"You don't deserve to fuck me. Not with that little thing between your legs."
Cocktail Weenies: Small Penis Humiliation 101
As we enjoyed a bit of impact play, those disdainful words hit their intended target with a whimper.
See, small penis humiliation is a backbone of my dynamic—and something both myself and my partner enjoy. Despite his average-sized penis, and my disinterest in anything larger than average-sized, we both enjoy the roleplaying that his penis is inadequate—and entirely unable to please me.
(Penis-in-vagina penetration is pretty rare for us—though we enjoy other forms of sex pretty regularly! For example, strap-on harnesses and dildos are a common feature in our bedroom—in addition to pegging and threesome roleplays.)
So, what is small penis humiliation—and why do people enjoy it?
Lemme take you on a short, fun journey into the world of small penis humiliation (commonly abbreviated as "SPH" to keep fingers from falling off.)
What is Small Penis Humiliation?
If you break down the term "small penis humiliation", you get the entire definition, wrapped up nice and tidy for you. (It isn't often that the world of kink wraps things up so nicely!)
That's to say: People with a small penis humiliation kink are aroused (and/or enjoy) being humiliated for their tiny penis size—whether their penis is actually below-average or not. They may enjoy being compared to people with larger penises and, especially mid-humiliation, some small penis humiliation fetishists can find it hot to have their entire worth as a sexual partner tied into their penis size.
READ: Talking Dirty: Things to Say If Your Partner's Into Humiliation Play.
On the flip side, some people enjoy giving small penis humiliation because it puts the power strictly in their court. Some tops (i.e. SPH-givers) enjoy humiliation in general, and small penis humiliation can be a facet of humiliation.
Other tops really enjoy how this type of play can segway into other kinks—like cuckolding, strap-on sex or using dildos—which can ensure the top's preferences are met while still making the situation arousing for all.
Still yet, other tops gravitate towards small penis humiliation because they may not desire penetration, and many SPH-enjoying penis-owners like the trope that they're "too small" to penetrate—in which case it's a win-win.
Much like some emotional sadism scenes can feel cathartic because you know your partner recognizes the things you're self-conscious about and still cares about you (and/or still wants to have sex with you), small penis humiliation scenes can feel very intimate and bonding for those playing out this kink.
But How Can Humiliation Be A Turn-On?
You might be surprised to find out that quite a few small penis humiliation fetishists actually have a relatively average-sized penis.
Like any kink out there, sexual arousal to a concept can hit anyone. (I've even known a few strap-on wielders who intentionally strap on tiny dildos to live out their small penis humiliation kinks!)
That said, a large portion of the SPH community have a smaller-than-average penises. Similar to how some plus-sized people become feeder fetishists or piggy/cow roleplay fetishists, small penis humiliation can be a way for people with smaller-than-average penises to frame their body in a positive light against social structures constantly calling them less-than.
READ: 9 Penis Facts That Will Make You Feel Awesome About Yours.
While this isn't how society should operate, penis owners receive constant messaging about penis size (and how "bigger is better") throughout their lives. If they've had exceptionally cruel partner(s), this may have been further stressed (unconsensually!) when trying to be intimate with a partner.
Over time, some of the brain's "wires" can begin to cross, and those same "bigger is better" messages can become a source of eroticism. For some, those unwanted, embarrassing situations with a cruel or emotionally abusive partner might actually start to seem like a springboard for their small penis humiliation kink.
What Should I Do If I Want to Try Small Penis Humiliation?
Humiliation is a dangerous beast—especially in the bedroom.
While it can be extremely erotic when you're both turned on and lost in the throes of lust, it can come back to bite you later if you're not careful. So, here are three things you can do to help make sure any humiliation stays fun for everyone.
1. Plan for Extended Aftercare
The number one priority with any erotic humiliation scene is to ensure no one takes the "humiliation" to heart. It's supposed to be there for sexy arousal—not something to genuinely reflect self-worth.
With that in mind, plan for extended aftercare when you're done with a SPH scene. Reassure one another that you still enjoy each other, and any humiliation fodder you used isn't a genuine reflection on how you feel about one another. Depending on your level of sadism and interest in touching on genuine pain points, it's possible that you were touching on genuine feelings - but you should still plan for extended aftercare to regroup, come back to Earth, stabilize your relationship and build-up your partner.
2. Talk About No-No Zones
Most of us have aspects about ourselves that are too raw to be humiliation fodder, and the same can be said for small penis humiliation kinksters.
They may not want to have their worthiness as a sexual partner brought into the equation; they may not want you to mention taking on external partners. Weight or other body image issues may be triggering (in a bad way).
Make sure you and your partner chat about what's encouraged, what's uncomfortable and what's straight-up off-limits to use for your humiliation. Especially when you're both caught up in the moment, it can be tempting to pull in new topics of humiliation to go along with SPH, so getting the "fence" set up now can help later on.
READ: What is the difference between a hard and a soft limit?
3. Set Up A Safeword
Humiliation is one of those kinks where you both can get deep into the roleplay—and fast. Make sure you both always have open lines of communication with a safeword. This way, if something actually does touch on a nerve neither of you expected, you can instantly stop, talk about it and redirect if necessary.
Now, once you've taken the necessary precautions, here are some ways to explore small penis humiliation for yourself:
How to Explore Small Penis Humiliation
- Purchase condoms that are much too large for the penis owner. Play up how they can't use a basic condom and roleplay that your usual, standard condoms are the "small size made just for them." (Do not use an extra-large condom that doesn't fit for safer sex purposes; it will slide off.)
- Get a new sex toy for size comparisons. A dildo works great here. Hold it up next to the penis-owner's penis and describe the differences in size between the two. Talk up how pleasurable the sex toy is going to be compared to the penis-owner's penis.
- "Force" the penis owner to use that sex toy on their partner. This can be done strapped-on or by hand. If it's something you both want to explore, deny the small penis owner any intercourse of their own—and potentially try denying their orgasm (if that sounds good for both of you!) because "small penises don't deserve it".
- Get a large penis stroker. As many full-sized Fleshlights are over 10 inches long, the vast majority of penis owners are nowhere near large enough to fill up the entire stroker. Use this to your advantage and talk up the fact that they're unable to fill up a simple sex toy. You could also berate them for even getting the sex toy—because "how could you be expected to feel pleasure if they can't even fill up a toy?"
- Make them hump things. Take the "your penis is too small to deserve sex with me!" trope to its fullest by making the penis owner hump things. This can be a penis stroker in sex furniture, a sex doll or even a pillow or a mattress.
- Try out a penis extender. (We recommend the Perfect Fit Breeder.) While penis extenders do not have to be fetishized, this can be a great time to try adding some humiliating dirty talk to their existence. While the penis-owner is wearing the extender, talk up how much "bigger" it makes them—and how much better that bigger size feels.
And there you have it: your basic breakdown of small penis humiliation and tips for first-timers. If only this tiny, pathetic article were longer!
Mistress Kay has a fondness for all things sexual. With a house that's quickly running out of room for all of her reading and vibrating pleasures, she spends her free time reading, writing, and learning about the sexual universe with her partners. She can be reached at Kinky World.