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Stella Harris

Stella Harris is an erotica writer, BDSM educator, and sex & intimacy coach. She teaches for a variety of sex-positive organizations in Portland, Oregon in addition to leading and organizing her own public classes and offering private instruction. Publication highlights include several anthologies by Cleis Press and a series of tantalizing and informative articles on kinkly.com. Through her writing and teaching she explores the complex world of love and lust and strives to help people explore their kinks safely and free of shame.
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Articles by Stella Harris

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Recent news has made it easy to get mired in pessimism. But there are lots of good reasons to believe that the future of sex is bright.

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Involved in a long distance relationship? Spice it up using edging and orgasm control!

12 Threesome Terms You Need to Know 12 Threesome Terms You Need to Know 12 Threesome Terms You Need to Know 12 Threesome Terms You Need to Know


Seeking a threesome experience? These terms will help you navigate one - and better understand what you're getting into.

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Choosing a sex toy is kind of like dating; there are seemingly countless options and you can’t tell what you’re going to get based on just...

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Many beginner kinksters jump into bondage. Here are some positions for everyone from newbies to experienced rope riggers.

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Ready to try prostate milking? Here's how to do it.

The Ultimate Guide to Having Anal Sex The Ultimate Guide to Having Anal Sex The Ultimate Guide to Having Anal Sex The Ultimate Guide to Having Anal Sex


Anal sex is one of the most common fantasies people have, but getting it right involves some preparation - and practice. We provide...

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Fisting is a fantasy for many, but most people don't really understand how it works. You're in luck: Here's your step-by-step guide to...

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Think that you can't be intimate with your partner because you can't get an erection? Think again. Here are some ideas to boost intimacy...

Why Consent Is More Complicated Than a Cup of Tea Why Consent Is More Complicated Than a Cup of Tea Why Consent Is More Complicated Than a Cup of Tea Why Consent Is More Complicated Than a Cup of Tea


Consent is more than a one time occurrence. Learn how to make sure it becomes an ongoing exchange in your sexual relationships.

Strap-On (Fore) Play Strap-On (Fore) Play Strap-On (Fore) Play Strap-On (Fore) Play


Oral sex with a strap-on may seem besides the point, but it can actually be a an intimate and exhilarating experience for both parties.

Ladies, Here's How to Love Oral Sex Ladies, Here's How to Love Oral Sex Ladies, Here's How to Love Oral Sex Ladies, Here's How to Love Oral Sex


Banish that wandering mind and those fears about smell, taste and the elusive orgasm. Stop worrying and start enjoying!

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Learn the fundamentals of safe and sexy rope bondage

8 BDSM Tips - With a Twist 8 BDSM Tips - With a Twist 8 BDSM Tips - With a Twist 8 BDSM Tips - With a Twist


Forget about tools and tricks. We delve into the heart of what makes BDSM so hot.

Power Play: The Differences Between Tops, Bottoms, and Switches Power Play: The Differences Between Tops, Bottoms, and Switches Power Play: The Differences Between Tops, Bottoms, and Switches Power Play: The Differences Between Tops, Bottoms, and Switches


Even among the BDSM community, there's some confusion about tops, bottoms and switches. We clear things up.

The Basics of BDSM Negotiation The Basics of BDSM Negotiation The Basics of BDSM Negotiation The Basics of BDSM Negotiation


BDSM is more than just spankings and other naughty adventures. It's also about negotiation to meet needs. Here's how to make sure that...

How Do You Define 'Sex'? How Do You Define 'Sex'? How Do You Define 'Sex'? How Do You Define 'Sex'?


Think you know about sexual activity? Think again! Learn why sexual activity includes more than you think it does.

The Right - and Wrong - Way to Have a Threesome The Right - and Wrong - Way to Have a Threesome The Right - and Wrong - Way to Have a Threesome The Right - and Wrong - Way to Have a Threesome


With multiple partners comes multiple desires and points of view. That can mean excitement and fun, but there's plenty of room for trouble...

Better Sex: 10 Things to Start Doing Right Now Better Sex: 10 Things to Start Doing Right Now Better Sex: 10 Things to Start Doing Right Now Better Sex: 10 Things to Start Doing Right Now


The old saying: bad sex is still good sex. The truth: you can do these 10 things right now to have a better sex life.

Q&A by Stella Harris

I'm a married man with a growing anal fetish. How can I satisfy it if my wife isn't interested? I'm a married man with a growing anal fetish. How can I satisfy it if my wife isn't interested? I'm a married man with a growing anal fetish. How can I satisfy it if my wife isn't interested? I'm a married man with a growing anal fetish. How can I satisfy it if my wife isn't interested?


Thank you for reaching out with this question. I know it can be a vulnerable topic to talk about. You bring up a lot of points in your...

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These are two very big questions, and I’ll do my best to give them both complete answers. First, let me applaud you for being concerned...

Why would you need more than one Dom(me)? Why would you need more than one Dom(me)? Why would you need more than one Dom(me)? Why would you need more than one Dom(me)?


Why have more than one Dom(me)? For the same reasons anyone has more than one partner. Many people who are polyamorous or who engage in...

I'm considering a career in sex education. Where do I start? I'm considering a career in sex education. Where do I start? I'm considering a career in sex education. Where do I start? I'm considering a career in sex education. Where do I start?


“You’re a sex educator? That’s so cool! How can I do that?” I hear some variation of this question about once a week. And I get it. Sex...


I’m so sorry you’ve gone through these awful experiences, and I’m very glad to hear that you’re already in therapy and that you’re...