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How to Give a Blowjob: Step-by-Step Instructions

Published: JUNE 27, 2023
While there are broad techniques you can use to up your blowjob game, every body is different. Check in with your partner before, during and after sucking them off to create the sensations that feel best for them.

Our mouths are absolutely incredible. They allow us to kiss, shout, sing, smile, eat, tell secrets - and create wonderlands of sensation through the magic of oral sex.

Fellatio (or a blowjob, as it’s more commonly known) is a favored and beloved sex act among penis owners of all kinds. And there’s lots more to them than “put-dick-in-mouth-and-suck”!

To determine what goes into a great blowjob, I consulted an expert, Dainis Graveris, Certified Sex Educator and Relationship Coach at SexualAlpha, along with some thoughtful Kinkly readers with experience on the receiving end. Using their advice, I compiled these step-by-step blowjob instructions. Put them into practice to give head your partner won’t soon forget!

Read: I Tried a Sex Doll: Here's What It Was Like

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How to Use These Blowjob Instructions

I should run though a few disclaimers before diving into this step-by-step blowjob guide:

  • There’s no actual blowing. The origins of the term “blowjob” are unclear, but you likely won’t be blowing air onto your partner’s penis (unless you want to experiment with the sensations that could provide!).
  • Don’t overthink it. Your mind is a powerful sexual tool. In fact, A study in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy found that "orgasmic pleasure and satisfaction were related more to ... the cognitive-affective than sensory aspects of the orgasm experience." That means, for better or for worse, what’s going on in your head can really affect your ability to give head. As much as possible, try to relax and tune into your partner’s pleasure.
  • Blowjobs aren’t a prerequisite for good sex. Not everyone likes giving them; not everyone likes getting them. You should work on your blowjob skills if, and only if, it’s sexually fulfilling to you — not because you feel like you have to so you can be “good at sex” or to “keep your partner happy.”
  • This blowjob guide isn’t universal! How could it be? Every penis is different! While there are broad techniques and strategies you can use to up your blowjob game, there are as many definitions of a “perfect blowjob” as there are people with penises. Check in with your partner before, during and after sucking them off to create the sensations that feel best for them.

Now, here are the steps to giving a great blowjob:

Blowjob Diagram

Understanding the penis’ anatomy can help you maximize your partner’s pleasure. Here’s a diagram to help:

Blowjob Diagram: diagram showing the perineum, shaft, glans, meatus, testicles and frenulum on a flaccid penis.

The parts of the penis highlighted above include:

  • The frenulum. This V-shaped elastic piece of skin connects the foreskin to the glans on the underside of the penis and, for many people, is the most responsive area of their penis. In Kinkly's webinar “Give Good Head: How to Make Oral Unforgettable,” certified sex educator Ducky Doolittle explains this is because the top of the shaft “is touching their clothing and stuff all day,” while the underside of the penis is “sitting against warm skin and, consequently, is not getting the same amount of sensation and friction as the rest of their body.”
  • The glans. The glans is the smooth, bulbous end of the penile shaft. For uncircumcised people, the glans is covered by the foreskin. The glans is packed with nerve endings and is sometimes compared to the clitoris for its ability to provide intensely pleasurable sensations.
  • The meatus. While “meatus” technically refers to any canal-like opening in the body, on penises it describes the urinary opening in the urethra. In other words, it's the hole from which semen is ejaculated. It’s sometimes referred to as the U-Spot because it’s dense with nerves that are also connected to other areas of the genitalia that are involved in sexual pleasure.
  • The shaft. The shaft is the length of the penis that runs from the scrotum to the glans, comprising three cylinders of soft and spongy erectile tissue. Each cylinder contains numerous small blood vessels that fill with blood during sexual arousal, which causes an erection and makes the shaft sensitive to pressure, temperature and touch.
  • The testicles/scrotum. Testicles, colloquially known as “balls,” are sperm-producing glands that live inside the scrotum (or “ballsack”). Four major nerves supply the scrotum with sensation through myriad nerve endings, according to a paper published in the National Library of Medicine, which means this area can be particularly sensitive to stimulation. (It’s also why being struck in this area has a reputation for being especially painful!)
  • The perineum. The perineum is the area located between the sex organs and the anus. Stimulation here can feel really good during arousal because, as certified sex educator Alicia Sinclair told “Refinery29,” “During arousal, all bodies experience a swelling and engorging in the genital area, which results in increased sensitivity of the overall genital region.” This can be especially true for penis owners with prostates, as it’s possible to externally stimulate the prostate by “applying pressure to the perineum,” Sinclair explained.

