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HOW TO PLEASURE

8 Steps to Giving a Great Blow Job

by JON PRESSICK
Published: MAY 6, 2021 | Updated: AUGUST 24, 2021
Presented by SATISFYER
Variety is the spice of life - and oral sex.

Our mouths are absolutely incredible—wonderlands of sensation and ability. We can use them to take the most exquisite flavours and speak the most inspired thoughts. Hidden inside is the tongue, a muscle of incredible strength and agility.

It is no surprise that humans have incorporated the many opportunities the mouth offers into sex. And even less shocking that fellatio, most incongruously known as blowjobs, are a favoured and beloved sex act to receive.

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Some might look at blowjobs as the simple act of mouth on penis and a different version of thrusting-like intercourse. But they can be so much more than that! And because of the great variety blowjobs offer, they can be an intimidating act for those who haven’t used their mouth that way before.

If you’ve been curious about blowjobs but unsure where to start, check out this step-by-step guide to giving a great blowjob!

First Things First: There’s No Actual Blowing

It’s true. Does anybody really know why a blowjob is called a blowjob? The origins are unclear, but to clear up any misconceptions before you start: you won’t be “blowing” at all unless you want to incorporate the sensation of blowing air onto your partner’s penis to mix things up.

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Step 1: Oral Communication

Communication is the key to great sex. Discussing ways to play that are new-to-you or new to you-and-your-partner before actually attempting them will allow you both to ask questions, set boundaries, share likes and dislikes and offer up fantasy scenarios. While a blowjob might look like relatively straightforward sexy fun, the act and aspects of it can bring up a number of important questions and considerations—especially if you’re new to the blowjob scene.

Here are some details you both should discuss before embarking on a downtown train:

  • Will we be using a condom?

  • Should a shower take place beforehand?

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  • Am I giving you head for our mutual pleasure or as pleasure for you?

  • Do either of us have any specific blowjob desires (perhaps introducing a toy or a flavored lube) we want to try?

  • How will we handle orgasm and ejaculation?

  • These jumping off points will likely lead to more thoughts and questions as you chat more about your upcoming oral adventure. While there are some serious considerations in there, this is also an opportunity to tease each other and build excitement.

    There’s a reason blowjobs receive so damn much attention. For sure, they feel delightful for the person receiving. However, if the person giving the blowjob is also engaged and turned on by the action—and doesn’t feel like they’re just performing something pleasurable only for their partner—then the entire scene can be one of incredible arousal.

    Step 2: Know Porno Blowjobs Aren't That Realistic

    Blowjobs have attained near-mythic status as a sex act. They are the stuff of legend and have been continually romanticized. And, absolutely, they can feel great. And, absolutely, they can feel great to provide. But, when it comes to embarking on your blowjob adventure, it is important to consider what you want to happen with what might actually happen.

    Whether you’ve heard about blowjobs from friends and lovers, seen them in movies or porn, read about them in books or step-by-step guides online, everyone is going to have a different reaction to actual fellatio.

    • Will I like the feeling of a penis in my mouth?

    • Will I like the taste of their precum and/or ejaculate?

    • Will my partner enjoy it?

    • Will I gag if their penis is too big?

    • Will giving a blowjob turn me on?

    • Will I have trouble keeping my teeth from hurting my partner?

    • Will I be able to/want to deep throat?

    • Will I enjoy giving a blowjob?

    • Should I use a toy?

    The answer to all of these is...maybe. Until you try it, you won’t know. When you share blowjobs with different partners, those answers might change.

    Step 3: The Approach

    Okay, so you’ve put your heads together on the topic of head and all systems are go! Depending on what you learned in your chat, you might already have a plan. Do you want to lay your partner down on the bed, slowly strip off their clothes, caress their body and slowly, but surely, tease them until you’re ready to take their penis in your mouth? Will you use a vibrator against their perineum to add to the sensation, or try an air pulse vibrator along the frenulum (but note that can be very sensitive!)? Or do you want to back them against a wall, sink to your knees, pull their cock out and stuff it into your face?


    Here’s the thing about blowjobs: just like fingerprints, no two are alike. There are countless ways to give a hummer! It really is one of the more versatile sex acts. In bed? Definitely. In the shower? Steamy! On the couch, in a chair...everywhere else that we dare? Do it here, do it there, do it with flare! In a variety of positions? Heck yeah! Gentle? Nice. Rough? Hot! In public? For sure, just be careful, considerate and don’t get caught!


