BDSM
7 Kinky Sex Acts You Might Be Into (+ Expert Tips on How to Try Them)
Published: MARCH 5, 2018
| Updated: OCTOBER 21, 2021 09:37:36
At least half of people are into kink, even if they've never tried it. How about you?
Most people can wrap their brain around vanilla sex - you know, sweet, happy, no big surprises sex. The truth is that at least some of your friends have probably tried something a bit more risqué. A recent survey in the Journal of Sex Research found that nearly half of the 1,040 people surveyed were interested in kink, even if they hadn’t explored it.
To be clear: a “kink” is any unconventional sexual desire, concept, fantasy, or practice that bends away from leanings that are generally considered "straight," or what would seem typically arousing to others.
It’s not just the myths and misconceptions that make people scratch their heads when you move from missionary position to ménage à trois. There’s a lot of stigma surrounding kinks. After all, what gets one person hot and bothered may be straight-up terrifying to another. And that’s totally OK - sexual tendencies aren’t one-size-fits-all.
Here’s how to explore seven popular so-called taboos in a safe, consensual way.
*Heads up: Some of the descriptions may be disturbing to some. Before you try any of these kinks, educate yourself to ensure best-case scenario safety.
Blood Play
What is blood play?
Blood play is an erotic or sexual activity involving blood that often goes hand in hand with a blood fetish, or hematolagnia, and other edgeplay. Individuals who participate in blood play often find the sight or taste of blood erotic and sensual, and some may even find the pain of extracting blood sexually stimulating.
Read: Blood Sex - and Why We're so Fascinated (or Repelled) by Blood
How to Explore Blood Play
“Blood play requires proper training and extensive practice. Full stop, end of story,” says Minx of Washington. D.C. It is not a "beginner" activity. “Even if you're in the medical profession, the techniques used for pleasure can be very different – blood play is about sensation, connection and enjoyment, not medical purpose,” she says.
If a partner wants to try blood play - and you want to explore this avenue a bit more before taking formal classes (yes, these exist!) - Minx highly recommends the most hallowed of kink traditions: the fakeout.
After making a big show of setting out scalpels and sterile skin wipes and whatever other tools your partner has been fantasizing about, Minx says a blindfold becomes your very best friend. “Now that they're blindfolded, you can ‘sterilize’ their skin with gauze dipped in a little ice water (alcohol wipes are going to taste awful for what's coming next). If you've got them all hot and bothered by telling them how turned on you are and how much you want this, they'll never even notice the lack of alcohol smell. Now, press the back edge (please, not the serrated edge!!) of a butter knife into their skin and pretend you're making the cut they've wanted so badly. With a small pull of the butter knife and some acting ability on your part, they will be certain you've cut them, especially after you put a drop of lube on the blade of the knife and let it drip down onto their skin. Lick the drop of lube off their skin with relish, perhaps while doing a bit of genital massage, pop on a bandage for extra theatrical flair, and you should have a much better sense of whether this particular fantasy should become reality.”
“The act of opening someone's skin can have lifelong consequences, despite everyone's best intentions. Hepatitis C is no joke,” Minx says. “A cut can permanently scar, it can get infected, healing may be complicated by a pre-existing medical condition or medication. Know the risks, do what you can to mitigate them, and ensure informed consent from all parties at every step of your journey.”
Blood Play Resources
Reputable BDSM groups can usually direct you to local blood play experts and give you information on related upcoming classes and events. Education on blood play is generally a bit rarer than classes on basic flogging techniques, so you may have to look a bit harder and be a bit more patient. Ideally, you want to find a workshop in which you can practice your skills under supervision instead of just listening to a lecture. Instructors for medical play classes may also be able to point you in the right direction for blood play training, as there can be some overlap between these skill sets. Nationally-recognized blood play experts sometimes give classes at larger BDSM events and attending one of these weekend parties can be a life-changing experience. Kink-friendly vanilla medical professionals (e.g., your friend the nurse) can help with crucial information on safety and equipment, but for training on the erotic applications of sharp instruments, seek information within the kink community.
Exhibitionism/Voyeurism
What is exhibitionism and voyeurism?
Voyeurism is a sexual interest in watching activities, typically activities that are private or intimate in nature, without the knowledge or permission of the person(s) being watched. An exhibitionist is a person who experiences an extreme compulsion to expose themselves in public. This usually involves private body parts, such as the penis, vagina, buttocks and breasts.
