that you're on the right track already being in touch with yourself and knowing what you need. If you know...

I want to make my blindfolded submissive partner feel like there's a third person in the room. Any suggestions? I want to make my blindfolded submissive partner feel like there's a third person in the room. Any suggestions? I want to make my blindfolded submissive partner feel like there's a third person in the room. Any suggestions? I want to make my blindfolded submissive partner feel like there's a third person in the room. Any suggestions?


Using fantasy and dirty talk is a great way to incorporate experiences into your sex life that may be either logistically impractical or...

I'm a married man with a growing anal fetish. How can I satisfy it if my wife isn't interested? I'm a married man with a growing anal fetish. How can I satisfy it if my wife isn't interested? I'm a married man with a growing anal fetish. How can I satisfy it if my wife isn't interested? I'm a married man with a growing anal fetish. How can I satisfy it if my wife isn't interested?


Thank you for reaching out with this question. I know it can be a vulnerable topic to talk about. You bring up a lot of points in your...

punching fist punching fist punching fist punching fist


These are two very big questions, and I’ll do my best to give them both complete answers. First, let me applaud you for being concerned...

Why would you need more than one Dom(me)? Why would you need more than one Dom(me)? Why would you need more than one Dom(me)? Why would you need more than one Dom(me)?


Why have more than one Dom(me)? For the same reasons anyone has more than one partner. Many people who are polyamorous or who engage in...

I'm considering a career in sex education. Where do I start? I'm considering a career in sex education. Where do I start? I'm considering a career in sex education. Where do I start? I'm considering a career in sex education. Where do I start?


“You’re a sex educator? That’s so cool! How can I do that?” I hear some variation of this question about once a week. And I get it. Sex...


I’m so sorry you’ve gone through these awful experiences, and I’m very glad to hear that you’re already in therapy and that you’re...