Asexuality: On the Other End of the Spectrum

by Kinkly
Published: APRIL 19, 2016
Asexuality is often misunderstood, but that doesn't make it any less real for those who identify this way.

For many years, or at least since the '80s, when the battle for LGBT rights began, people have slowly changed their attitudes about sex, intimacy, and what it means to be together. Often, we assume that to mean who's having sex with whom and how they're doing it.


But there is one minority out there that just doesn’t fit in with that mold. This is a group of people who don’t get off on squishing thighs, red hand prints on a luscious rump, or tricks of the tongue. These people are asexual, and they fall outside of what we usually think about when it comes to sexuality.

Misconceptions About Asexuality

Long cast aside as a sexual minority, many people aren't even aware of asexuality; those who are aware tend to be confused. Is it just a hormonal imbalance? The wrong partner? A form of social insecurity?

It might even be confusing for somebody who has discovered asexuality and might be pondering the possibility of just not being interested in sex themselves. In a world that constantly bombards people with sex, even asexuals tend to look at themselves and wonder just what might be wrong with them.


Why can I not get hard on purpose? Am I just not looking deep enough? What if there is something that is physically wrong with me?

The Spectrum of Asexuality

These are many of the questions that roll through the mind of someone who might be a member of the asexual spectrum. Asexual is a broad categorization of all the Aces out there. In fact, the types of asexuals found on the spectrum are quite diverse. Some are heteromantic. Some are homoromantic. Others are completely aromantic.

And while everybody else around them has their fun, has kids, and pursues new ways finding sexual healing, the Aces stand like a boulder in the middle of a rolling ocean, constantly assailed and yet never moving. They stay fixed to that single point, one outside of sexual tension and want.


Asexuality Getting More Public Attention

Although LGBT rights became headline news, asexuality has long been ignored by the media and society. Slowly, however, the plight of the Aces is starting to come to the public's attention. As most of the Western world embraces the fact that gays, lesbians, and even pansexual couples have every right to exist and love each other the way they want to, they continue to look at asexuality with confusion. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that most humans don’t normally think in negatives. Therefore, the absence of something, even sexual desire, is more difficult to grasp.

Some heteronormative folks feel that asexuality is the result of a hormonal imbalance and can be cured. Many people thought the same thing about homosexuality when it first gained public attention. Others feel that an asexual's lack of sexual feeling is just a matter of not getting to know somebody, a matter of not finding the right person.

I'm here to tell you that asexuality is as real as it gets, and that the absence of lust and desire is just as much a sexuality as any other. No matter where they fall on the spectrum, all asexuals have one thing in common: They don't feel sexual attraction. Fortunately, most of the Western world has started to become more aware of asexuals and what it's like to be one. Much like the gay, lesbian and pansexual population, Aces are now gaining more prominence in the fight for worldwide LGBT rights.


What's It Like to Be Asexual?

So, what is it like to be asexual in a world that is only just starting to understand it as a sexuality? There are truly fifty shades of purple when you look deeper into the spectrum. This group is diverse, interesting and, most importantly, growing as more people gain awareness and own their identities.

So, what is asexuality? It's a desire for companionship rather than penetration. It's a need for stability rather than sensuality. It's a desire for safety rather than calculated risk. Most importantly, it's a foundation for exploring just what it means to be intimate and to feel truly loved.


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