    Step 4: Best Blowjob Positions

    Okay, okay, let’s rein things in a little bit. Sure, blowjobs are super versatile, but if you’re just starting out with fellatio and not quite a full-on cock gobbler, then finding a mutually-comfortable position is essential for acquainting yourself with this new, sexy fun. Because here’s the thing frequently forgotten about giving head: depending on how you do it, it can be a strenuous activity!


    It is important to remember that even if you’re incredibly turned on by providing oral pleasure to your partner, you’re less likely to enjoy (and potentially repeat) the experience if you’re uncomfortable or in pain. When you’re deciding which position to use for your blowie, think about the parts of your body that are most durable. You’re going to be involving your jaw, your neck, your shoulders and your arms for sure. Other body parts that can come into play are your knees and back. Let’s consider some common blowjob positions and how they’ll impact your comfort.

    • Kneeling on the floor: Whether your partner is standing or sitting, kneeling down in front of them for some oral action is a blowjob classic. It will allow you to fully explore their penis (and surrounding genitals) with your mouth and hands to find the most sensitive spots. However, this position puts a lot of stress on your knees—even if you add pillows to kneel on.

    • Doggy on a bed: This is another tried and true favourite, but it can be hard to maintain for a long time. WIth your partner laying on their back, you position yourself on all fours beside them or between their legs. Again, you’ll have wonderful access to their body, and your knees will thank you, but in this position you need to consider your shoulders and neck. You won’t have as much freedom to play with your hands, as one arm will always be needed to hold you up. Switch that arm up from time to time to relieve shoulder pressure. And depending on how vigorously you like to suck cock, you could feel some strain in your neck from bobbing above the penis for too long.

    • Head on their belly: If this is your first time giving a blowjob, this is my recommended position. Have your partner lay on their back and then you rest your head on their belly just above their penis. You’ll be able to touch and hold and stroke their cock with one hand while also licking and sucking it. You’ll almost be spooning the lower part of your partner’s body! One drawback some will note—and it is a big one—you’ll lose the option of eye contact. Locking eyes can be both incredibly intimate and intensely erotic during oral sex. Something to think about.

    For more oral sex positions, check out our Sex Postions playlist!

    Step 5: How to Use Your Tongue for a Blowjob

    Now that you’ve considered blowjob logistics, let’s get down to the brass tacks: your mouth. Some folks wonder how a mouth feels different from other types of penetration. Well, it sure does! Yes, a vagina is warm and wet. Yes, and anus is also warm and has a tight ring, much like lips. But what do neither of these have? The versatility and creativity that a tongue offers!

    Blowjobs are often depicted, in porn and, more discreetly, in movies and TV, as a strictly up-and-down mouth piston situation. Now, that can feel good, sure, however, a true mouth sex artiste will tell you that a blowjob goes to new heights when the giver gets their tongue involved.

    • Lick the entire penis up, down and already before you even take it into your mouth.

    • Concentrate tongue action on the frenulum, meatus (urethral opening) and glans in the beginning of a blowjob.

    diagram of the glans penis

    • Use your tongue to spread saliva along the shaft which can be used as lubrication for added stroking.

    • When you do have the cock head in your mouth, close your lips tight, but swirl your tongue around.

    • When the head is in your mouth, if you’re in the right position, stroke the frenulum up and down. If the ridge of the glans is more present, do the same thing to it.

    • If you do proceed to some mouth pumping or strong sucking action, edge your partner occasionally by pulling your mouth off and licking their penis all over.

    • A tongue on the scrotum is an amazing sensation. Mix things up with an occasional swirl while you stroke their cock.

    Step 6: How to Use Your Hands During a Blowjob

    Another phallus fallacy from film is that blowjobs are all about the mouth. Put-mouth-on-penis-and-suck isn’t really the true path to great fellatio. Sure, head certainly can be a purely mouth-driven experience, more often than not you will find that your hands will become an integral part of the pleasure process. And there’s a pretty simple reason for this: blowjobs can be real work!

    Think about it. Our hands and arms are used to performing labor. Pretty much every day for extended periods of time. Our lips, tongues and jaws, on the other, er, hand, are mainly concerned with specific activities: talking and eating. Giving a hand job is almost second nature as something arms can handle. Extending licking and sucking sessions aren’t as commonplace—unless you really love big ice cream cones and really thick milkshakes.

    So, in a practical sense, adding some hand action to a blowjob will again, help you enjoy the experience as well because it will alleviate some of your discomfort. It will add extra pressure on the shaft if your jaws tire from sucking. A well-placed thumb can provide stimulation to the frenulum while you lick the glans—or vice versa. Your hands can provide a significant amount of the low-key continued stimulation that makes a blowjob overall amazing while your mouth comes in as the superhero with extra-special powers that makes the experience mind-blowing.

