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My wife has never had an orgasm from sex. What can I do to make that happen?

Q:I have been married for several years. My wife tells me that she has never climaxed from penetration alone. I know she has had an orgasm during oral sex, but I’d really like to get her off while we are in the middle of it. What can I do?
A: For eternity men have quested for the holy grail of the internal G-spot. I encourage you to join the ranks. There are a multitude of positions to try, during sex, that might get your wife going. You may want to have a conversation with her, prior to having sex, and ask if she will let you know whether you succeed in contacting that hidden spot that will drive her wild. If you’d like to be craftier about the whole thing, pay attention to the sounds she makes while you’re inside of her. Those sounds will change and her response will become more intense once you find her G-spot.

In the meantime, have you considered playing with your wife's clit manually while the two of you are having sex? Most sex positions allow for you to reach her clit with your hand while you're going at it. Alternately, if you find manual stimulation and penetration to be too much to manage at once, there are several toys on the market that will stimulate her clit during sex and increase her pleasure (hopefully causing her to climax). One option is a small, clitoral vibrator that can be secured in position, which allows you to utilize your hands elsewhere. I have seen a butterfly shaped vibrator in a Pure Pleasures catalogue that comes with elastic bands. The bands wrap around her legs to secure the butterfly in place, over her clitoris. The vibrator has a handheld remote that adjusts its speed/intensity. Keep the remote in your hands to control your spouse’s orgasm. You can tease her until you’re also ready to come, or just let her have it. She can also take charge of the speed/intensity according to her preferences, allowing you to focus on the rest of the activities at hand. The butterfly is just one of several clitoral vibrators.

You could also ask your wife to manually stimulate herself during sex. It’s kind of like watching your wife masturbate while you are inside of her. This way, she becomes a more active participant, and you get the pleasure of watching.

It's important that the two of you experiment and find what works best for you. Both you and your wife need to be on the same page to find mutual enjoyment and sexual satisfaction. I commend you for wanting to ensure that she is experiencing just as much pleasure as you.

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Written by Karen Washington
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Karen Washington is a graduate of the Adler School of Professional Psychology and is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She specializes in sex therapy, with a foundation in communication and self esteem. Karen works with couples and individuals through discrepancy, dysfunction and disorder to achieve their desired sex life. She firmly believes in presenting education and information through the lens of humor, especially when it comes to sex. Full Bio

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