Keep in mind that not every person with a penis will enjoy stimulation in all of the areas mentioned above. The frenulum and glans, for example, tend to be the most sensitive areas of the penis, but oral stimulation there can be too intense for some bodies. As with any sex act, make sure to check in with your partner to find out what they like.

Blowjobs: A Step-By-Step Guide

Step 1: Oral Communication

“When it comes to giving or receiving fellatio, it's important for partners to have a chill chat beforehand,” said Graveris. “Talk about what gets you both going, any specific likes or dislikes and definitely discuss boundaries and consent.”

READ: A Step-by-Step Guide to Negotiating Consent

Here are some details we recommend discussing with your partner before giving them a blowjob:

  • Will we be using a condom?
  • Should a shower take place beforehand?
  • Am I giving you head for our mutual pleasure or to pamper you?
  • Do either of us have any specific blowjob desires (e.g., introducing a toy or flavored lube)?
  • How will we handle orgasm and ejaculation?

These questions will likely lead to more discussion points as you chat more about your oral adventure. While there are some serious considerations to go over, negotiation is also an opportunity to tease each other and build excitement.

Graveris notes that “Keeping the vibe open, honest and consensual makes for a way better experience for both of you.”

Step 2: Know That Porno Blowjobs Aren't That Realistic

Blowjobs can feel great - whether you’re giving or getting. That doesn’t change, however, that they’re arguably one of the most over-romanticized sex acts. This is likely because, socially, sexual pleasure for penises is often prioritized over that for vulvas/vaginas.

Because of this mysticism around fellatio, it’s often depicted unrealistically in porn. Graveris observes, “In adult content, fellatio is often portrayed in a way that prioritizes visual appeal and creates an idealized performance for the camera. This can involve exaggerated angles, intense stimulation, and an emphasis on aesthetics rather than the authentic experience of real-life fellatio.”

And while there certainly can be a place for that sort of technique IRL, real-life blowjobs often look much different.

“Real-life fellatio is not solely focused on the mechanics but also on creating a shared experience that considers the desires, boundaries, and pleasure of both individuals involved. It involves being attuned to each other's cues, exploring preferences, and prioritizing mutual satisfaction to enhance the overall sexual encounter,” said Graveris.

Speed aside, everyone is going to have a different reaction to giving or getting a blowjob. What worked well for your last partner may be too intense for your current partner, which is yet another reason why communication is key.

Step 3: Blowjob Foreplay

Depending on what you learned in your pre-BJ chat, you might already have a plan for the act itself.

But however you choose to kick things off, foreplay is almost always a good idea. “It's like warming up before a workout,” Graveris says, “it gets everything primed and ready for action. So, take your time with kissing, caressing and exploring each other's bodies.”

Here are a few ideas for blowjob foreplay. Feel free to use them as-written or give them your own twist!

  • Lay your partner down on the bed, slowly strip off their clothes, caress their body and slowly and tease them until you’re ready to take their penis in your mouth.
  • Use a vibrator against their perineum to add to sensation.
  • Try an air pulse vibrator along the frenulum on a low setting. (Remember: the frenulum is one of the most sensitive parts of the penis; this can be a very intense sensation for some partners!)
  • Back your partner against a wall, sink to your knees, pull their cock out and stuff it into your face.

READ: How to Worship a Cock

Step 4: Best Blowjob Sex Positions

Here’s the thing that's frequently forgotten about giving head: It can be strenuous! So, the best blowjob sex positions are those where both partners are comfortable.

