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Are You Hot to 69? How to 69 Without Suffocating Someone

Published: SEPTEMBER 1, 2022 | Updated: SEPTEMBER 1, 2022
Hate 69ing? You aren't alone. BUT don't keep trying it the same old way or write it off all together until you've given some of these "how to 69" positions a shot.

Let's talk 69 - because it's nearly impossible to talk oral sex without someone bringing it up.


And that's for a good reason! It's kinda like the unicorn of oral sex experiences. When 69 goes well, it goes really well. You both get the turn-on of pleasuring your partner while simultaneously receiving all of that pleasure yourself. It can lead to simultaneous orgasms - and an all-around great time!

But the problem is that 69 isn't usually the unicorn of sexual experiences. For many couples, it's actually the evil villain who promises an amazing time if you visit the super-dark, evil castle - but once you step foot inside, everything is just wrong.

That's because there's a lot of things that go into making 69 work well for a couple. Things like:


  • Height. If one person has a longer torso than the other, getting the angles right can be really difficult.
  • Body size. Thicker bodies can make it more difficult to reach the place your mouth wants to be - and added body weight on top of the bottom partner may be a no-go.
  • Ease of Orgasm. For lack of a better descriptive term, how easily each partner can orgasm comes into the equation too. 69 is only sustainable, for most couples, for a set period of time. If achieving orgasm usually takes over an hour, it may not be possible to stay in the 69 sex position for that long.
  • Susceptible to Distractions. On that same note, if either partner needs to be able to fully focus on orgasm in order to achieve one, having to focus on giving oral sex is likely to make it very difficult to orgasm from the oral sex they're receiving.

Read Next: The Dos and Don'ts of Hot Oral Sex

What is 69 in Sex?

A bit lost? Okay, let's ensure we're covering the basics before we dive in.

69 is a simultaneous oral sex position. To put it plainly, both people give oral sex to one another at the exact same time.


This means both partners are simultaneously receiving - and giving - oral sex.

diagram of the 69 oral sex position - one partner lays down and the other straddles their face, then positions themselves face-to-crotch. Both partners perform oral sex on each other.

The "standard" position for 69 has both partners laying down on a flat surface. However, 69 can be done in any conceivable position where both partners can simultaneously give and receive oral sex - like standing, kneeling, or using furniture to your advantage.


That only real definition for 69 is that both partners must be in a position to simultaneously give and receive oral sex.

Tips to Make 69 Better

Let's saying you're jonesing for a great 69 experience - whether you're brand new or a practiced 69'er - but you want it be a fantastic experience. While some things (as mentioned above!) are outside of your control, there are a few things you can control to make your simultaneous oral sex experience better.

Tips to make 69 better include:


Experiment with 69 Position Variations

While the "standard" 69 position features one partner laying down - and their partner laying on top of them - there's nothing that says you have to do 69 that way. For a lot of people, the "standard" 69 format leaves the bottom partner feeling suffocated - and that's no fun for anyone.

Instead, before throwing in the towel on 69, consider using some of the 69 variations at the end of this article to see if a creative change might get you both enjoying this simultaneous oral sex option. Really, swapping up your 69 position would be my first place to start since positioning makes such a big difference in your enjoyment.

Add Sex Toys

Even with new position variations, the exact angle required to give 69 might be a bit exhausting - and it might tax your jaw muscles in a way that's entirely unfamiliar. If that's the case, consider adding in a few sex toys to your 69 journey.


Swapping out a sex toy for your mouth offers a few benefits:

  • Relaxation. Especially if you need to hold your neck at a specific angle to pleasure your partner, swapping to your hands and a sex toy provides an instant break. Let your neck fall backwards to a position that's comfortable as the sex toy does all of the work.
  • Less Focus Required. Holding a vibrator or sliding a penis stroker up and down takes a lot less focus than trying to figure out what to do with your lips and tongue. If you need some downtime to focus on the pleasure you're receiving, using a sex toy can let you mentally vacation for a bit while still providing pleasure.
  • Rest the Jaw. No matter how experienced you are at giving oral sex, there's a point where your jaw just needs a break. Swapping in a sex toy to keep up stimulation can be a great way to let your poor muscles recuperate.
  • New Sensations. For the receiver, mixing up sensations can be a great way to hit "refresh" while still continuing to add pleasure. This can help the body from getting too acclimated to those oral sex sensations.

Just remember to think about what sex toys will work best in the close-quarter sex position required of 69! This may not be a good fit for a sizeable wand massager (or it could be! You tell me!), but it could be a fantastic fit for a bullet vibrator (like the We-Vibe Tango X, FemmeFunn Dioni, or Hot Octopuss DiGiT) or penis vibrator (like the Satisfyer Men Wand or Wild Flower Enby).

And remember to have those sex toys laid out ahead of time. Nobody wants to continually get out of bed mid-sex!

Take Turns Giving and Receiving 69

There's nothing that says your 69 experience needs to be constantly simultaneous at all times.

