How can I have Skype sex if I'm too embarrassed to talk dirty?

Jessi Fischer
Profile Picture of Jessi Fischer Jessi Fischer is a writer, academic dilettante, public speaker and sex educator for universities, high schools and outreach organizations.   Full Bio
Q:

I want to have Skype sex when my partner's out of town, but I get so embarrassed when I try to talk dirty. How can I get over this?

A: First, find a Tardis. Perhaps a Delorean. If those two fail, get to work on building your own time machine so you can somehow go back and systematically disrupt and wholly divert our cultural inheritance of tightly regulated sexual shame. I’ll come with you and help direct the time/space coordinates ... but it might take awhile so we should probably pack some sandwiches.

Just kidding, there’s an easier way to deal with this.

You know how when you say a word over and over and over again it becomes almost meaningless? (Jacuzzi. Jacuzzi. Jacuzzi. Jacuzzi. Already forgetting what that’s supposed to be.) Try doing that with a list of sexual vocabulary, both traditional and slang. You could even sit down with a friend and come up with a long list of sexual words and say them to each other until they stop having any kind of effect on you. Because at some point you’ll realize they don’t have all that much power; they just describe things we grew up being taught to fear.

Now, armed with your newfound imperviousness to dirty words, try stringing them together when your partner is physically there. Little things like, "I want you to ______" or "When we _____ it makes me feel sooooo _____." If talking aloud is too much and you’re more of a wordsmith, try writing out little notes clearly stating your desires. Escalate this to a level of naughtiness that you find comfortable.

If and when you find that you enjoy this, make another step toward technology assisted sexytimes with phone calls, texts or even the previously jittery experience of Skype. You may find that you now like this. You may find that you don’t. Either way, if you’ve tried and tried and tried and still aren’t enjoying the experience draw a line in the sand. Set your boundaries with whatever feels best for you and also works for your partner. Everyone wins!

(One caveat about any electronic communications: The Internet never forgets. Ever. Texts can be forwarded, pictures can be posted and online video chats can be recorded and replayed. So unless you have bedrock trust in your partner or are not really bothered by the thought of a given photo/video being seen by strangers, this may not be a lake in which you want to swim.)

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