Even if you’re incredibly turned on by providing oral pleasure to your partner, you’re less likely to enjoy (and potentially repeat) the experience if you’re uncomfortable. So, when you’re deciding which position to try, think about the parts of your body you’ll be using: at minimum, your jaw, neck, shoulders and arms. Your knees and back may also come into play. From there, select a sex position (or several!) that you can maintain for longer than a few minutes and that will allow you access to your partner’s parts.

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Here are some blowjob sex positions Kinkly readers recommend:

Flag Stick Oral Sex Position

Flag Stick Oral Sex Position

The Flag Stick Oral Sex Position allows the blowjob giver to be in complete control of the sensations and allows the receiver to totally sink into their pleasure.

“It is comfy and I can relax [in this position],” one reader commented. “Plus, usually, the oral giver has the most comfortable control.”

The Flag Stick Oral Sex Position is also super versatile. You might try propping either partner up with pillows to create more convenient angles or incorporating a piece of sex furniture to better align your parts.

Sofa Oral Position

Sofa Oral Sex Position

Several readers who offered their opinions for this piece also highlighted the Sofa Oral Position as a favorite.

One reader underscored how sitting down while receiving a blowjob helps them maintain their ideal posture: “Posture is important and when you're standing you tend to slouch a lot.” Another reader said this position “...gives a subtle role of dom and sub for sure.”

Other major benefits of this position include how it reduces neck strain for the giver and that it can be more accessible for receiving partners who use a wheelchair or who can't stand for long periods.

These are just some jumping-off points, though. If these positions aren’t doing it for you, discover dozens more in our Sex Positions playlist!

READ: 6 Super Fun (and Super Easy!) Oral Sex Positions

Step 5: How to Use Your Tongue for a Blowjob

A vagina is warm and wet; and an anus is warm and has a tight ring, much like lips. But neither of these are as versatile and creative as your tongue, which is what sets oral sex apart from other penetrative sex acts! Getting this organ involved can take your blowjob to new heights.

Here are some suggestions from Graveris for incorporating your tongue into a blowjob:

  • Lick the shaft up and down, paying attention to the most sensitive areas.
  • Gently flick your tongue along the frenulum. Use a light touch, however, as this area can be incredibly sensitive.
  • Lick and kiss the testicles. This can be a highly pleasurable zone for many individuals!

“Don’t forget to check-in with your partner to understand their preferences and desires, as everyone's pleasure zones are unique,” Graveris said.

Step 6: How to Use Your Hands During a Blowjob

Another phallus fallacy is that blowjobs are all about the mouth. Sure, they can be, but there’s nothing wrong with getting your hands involved in the mix!

Think about it: Your hands and arms are used to perform labor pretty much everyday, for extended periods of time. Thus, combining hand and mouth action can help make blowjobs last longer and feel more comfortable for all involved.

Doolittle recommends holding a partner’s testicles in your hand and pushing them gently up into the body.

“What’s happening there is you’re using the testicles to put pressure on erectile tissue that’s on the other side of them,” she says. “That’s much more sensitive because it just doesn’t get the same play that the rest of the shaft gets.”

Other ways to incorporate your hands into a blowjob include:

  • Adding extra pressure on the shaft if your jaws tire from sucking.
  • Placing your thumb on the frenulum while you lick the glans - or vice versa.
  • Reaching up to play with your partner’s nipples, or reaching around to stimulate their anus.

Step 7: How to Deep Throat

Another note about mythology surrounding blowjobs: Yes, deepthroating is a thing; but, no, it’s not always possible or desired.

Deepthroating is the act of opening your throat wider to take a penis deeper into your mouth. Some people can do this with remarkable ease; others cannot do it at all. That’s because everyone has a gag reflex, which protects us from choking by preventing objects from entering our throats and causing harm.

If you are interested in trying deepthroating, the Deepthroat Position can make it easier. This oral sex position facilitates deepthroating because it aligns the receiving partner’s mouth and throat. The average penis is between five to six inches in length and the average mouth is between two to three inches deep. Thus, by aligning the mouth and throat, you increase the amount of space you have for a penis to fit into.