Read: The Science of Exhibitionism
How to Explore Exhibitionism and Voyeurism
Jefe, of Brooklyn, New York, first became interested in exhibitionism and voyeurism about 15 years ago, when he discovered public parties where people had a variety of different sexual encounters.
“I suppose I'd always sort of known in the back of my mind that it would be hot or a turn on to watch others having sex, but when I actually had my first sexual interaction in front of others, it was so amazingly arousing,” he said.
He and his live-in partner go to a party about two to three times a month, where they can "play" with an audience and also watch others.
“I also engage in dialogue online, on FetLife.com, about events where this can happen,” he shares. "People who engage in this fetish enjoy knowing that they are giving pleasure to themselves, their partner, and the folks watching, or that by watching, they can contribute to the pleasure of the folks having sex."
Exhibitionism/Voyeurism Resources
Before you strip down in public, get to know your local laws. In many places, it’s illegal to be an exhibitionist and/or voyeur. That said, there are places where such activity is encouraged. Think nude beaches, sex clubs and swing clubs (the latter two are best for true voyeurism, which is watching people engage in sex). In such scenarios, it’s good etiquette to keep a mindful distance and don’t stare too intensely. In other words, don’t be a creepy stalker.
Role-Playing
What is role play?
Role play is the act of changing one's behavior, and possibly clothing, to assume the role of a different person. Role playing during sex is used to fulfill fantasies.
How to Explore Role Play
Role-playing is one of sex educator Sunny Rodgers’ favorite go-to assignments she gives her coaching clients because it allows fantasies to be encouraged, shared and discovered.
“Role-playing is healthy for relationships and can really help you bond with your partner in new and exciting ways and can really elevate your intimate playtime,” says Rodgers. “It doesn’t matter if you want to be a foreign exchange student, a dominatrix, a savvy businesswoman, a bitch, or an ingénue, role-playing allows you the opportunity to be whomever you want to be – and to explore the sexual aspects that go along with your chosen role.” Often, partners discover a deep-seated sexual desire that they didn’t even realize they had.
If you want to bring role playing into the bedroom, Rodgers suggests starting by changing your name for your role-playing session.
“Names are very personal and trading yours easily opens the door to new experiences with this simple step,” she says. “Let’s say your new role-playing name is Lola. Now, you allow Lola to be whatever type of woman you want her to be. Does Lola like dominant men, or feather boas, dirty talk, or having sex while wearing cowboy boots? Allow Lola to have at least one main trait or desire that she can bring into her sex play.”
Also, Rodgers reminds people that there’s a learning curve to role play, so it's important to be patient with your partner. “Remember that your partner doesn’t have a good grasp on your new role-playing persona and what she likes and doesn’t like. So your partner will be walking on eggshells in some aspects,” she says. “In order to make things a bit more comfortable for your partner, give them your safe word in case things are getting a bit rough or going in an uncomfortable direction for you.”
The best part? Role-playing brings a whole new conversation into your intimate relationship both in and out of the bedroom.
Read: 8 Tips to Make Role Play Sexy - Not Silly
Role Play Resources
Cuckolding
What is cuckolding?
Cuckolding is a dynamic involving a husband, a wife, and a third man. The husband is the “cuckold” (sometimes shortened to “cuck”), and he likes to watch his wife have sex with other men.
How to Explore Cuckolding
Bianca Alba, MPH sex educator and phone sex worker, receives countless calls from men who enjoy cuckolding role plays.
“As a sex educator, I believe that cuckolding can provide a structured framework for a couple to experiment with opening their relationship in a controlled fashion,” she says. Before a couple embarks on finding a "Bull" (a male third for the fantasy), Alba suggests that they spend some time negotiating physical and emotional boundaries for the scenario. Some examples of things that should be discussed ahead of experimenting with cuckolding? What type of safer sex practices will be used with the Bull? How will the Bull be selected? Which sexual acts are on the table and which are off limits? To what extent will the primary male partner be involved (just watching, performing oral sex on one or both people, and so forth?) Is there a humiliation component for the primary male or is it more about enjoying watching his female partner enjoy sex with another man (aka "hotwifing"). What difficult emotions may arise during or after the event?
“One thing that might be helpful for a couple is for them to dirty talk about their ideal cuckolding scenario as part of foreplay or sex,” says Alba. “For example, each partner could share their thoughts about what would make the scenario hot for them by saying ‘It would really turn me on, if...’ i.e., ‘It would really turn me on to watch you suck another man's cock,’ ‘It would really turn me on to hear you moan while being fucked by a Bull,’ and so forth, and so on.”