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How can I orgasm from penetration alone?

Ducky Doolittle
Profile Picture of Ducky Doolittle Ducky DooLittle is a sex educator from NYC. She is also the author of "Sex with the Lights On: 200 Illuminating Sex Questions Answered". Ducky has appeared in the New York Times, HBO's "Real Sex", "The Morning Show", MTV, NPR, "The Howard Stern Show" and Playboy TV, to name a few.  Full Bio
Q:I'd really like to orgasm with my partner, but I can only come when he gives me oral sex or uses his hands. Is there any way to orgasm during sex?
A: Most women don’t orgasm from penetration alone. You may be able to learn to orgasm purely from penetration. If not, you will at the very least learn how to have bigger orgasms in general. But let me be very clear about this: Your body is perfect. There is no wrong way to orgasm. The way you orgasm right now is awesome. Just because you don’t orgasm from penetration does not mean penetration does not feel good. It is physical, bonding, playful and hopefully makes you breathe heavy and gets your heart pumping. So it doesn't take you over the edge. It’s OK to let your lover know this.

And now I’ll give you some very solid advice on how to achieve bigger, more badass orgasms, with or without penetration.

Work Your Pelvic Floor Muscles
Sometimes they are called the Kegel muscles, the pelvic muscles, the PC muscles or the pubococcygeus muscles, but they all mean the same thing. Every orgasm you ever have, whether it's triggered by touching your clit, penetration, nipple play, G spotting or whatever, is a series of muscular contractions. So, the bigger and stronger your pelvic muscles, the bigger and stronger your orgasms will be.

Pump your muscles during sex play, be it alone, with a toy or with a partner. This will bring pressure into your pelvis with the added benefit of strengthening your muscles. There are other pelvic muscle exercises you can learn, but I think building strength through sex play is the most fun!

When you first start engaging your pelvic muscles during sex play, it can be a bit mechanical or even annoying. Don’t give up. As you gain strength it gets easier and soon your body will start doing it without any conscious effort.

Learn to Breathe
I also want you to breathe. Breathe heavy. Take in as much oxygen as you comfortably can. When you are trying to get the optimal use of your muscles, you breathe. When you lift weights, you breathe with each rep. When you do yoga, you breathe rhythmically with the flow of the movements. When you have sex, breathe deep. You’ll pack your bloodstream with more oxygen and literally have a bigger orgasm tonight. It sounds so simple but it’s true.

If you are a person who holds your breath and tenses up your muscles in an effort to push your orgasm, I want you to try to breathe through it and release your muscles. It may take longer to orgasm but when you do, it will be more intense.

Touch Yourself
Finally, touch your clit. Touch it when you are alone. Touch it with your partner. Teach your partner how to touch it. It is designed for pleasure so just touch it. And please remember penetration is not the definition of sex. Penetration is merely one sex act of many. If you don’t orgasm from it, you are actually very normal.

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