To assume this position, the giving partner should lie face-up on a flat surface with their head hanging slightly off the edge. Then, the receiving partner walks to the end of the surface and slides their penis into their partner’s mouth and down their throat.

However, be sure to negotiate a non-verbal way for the giving partner to communicate their need for a break in this position. With the penis so deep in the giving partner’s mouth, asphyxiation can occur if the nose or nasal passages are blocked and the penis blocks the esophagus.

The Deepthroat Position

Let me reiterate: Deepthroating isn’t always possible or desired. Plus, the penis’ most sensitive nerve endings are located in and around the head (e.g., the glans and frenulum). So, if deepthroating isn’t possible for you, or if you just don’t like doing it, don’t worry! Concentrate your blowjob on the most sensitive areas of the penis to provide the best sensations. If your partner tries to push deeper or move your head down further than you’re comfortable with, stop and revisit Step One with them.

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Read: How to Deep Throat

Step 9: From “Good” to “Unforgettable”

Much like a nice restaurant or a fresh outfit, it’s often the ambiance and accessories that brings oral sex to the next level.

Here’s what Kinkly readers say take a blowjob from “good” to “unforgettable”:

  • “Hearing the person giving me head moan is a massive turn-on for me. It’s unforgettable to know that they’re enjoying themselves as much as you are.”
  • “Tongue movement, eye contact, lots of saliva, confidence, enthusiasm. It’s more fun if they’re having fun.”
  • “Owning it. Being comfortable - not only in your skin, but also your skill and expectations and taking the other on a ride.”
  • “Eye contact and dirty talk for sure (e.g., “It’s so big”; “I love the way it feels in my mouth”).
  • “Don’t just try to go for an ASAP orgasm unless you’re playfully taking it as a challenge and communicating that.”

You know what I’m about to say: These are examples of what gets some people going during a blowjob. The best way to find out what gets your partner going? Step One, baby!

Step 10: Blowjob Sex Toys

Sex toys for penises have come a long way in the last few years. Graveris says “experimentation and creativity” are the keys to incorporating sex tech into your blowjob. Here are his suggestions for incorporating pleasure products into fellatio:

“One popular choice is using a vibrating cock ring,” Graveris says. “Simply slip it onto the base of the penis before going down, and let the vibrations add an extra layer of pleasure for both partners.”

Graveris continued, “When it comes to incorporating flavored lubricants or stimulating gels into fellatio, the possibilities are deliciously enticing. Start by discussing preferences and flavors with your partner to ensure you choose something that excites both of you.”

How do you make the most of that sweet slickness? Graveris broke it down simply:

“During the act, apply a small amount of the flavored lubricant or stimulating gel to your hands or directly onto your partner's penis. Then, use your hands, lips, or tongue to spread and massage the product, creating a pleasurable sensation. Experiment with different techniques, such as gentle licking or sucking, to maximize the experience.”

Deciding which lube should be your go-to is up to you, but when it comes to flavored varieties, I’m a fan of the Sliquid line.

On top of cock rings and flavored lubes, I have some ideas of my own on the topic of blowjob sex toys. Here are my picks for toys that can simulate, or add to, the feeling of mouth-on-penis:

KIIROO KEON

KIIROO KEON

The KIIROO KEON is a masturbation sleeve that doubles as a portable sex machine. Cool, right?

This toy is especially handy for blowjobs because it can literally do all the stroking for you. All you have to do is hold it in place and it’ll lift and lower itself onto the shaft on its own.

If your blowjob turns into a marathon session, the KEON can give your hands and mouth a break by taking total control.

Check out Kinkly's review of the KIIROO KEON.

Arcwave Ion

Arcwave Ion

Air suction plus stroking: Name a more iconic duo. I’ll wait.

The Arcwave Ion combines the air pulse technology pioneered by Womanizer with everything you love about masturbation sleeves.

This allows you to target the Pacinian pleasure receptors in the frenulum more vigorously than your mouth may be able to—which is great for when the person receiving a blowjob likes very intense, prolonged frenulum stimulation.

Read Kinkly's review of the Arcwave Ion.