Instead, consider taking turns giving and receiving pleasure while in the 69 position. Let one person take a break - and only receive - while the other partner gives. After a little bit, swap positions. If your mouths are too full to talk, consider a move popularized by wrestling: a double-tap on the thigh or ground to make it clear you want to swap.

Especially if you're having problems with being able to relax long enough to actually reach orgasm, swapping can make it easier to hit that precipice without the worry of constantly needing to swap your brain on.

Swap Your Body's Positions

Is one partner always on top - or always on bottom? Consider swapping.

Not only does this change up the angles for both partners, but it can also alleviate some of the "suffocating" sensations that some bottom partners complain about during 69.

You might find that you like this alternative positioning even better than the original position you were attempting!

Use Furniture to Your Advantage

Getting the angles "right" during 69 can be hard. Not only do you need to avoid suffocating your partner, but you actually need to, somehow, through the power of yogic magic, manage to get both people's genitals into the right place to achieve oral sex.

There's a reason why this can be so frustrating for people: because it's hard. Plain and simple!

Using furniture (whether designated sex furniture or not) can be a good way to start. Sex furniture can help hold your bodies in different angles while reducing the strain on your own muscles to get there.

A long, foot-of-the-bed ottoman, for example, can be the perfect piece of furniture for 69 sex. The bottom-most partner can lay out on the ottoman - and the top partner can stand, straddling the bench, to get into place. Not only can the top partner shuffle their feet to make position changes on the fly, but the standing position reduces how much bodyweight is pressed onto the laying partner. It's a win-win!

Standard household furniture isn't the only option, though. Furniture especially designed for sex can be helpful here too. A Liberator Wedge, for example, can be slid underneath the bottom partners hips for elevation. With the hips elevated, the top partner will not need to strain their neck as deeply in order to hit the right spot. If you want to go full-out, a Liberator Esse Chaise provides some of the best angles for 69 - as it elevates the head and hips (think of a U-shape!) of the bottom partner for better access all-around.

And a sex swing or aerial yoga hammock? It can be amazing for 69 too! With the top partner resting their chest and abdomen in the sex swing, minimal weight will be pressed into the partner on the bottom - and the top partner will have an easier time sustaining the position for long periods of time!

It's all about getting creative with the furniture around your home - and the sex furniture available to you - to figure out the best combinations to reduce the pain and pressure points you're finding in the 69 position.

Take the quiz: Test Your Oral Sex Knowledge

Stop Trying 69!

Okay, okay, I know, that's not probably the advice you want out of an article about how to do 69.

But, for a lot of people, 69 just isn't all that fun - no matter how many modifications they add to it. Bodies don't match up, claustrophobia sets in, and people get too focused on providing pleasure to really focus on receiving their own pleasure.

There's nothing wrong with that! 69 doesn't have to be for you; there's no oversight agency on "things you can enjoy during sex". So if 69 isn't doing it for you both, consider enjoying the oral sex you already love - then swapping places. Or jump into other sex acts that offer a "sharing" vibe to them - like sharing dildos, sharing vibrators, or more.

69 Sex Position Variations to Try

I mentioned trying different 69 sex position variations to increase your enjoyment. So, let's talk about what those positions are - and how they can help.

All Bodies, All Pleasure

All Bodies All Pleasure - To perform this mutual oral sex position, each partner lays on their side, each facing their partner's genitals.

Think of the standard 69 position - and then picture both partners rolling onto their sides. That's what the All Bodies, All Pleasure position is in a nutshell!

By rolling the standard 69 position onto its side, neither partner is dealing with the full body weight of the other partner. With the soft thighs there as head pillows and the ability to for both partners to easily move their heads for breathing and angle adjustment, the All Bodies, All Pleasure position can be so much easier to get into - and maintain - than the standard 69 position.

Modify It: You might be really, really aware of how heavy your thighs are in this position. If either partner isn't comfortable with thighs acting as ear muffs, consider strategically placed chairs (or doing this position up against a wall or bed) where either partner can rest their leg onto a surface to reduce leg strain.

Try It With: With both partners laying on their side, one arm is likely out of the equation. For the arms that aren't trapped underneath bodyweight, however, the All Bodies, All Pleasure position can be a great choice for utilizing sex toys - including anal toys. With the legs spread to make space for either partner's head, this can leave the anal entrance open for pleasurable business (if either partner is into it!)

Sex Swing 69

Sex Swing 69 Sex Position. One partner is laying down flat in the air with the help of the sex swing. The other partner stands while straddling the lying partner's shoulders. This partner then bends at the waist to place their head between the suspended person's legs.

This is probably one of my favorite ways to modify the standard 69 position. By using a sex swing to support body weight, both partners have a lot more freedom to move around, swap up angles, and avoid the pressure of another human laying on top of them.

In particular, a sex swing can help make your 69 even more pleasurable with its customizable design. If the bottom partner's hips or head need to be higher, simple shorten the sex swing straps - and bam: fixed.

A sex swing also takes height out of the equation. The bottom partner can be raised (or lowered!) by adjusting the straps to find the perfect height that works for the standing partner's hip hinge.

