Confession time! Many, many years ago, I hated handjobs. I’d do them, but it wasn’t something I considered fun. My arm would ache. I always wondered when it would be over. Eventually, I’d either climb on top or turn it into a blowjob just to do something different. How sad. If that was my reaction, I have to wonder how good it was for him?
Handjobs are vastly underrated sexual acts, and some of us don’t try too terribly hard to get any better at them. We can do better!
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Fast forward a few years, and I’m much better about it now. I don’t consider it a chore, and I really want to touch my partner in ways that make him moan and writhe. If a handjob is what he needs, I’m ready to give it to him.
Handjobs are vastly underrated sexual acts, and some of us don’t try too terribly hard to get any better at them. Too many guys are just grateful that their cock is getting any attention so they don’t complain. We can do better.
If you’re like me, and not proud of your handjob game, here are some tips that will help you give him the handjob that blows his mind...and maybe his load.
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Read: The Lost Art of the Handjob Everything’s better with lube. It’s just a fact. Too much friction and he may wonder if you’re trying to start a fire down there. Instead, get your hand and his cock nice and slippery before you get to work. You’ll move more freely against his skin, and neither of you will have to worry about creating a fire hazard. Plus, with a good lube, everything feels soooo much better. A handjob isn’t a blowjob, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a lick or two. Swipe your tongue across his glans or the meatus (his slit). When it’s unexpected and paired with the motion of your hand, his reaction will be pretty obvious. Goosebumps, rock hard cock, and a “Yesssss!” let you know you should do that again.
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I refuse to believe I’m the only one who worries about tendonitis when I give a handjob. We have to stop doing the same exact motion over and over again or wanking him like we’re ready for it to be over! Use both hands and you’ll split the effort. Even better, you’ll add to his pleasure. Try a twisting motion or use one hand to stroke while the other strokes his balls, frenulum, or plays with his glans. (Get more tips in Hand Sex ... Without the Painkiller Chaser.) Change up the speed. Although you probably don’t want to stroke him like he’s a jackhammer, you can slow down or speed up. Apply more pressure. Lick, stroke, squeeze, and then add your other hand. Eventually, you may want to fall into a rhythm that helps him come, but while you’re playing, switch it around a little. Neither of you should be bored during this. The testicles get forgotten during handjobs and blowjobs too often. Since you’re already using two hands, use one to cup his balls. Glide your fingers over his skin. Move them back and forth in your palm. Even lick them, if it’s something he enjoys. My partner actually likes it when I (gently!) rake my nails over his testicles and up his shaft.
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You’re already at his balls so let’s keep going. Stop right at the backdoor, so to speak. Between the scrotum and anus is a section of skin and nerves called the perineum (also known as the “taint”). Rub him the right way there, and you may be surprised at how big reaction can get. And congrats, you’ll have just given him an external version of a prostate massage. (Read: The 5 Rules of Anal Play for Straight Men.) Like our genitals, every penis needs and wants its own unique attention. Don’t assume that the dick in front of you should be stroked and licked the same way as others before him. Ask to watch him masturbate. Ask “Do you like this?” or say “Tell me what you like.” Then, when he does, do it for him. Some guys want faster and harder. Others are good with a little pain. Give him what he likes, and you’ll blow his mind. Maybe you’re stuck apart in a long distance relationship. Maybe you’re away for a business meeting or family trip but still want to connect. Hell, maybe you just love trying new things. A virtual handjob is a real thing thanks to the award-winning Pearl and Onyx set by Kiiroo. He wears the sleeve, you play with the shaft/vibrator. Fuck yourself, stroke it, or suck it; no matter where he is, he will be able to feel what you’re doing through the sleeve. (Read: Worlds Apart: Why the Onyx Is a Unique Male Masturbator.)
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Handjobs shouldn’t feel like work. Think of it as another way to connect erotically, whether it’s foreplay or the main act. Treat your partner the way you want to be treated - find out what he likes, give him more of it, and be willing to try new things. You’ll be rewarded for it in the end with a satisfied partner which can lead to even more sexy fun for both of you.
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Kayla Lords
Professional writer, sex blogger, erotic author, sexual submissive, and kinkster, Kayla writes more than is probably healthy over at A Sexual Being and overshares about the kinky and mundane side of her BDSM relationship. Her mission: to make BDSM, specifically Dominance and submission, less scary, less weird, and much more real and attainable for anyone willing to learn more.