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Cobra Libre 2

Fun Factory Cobra Libre 2

While the other two toys I mentioned are great for when you need to tap out of giving head but want to keep the sensations going, the Fun Factory Cobra Libre 2 is your partner in action. In other words, you can use it while providing oral stimulation to up the blowjob ante.

Effectively, the Cobra Libre is a penis vibrator that sits on the head of an erect penis to provide sensations—so your mouth is free to go to town on the base of the shaft, the testicles and the perineum.

Check out other similar products and get tips on how to choose one in 7 Tips for Choosing a Penis Vibrator.

Step 11: Spit or Swallow?

Ah, the age-old question.

Whether you do or do not want your partner’s ejaculation to occur in your mouth is entirely up to you. You may love it and want to do it over and over. You may hate it and may want to never do it again. You might be entirely indifferent. However, how you feel about having a mouth full of semen is the paramount consideration - so be sure to honor your own needs and include this question in your Step One negotiation.

If you want to receive your partner’s semen in your mouth, here are some things to keep in mind:

  • Precum and cum are different. Precum is the clear fluid released out of the penis prior to ejaculation; and cum is ejaculate. Anecdotal evidence suggests precum tends to taste sweeter and have an oilier texture, while cum’s taste is more influenced by a person’s diet and can range in texture from runny and slick to lumpy and sticky.
  • Ejaculation can be of varying forces. Some people “shoot” cum from their penis and can send it a good distance. Others have just a dribble out of their cock. Be prepared for either.
  • The amount of ejaculate will vary. The average amount of ejaculate excreted is between a quarter teaspoon to one teaspoon, according to the International Society for Sexual Medicine. However, as with everything else, this can vary.
  • Just because you take your partner’s ejaculation in your mouth doesn’t mean you have to swallow it. Spit it out if you want!

If you’d rather not have your partner finish in your mouth, here are some alternatives for when your partner nears ejaculation:

  • Move your mouth away from the meatus. Your mouth can still be on their penis - e.g., on the other side of the head, the shaft or the scrotum - but the cum won’t go into your mouth.
  • Close your lips but keep them in contact with the meatus. The ejaculate will coat just the outside of your mouth.
  • Lick the frenulum. In this instance, you might still end up with some cum in your mouth or on your lips, but it won’t be like taking the whole shot at once.
  • Aim somewhere else entirely. For some folks, the moment of ejaculation can be a great visual. If you’re comfortable with your partner cumming on your face, chest, torso or anywhere else, use your hand to stroke and aim that load to a different destination.

Step 12: Blowjob Aftercare

Aftercare is, essentially, taking steps to make sure all parties involved in a sexual experience feel safe and cared for post-play. And it’s essential no matter the sex act!

Here are some ideas for pampering your partner post-BJ, courtesy of Kinkly readers:

  • “I’m a big cuddler and, depending on the conclusion, maybe a wet towel is nice.”
  • “Cuddles, wet wipes maybe, and possibly mouthwash too.”
  • “Snacks are great.”
  • “Cuddles, caressing and a nap.”
  • “Water and cuddles are always nice unless it's clearly the beginning of something more.”

On top of caring for your partner, make sure to tend to your own needs after giving a blowjob. Grab some water, a snack, a towel, ask your partner if they would still love you if you turned into a worm - anything you need to feel affirmed.

READ: The Importance of Aftercare.

Don't Leave Without Learning This:

If you take only two things from this piece, make them these:

  1. What constitutes a “great blowjob” is relative. While certain sensations tend to feel great on most penises, everyone’s body is different! Communicate before, during and after giving a blowjob to make the experience as fulfilling as possible for everyone involved.
  2. Blowjobs aren’t required for great sex. And you aren’t broken if you don’t like giving or getting them! Sex is about pleasure; if what you’re doing doesn’t feel good (physically or mentally), keep experimenting until you find something that does.

So, are you feeling ready to put your mouth where the money is?

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Photo for Gabby Dumonceaux
Gabby Dumonceaux

Gabby Dumonceaux is a writer and editor with bylines in Kinkly, IGNITE and Techopedia and is passionate about taking the taboo out of talking about sex.

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