7 Truths That Will Change the Way You See Sex During Menopause

If you’re over 40, menopause is probably on your mind. But when it comes to its impact on your sex life, there’s a lot more to navigating menopause than just whipping out the lube bottle and hoping for the best (really!) So, let's take a look at the impact menopause can have on our sex lives, and unlearn some the myths that may be impacting your sex life as you age.

Menopause 101

To be real, if you aren't facing menopause yet, this change could be closer than you think. Perimenopause is a change that can begin naturally as early as 30 – and even earlier for those who undergo hysterectomy or cancer treatment. Whenever it strikes, at some point, ovarian production of estrogen and progesterone become erratic and fluctuate and then decline permanently, leading to the end of menstruation. In terms of the experience of perimenopause and menopause, it can result in a number of symptoms which relate to our sex lives. But first, let's take a look at this stage of life and how it affects the body.

Everything leading up to menopause is called perimenopause. Menopause refers to the point at which menstrual periods have ceased for 12 consecutive months. The average age for menopause in the United States is 51, but premenopausal symptoms can begin much earlier – or later. Everyone is different.

If you’ve ever experience PMS or post-partum depression, you probably already understand the power hormones have over our bodies and moods. During perimenopause, the symptoms produced by hormone fluctuations can vary greatly between people and can also shift a lot over time for one person, including hot flashes, mood swings, headaches and weight gain.

Of course, many of the major changes that occur during these life changes impact our sex lives. Reduced levels of estrogen and testosterone can mean less blood flow to the genitals, decreased genital lubrication and thinning of vaginal tissues. In fact, vaginal tissue may actually become less elastic and able to expand, which can contribute to pain pain during sex. Couple this with other symptoms like decreased sexual desire, decreased clitoral sensitivity, slower arousal and a longer arousal time required to orgasm and it’s no wonder that up to half of women report sexual problems leading up to and after menopause.

Oh, and then there’s the societal messages we tend to get all the time. You know, the ones about how older people don’t (or can’t or shouldn’t) have sex or enjoy it.

The truth is that while menopause definitely has an impact on our sex lives, it isn’t a death knell for good sex (or great orgasms!). Here are a few key truths that may go against what you've been told about sex, sexuality and aging.

Truth: A Hard Penis or a Wet Vagina Do Not Define Excitement & Performance

There's often a lot of ego tied into our body image and the way our bodies function and respond to sexual touch. But the truth is that the changes our bodies undergo throughout our lives aren't a sign that they're becoming less sexual, despite what popular culture may tell us. There's much more to sex than penetration and our pleasure zones extend far beyond our genitals. So, just because your and your partner's bodies don't react and respond in the same ways they used to doesn't mean you aren't still sexual or capable or sexual pleasure. It may just mean that the way you give, receive and enjoy the pleasure will be different.

Truth: Urinary Incompetence Doesn't Mean Genital Incompetence

One symptom of menopause may be urinary incontinence. Reduced levels of estrogen can cause thinning of the lining of the urethra, while the surrounding pelvic muscles may weaken with age. Incontinence can make people feel helpless and out of control of their bodies but it is important not to equate incontinence with sexual function. In fact, orgasm can actually help strengthen the Kegels, the muscles that help prevent and reduce issues with incontinence. Incontinence is no fun, but it doesn't mean you're broken and it doesn't have to impact your sex life. Your body is aging, but it is still capable and deserving of pleasure.