5 Ways to Spice up Your Sex Life With Yourself

Published: MARCH 23, 2020 | Updated: JULY 15, 2020
In a masturbation rut? Here are five ways you can spice up the sex you’re having with yourself!

If you’ve ever been in a long-term relationship, you know how easy it can be to get stuck in rut in your sex life. Well, the same thing happens in the lifelong sexual relationship we have with ourselves!


So often, we condition ourselves to climax from one type of self-stimulation, and we stick to it religiously. While that can certainly be a reliable way to get the job done, adding new techniques to your repertoire can take you beyond the daily grind and bring your solo sex to new heights!

Here are five ways you can spice up the sex you’re having with yourself:

1. Explore Your Body Map

Masturbation, much like partnered sex, tends to be genitally focused, but guess what? Your entire body is covered with yummy erogenous zones. Self-love time is the perfect time to explore your body’s often over-looked sensitive spots.


Get in a comfy position and let your hands (or a toy) move slowly from the top of your head down to your toes, taking note of the spots that excite you most.

Kama Sutra Chari rabbit vibrator in palm of hand

[If you need a toy for the job, check out the Kama Sutra Chari! Its vibrating and bendable rabbit ears are perfect for stimulating all different kinds of erogenous zones!]


If you aren’t sure where to start exploring, think of places where people generally get body piercings, like the ears, eyebrows, nostrils and lips. They tend to also be erogenous zones!

Some other particularly nerve-rich places on the body include the neck, nipples, navel, thighs and behind the knees. Don’t just stop at the more obvious spots! Touch places you never thought of as being sexy, such as your scalp, armpits and the skin along the spine.

When it’s time to get to your bits, spend time exploring parts that you might have accidentally ignored previously.


If you're a vulva-owner, the clitoris isn’t just the tiny external part you can see! Press up against the inner labia to stimulate the internal clitoris! Play around with the G-spot on the front-wall of the vagina, and then move slowly inward to find the anterior fornix. The perineum, or the space between the vagina and rectum, can also be an erogenous zone for many.

2. Build Your Toy Chest (or Diversify It!)

This may seem like the obvious one, but trying out a sex toy for the first time, or trying a new type of sex toy, can bring new types of sensations to your solo play. If you’re new to toys, find something that’s versatile so you can use it in multiple ways while you’re figuring out what you like.



The Kama Sutra Chari can be used for external and internal vaginal stimulation. Its ears are also bendable allowing you to stimulate both the clitoris and the vagina at the same time! It's compact and fully waterproof design means you can take this powerful, little toy on all kinds of fun adventures!

Pro Tips: Think outside the box and use the toy in ways that it hasn’t been marketed for. A vibrator will often be marketed as a clitoral vibe or a G-spot vibe, but try using it all over your body. Don’t forget the lube! It’s generally a good idea to have some water-based lube that can be used with all types of toys (and without them).

3. Make It Into a Full Body, Sensual Experience

Masturbation doesn’t have to only be about touch. Tantalize all of your senses to smell, taste, see, and hear your way to ecstatic pleasure.


Set a long playlist of music to set the mood you desire. Use candles, flowers, or fragrance sticks to set the mood with a pleasant scent. Bring some of your favorite treats to bed with you.

We recommend chocolate, strawberries, your favorite cheese, champagne, or wine. Some of these are considered aphrodisiacs and others are known to increase dopamine levels in your brain, which leads to increased desire and arousal.

Make your play visually appealing. Use a scarf over your lamp for a seductive touch of color. Wear something that makes you feel sexy. Keep it on or become a voyeur, watching yourself as you slowly take it off.

Read: What is Erotic Self-Focus?

4. Kink It up a Notch

BDSM and kink play doesn’t always need to be a partnered activity! The truth is, with a little creativity and some planning, you can set up a really hot scene for yourself! While certain types of play are safer with a buddy, many of the toys and implements people use in partnered scenes can safely be used on yourself while you’re alone.

Feathers and ticklers, a wartenberg pinwheel, vampire gloves, and bunny floggers can be drawn along the skin for a variety of sensations. You can use a blindfold to intensify those feelings.

Choose random household items like spatulas, hair brushes, and ice cubes for DIY toys that feel like nothing on the BDSM gear market. Shorter crops and paddles are easier to control and aim properly at yourself.

You can also try some arousal enhancers, like Kama Sutra's Arouse Intensifying Gel, which provides a warming sensation to any part of the body it's applied to!

Read: Got a Penis? Have You Tried These Masturbation Techniques?

5. Bring In Back-up

While masturbation is usually thought of as sex for one, it can be even more exciting to masturbate with your partner! Mutual masturbation can be extremely hot, but it’s also a great non-verbal communication tool. T

elling your partner what you enjoy sexually is both helpful for your partner to hear and an important part of getting your needs met. Having them actually see you do the things that feel best will help them to steal your moves and blow your mind the next time you have sex.

This is also an opportunity to physically guide your partner’s hands, so they can feel the way you touch yourself when you masturbate. Switch it up and learn what your partner enjoys. Stay present and focus on how their breathing changes, the sounds they make, and the way their body reacts to different types of touch.

Read: Double the Fun! 5 Hot Tips on Self Touch for Two

Now that you have a starting point, take some time to explore what works best for you! Remember, masturbation, like any type of sex, is more enjoyable when you lose the goal of orgasm and focus on creating a pleasurable experience from start to finish.

Go in without expectations and stay present with your body, focus on how it reacts to various types of stimuli, and what feels good.

Kinkly Staff

Sex is a bit like a secret society; everyone's doing it, it's just that no one talks about it. Kinkly's mission is to start that conversation, answer your questions and help you discover new and exciting things about sex, love and your body. We guarantee it'll be illuminating, enlightening, fun ... and a little kinky. And that's OK with us.No innuendos, no judgments and no apologies, just fearless, straight-up talk about sex.

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