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Do men have control over when they orgasm and ejaculate?

Ducky Doolittle
Profile Picture of Ducky Doolittle Ducky DooLittle is a sex educator from NYC. She is also the author of "Sex with the Lights On: 200 Illuminating Sex Questions Answered". Ducky has appeared in the New York Times, HBO's "Real Sex", "The Morning Show", MTV, NPR, "The Howard Stern Show" and Playboy TV, to name a few.  Full Bio
Q:I've heard that some men can control when they orgasm and ejaculate. So I'm wondering, how much control do guys really have over this?
A: This depends on the guy. Some men have a lot of control. Other guys have to spend time and energy to gain control over this natural response. Still others have little control at all for a number of reasons. However, most men, if they put the time and energy into their sexual experiences, can learn to have more control than they have right now.

If you are partnered with someone who you feel needs some development in this area, I am sorry to report that only the person who lives in that body can do the real work of developing orgasmic control. If he is not willing to jump in and explore, then there is little you can do for him.

Let me start by saying there is a difference between a male orgasm and male ejaculation. An orgasm is a series of involuntary muscular contractions. This can happen with or without ejaculation.

If a man is looking to learn how to have more control, I recommend defining a goal. It might be to last longer, get to orgasm faster, maintain an erection for a longer period of time, build stronger pelvic muscles, learn to orgasm without ejaculating or learn how to have multiple orgasms. All of these goals may be possible for you.

You need to take the time to explore, to learn the subtle signals of your body and to assess other elements that may affect your sexual response. Some of the things that have an impact on a guy’s sexual response might include fatigue, stress, anxiety, using condoms, not using condoms, medications, drugs, alcohol, or diseases, like diabetes and heart disease.

The very best book on the subject of male sexual response is "The Multi-Orgasmic Man" by authors Mantak Chia and Douglas Abrams. It’s full of step-by-step exercises a guy can do to explore his sexual response and develop more control of his orgasmic experience.

Quality cock rings and prostate toys are also great tools for exploring the male body and developing a better understanding of its response.

Have a question? Ask Ducky here.

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