(Tip! This is also the same type of positioning I'd suggest for taking advantage of a long, foot-of-the-bed ottoman!)

Modify It: Floating, magically, in the air by the support of two straps may not be comfortable for all laying partners. If that's the case, experiment with different types of sex swings. Some sex swings feature a wide, supportive platform (versus the standard straps).

Try It With: Consider a penis ring (like the Fun Factory NOS or Nexus Simul8) for penis owners or a vaginal vibrator (like the Mystim Tickling Truman electrosex vibrator or the Lovense Lush 3) for vulva owners. Adding in extra sensations can make your sex feel even more amazing! And partnered with your cool sex position within a sex swing, using sex toys at the same time can really make you feel like an oral sex pro!

Read: 5 Awesome Sex Swing Positions That Will Leave You Flying High

Standing 69 Position

Standing 69 Sex Position

Let's be real: this one is entirely for bragging rights - or when every surface around you is absolutely filthy but you still must have some oral sex. (I'm not sure that's happened to me before, but you might be more sexually adventurous than I am!)

Standing 69 is difficult - like, really difficult - and the vast majority of couples will not find this a viable alternative to standard 69. Even for those who can get into it, the position is probably short-lived as an approaching climax and holding another person's bodyweight is enough to exhaust even the strongest bodybuilders.

Just make sure you tap out before you're exhausted. Dropping the suspended partner in this position can be, quite literally, fatal.

Modify It By: Using anything that removes some of the weight that the standing partner needs to carry. This may mean placing the suspended partner against the wall - or using a hanging hammock or sex swing to support underneath the suspended partners thighs. For people with access to hanging, weight-supporting bars (like a powerlifting cage - or a set of outdoor monkey bars in your yard), the suspended partner can also help support some of their own weight with their legs in this position.

Try It With: If you're going to give Standing 69 a try, speed is the name of the game. Pregame in a more comfortable position - then try Standing 69 as you both are already ramped up. Consider adding your favorite sex toys to help speed things along too.

Face Off Sex Position

Face Off oral sex position - the receiving partner stands, bent over and facing away from the giving partner, who is seated

Removing laying from the equation entirely, the Face Off Sex Position combines sitting - and bending over - for simultaneous oral sex. With this new placement, pressure from bodyweight is removed entirely from the equation - but torso height can still come into play with getting the angles to make oral sex happen.

Modify It By: The Face Off Sex Position requires a severe bending angle from the standing partner to make a mutual oral sex position. Have the sitting partner lean back onto a solid surface (like a wall or bed) to provide more space. With more space available, the standing partner can place their feet behind the sitting partner's hips - which means less of a severe bend will be required in order to perform simultaneous oral sex. The sitting partner could also bend their knees so the standing partner can rest their hands and hold themselves steady.

Try It With: Some flavored lube. While not unique to this position, have you ever tried flavored lube with your oral sex? It can add a bit of playfulness to the activity while also adding some delicious slipping and sliding potential. A sample kit like the Wicked Teasers or Kama Sutra Sex-To-Go Kits can make it easy to find your favorites.

Taste of Bliss

Taste of Bliss simultaneous oral sex position. The bottom partner is laying on their back with their knees pulled up back towards their shoulders. The top partner is straddling the bottom partner's face with their face in-between the exposed area of the bottom partner's thighs.

If pressure on the bottom partner doesn't bother them, the Taste of Bliss sex position can make it easier to get the angles you need for simultaneous oral sex. By pulling the bottom partner's knees to their shoulders, the hips elevate and make for easier access of the genitals. At the same time, this balled-up position, partnered with the top partner's bodyweight on top, can provide some pretty serious compression to the bottom partner (that may not be comfortable for all!)

If you find that standard 69 positions don't provide the right angles for you, though, the Taste of Bliss position can make it easier to get those angles. The bottom partner can increase - or reduce - their leg angle to move where the genitals rest. At the same time, the top partner can lean further in - or away - from their partner to change where their body rests as well.

Modify It With: If holding this position seems like a pipedream, don't forget about some of the sex position aids out there that may be able to help. A Liberator Jaz slipped under the bottom partner's hips can reduce strain on the lower back. A sex sling wrapped around the bottom's ankles can anchor the bottom partner's legs and require less strength to hold them in place. A sex swing or elevated surface (like doing this near a stairwell!) underneath the top partner's knees can help reduce how much weight is pressed onto the partner underneath.

Try It With: Hands-free sex toys. The Taste of Bliss position's severe angles will likely mean that both of you will have your hands busy keeping you both in the position. To add extra sensation, hands-free sex toys like We-Vibe Jive, Hot Octopuss Jett, We-Vibe Bond, Cloud 9 Wireless Remote Panty Leaf Vibe, and Dame Eva II can be a lifesaver.

Mistress Kay

Mistress Kay has a fondness for all things sexual. With a house that's quickly running out of room for all of her reading and vibrating pleasures, she spends her free time reading, writing, and learning about the sexual universe with her partners. She can be reached at Kinky World.

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