    Step 7: How to Deep Throat

    So here you are. Lips, tongue, hands—everything is coming together and your partner is loving it. You’ll be able to tell by the moans, groans, twitches and involuntary thrusts. They might even have their hands on the back of your head or entwined in your hair. They might be touching and pleasuring you at the same time. They might even be guiding your head to go further down...and you might also be tempted…

    Here’s the thing about the mythology of blowjobs: yes, deep throating is a thing, but no, it neither always possible or desired.

    Deep throating is the act of opening your throat wider to take a penis deeper into your mouth. Some people can do this, and some can do it with remarkable ease. However, many people cannot. Everyone has a gag reflex which helps us deny objects from entering our throats and causing harm. Some folks have better control over their gag reflexes and can allow things, like hard cocks, deeper into their mouths.

    Let’s put it this way: the average penis is between five to six inches in length and the average mouth is between two to three inches deep. The most sensitive nerve endings of a penis are located in the head, in the first inch or so.

    If you try to deep throat your person’s penis and it works, great, carry on! If you try to deep throat that penis and it makes you gag, pull back and concentrate on the pleasure you can provide. If you do gag, don’t worry. You might feel embarrassed, but there’s no shame in knowing our bodies’ limitations. However, if your partner tries to push deeper or move your head down further, stop and revisit Step 1 with them.

    Step 8: Spit or Swallow?

    Alright, this is the one we’ve all been holding our breath for. If you’re taking the blowjob train right to the end of the line then you need to know when you’re getting into when you arrive at Ejaculation Station. Regardless how much you read, watch or get told by friends, nothing can fully prepare you for the moment of intensity you will experience when your partner shoots a load of cum in your mouth.

    That is...if you want them to.

    Whether you do or do not want your partner’s ejaculation to occur in your mouth is entirely up to you. You may love it and want to do it over and over. You may hate it and may want to never do it again. You might be entirely indifferent. However, how you feel about having a mouth full of semen is the paramount consideration so be sure to listen to your own needs at this point.

    If you do want to receive your partner’s semen in your mouth, here are some things to be aware of:

    • Precum and cum taste very different. Precum is much sweeter, whereas cum can be bitter, salty, semi-sweet and all of the above and entirely influenced by your partner’s diet.

    • Precum and cum also have different textures. Precum has a viscosity and texture more similar to lube or oil. Cum ranges in textures (partially influenced by your partner’s hydration levels) from runny and slick to lumpy and sticky.

    • Some people “shoot” cum from their penis with some force and can send it a good distance. Others have just a dribble out of their cock.

    • The average amount of ejaculate excreted is one teaspoon. As with everything else, this can vary.

    • Just because you take your partner’s ejaculation in your mouth doesn’t mean you have to swallow it. Spit it out if you want!

    Some folks, partners or friends, will tell you that in-mouth ejaculation is the key to a “complete” blowjob. And you might feel that way yourself. But this isn’t necessarily the case for everyone—including those who are on the receiving end of your oral pleasures. Here are some alternatives for when your partner nears ejaculation:

    • Move your mouth away from the meatus. Your mouth can still be on their penis—other side of the head, shaft, scrotum—but the cum won’t be in your mouth.

    • Close your lips but keep them in contact. The ejaculate will coat just the outside of your mouth.

    • Lick the frenulum. In this instance, you might still end up with some cum in your mouth or on your lips...but it won’t be like taking the whole shot at once.

    • Aim somewhere else entirely. For some folks, the moment of ejaculation can also be visually awesome. If you’re comfortable with your partner cumming on your face, chest, torso, pretty much anywhere else, use your hand to stroke and aim that load to a different destination.

    Do you feel ready to use your mouth in a whole new way? Hopefully you’ll take away some ideas that are exciting and your concerns have been addressed. With all things sexual, you’ll never really know if you like blowjobs until you try them. We’ve shared a mouthful here...so good luck!

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    Jon Pressick

    Jon Pressick is a sex-related media gadabout. For more than 20 years, Jon has been putting sex into our daily conversations at his long-running site SexInWords—as a writer, editor, publisher, sex toy reviewer, radio host, workshop facilitator, event producer and more. These days, he focuses on writing for Kinkly, GetMeGiddy, The Buzz and PinkPlayMags and editing Jason Armstrong's series of Solosexual books. You can find him on Twitter at @Sexinwords.

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