8 Tips for Sexy - Not Silly - Role Play

Picture this: You put on the final piece of your costume: a fluffy, plumed hat designed to match the rest of the made-for-Halloween outfit you purchased on clearance last month. You already feel ridiculous, and teetering on the bedroom carpet in your sky-high heels is absolutely not helping. You have zero idea what your partner looks like in the room next to you, and you're pretty sure they're going to burst out laughing when they see you. You don't feel sexy; you feel ridiculous.

That's the problem, isn't it? Role play sounds hot as hell in our heads, within our flirty text messages and in our theoretical conversations -- but when it comes to putting on the costume and pretending we're a completely different person in a completely different situation, it can feel downright ridiculous.

That's a shame, too! A lot of us have ultra-hot role plays we want to act out. Almost everyone has that secret scenario that sounds like the perfect catalyst for next-level orgasms -- but it's inappropriate to do those things to your actual waitress. Role playing gives us a safe way to act out some of our hottest fantasies in a safe, sex-filled environment.

READ: Healing from Purity Culture.

But what if I told you role play doesn't have to be silly? OK, well, what if I told you it doesn't have to be silly all the time? While you're probably going to burst into a fit of giggles sometimes (I'm giving you fair warning!), there are some strategies that can help you approach your next erotic role play with your serious hat on -- and avoid some of the awkward moments.

Here are eight of them:

1. Discuss the Role Play Ahead of Time

There are so, so, so many different ways a role play scenario can play out. Just think about the simple "sheriff rescues cowgirl" scenario. Was she struggling and needed the help, or is he about to get an earful from a headstrong cowgirl who is tired of men assuming she needs them to save her? Is a bondage kit involved? Is there an evil villain that orchestrated the whole thing, or did the cowgirl fall victim to a rattlesnake and need lots of intimate pampering and care?

Silver Fringe Sexy Cowgirl Costume. Available at Spencer's.

Ultimate Bondage Kit. Available at Spencer's.
Before you jump into your role play, have a discussion about the role play. What turns you on about it? You might find one of you is turned off by a specific aspect of it but is really into a different aspect.

Think of your discussion like an "outline" for your role play that helps you both have a good idea of where you're going to ensure you both get there together. If one of you loves the idea of being at the mercy of a sheriff's secret caregiving side, but the other wanted to explore inescapable bondage, your role play is going to start feeling awkward as the two of you try to disagree while in character.

Instead, have a general game plan for your sexy role play so you both know that you're sharing the same storyline.

2. Practice "Yes, And..."

As adults, unless you're an actor or in theater, we don't really do much playing pretend. Most of us left that alone once we got dragged into out adult lives' day-to-day requirements.

And if you don't have much experience playing pretend, it's no wonder it feels silly and awkward when you try to do it for sex! It's not your fault; it's just not something you do on a daily basis!

So, as a fun couple's activity, take a page from improvisational comedy and play the "Yes, and..." game. Let your imaginations run wild as you act out an imaginary scenario. The only rule is that each person has to accept what the other person threw out there -- and then build on it.

This can be something you easily throw into everyday life, too. Let's say you're both relaxed and you can't find the remote. What else could happen? Yes, the remote is missing, and there are tiny (pretend) footprints leading to that (pretend) crack in the floorboards. Yes! There are tiny footprints, and I think I've been hearing skittering in the walls at night. There are no wrong answers!

Practicing playfulness in your everyday life can help -- not hurt -- your ability to make your role play scenes as erotic as possible.

3. Dress the Part

It's going to be hard to pretend you're a nurse taking care of a homebound patient if you're still wearing your workout gear from your afternoon run.

Dressing the part offers two-fold benefits:

1. It helps your partner see you as your role.
2. It helps you feel like you're in your role!

A simple change of clothes can make a drastic difference, but if you have the time and energy to do your make-up or change your shoes, that can add even more realism.

Don't forget to pick up any related accessories, too. Your caretaking nurse, for example, might have a mischievous red paddle they use to keep their bratty patient in line when they aren't staying bed-bound as required. Or maybe this is a medicinal paddle -- and a spanking a day is exactly what the doctor prescribed!

Naughty Nurse Garter Slip Set. Available at Spencer's.

Red Mischief Heart Paddle. Available at Spencer's.

4. Spend the Day Apart

It's hard to see your partner as a new person if you've been talking about your childcare plans for the last two hours before diving into a role play. No wonder you're having problems!

Instead, if your schedule and budget allows, try to spend the day apart. If you're going for full immersion, don't even text one another. While workdays can make this easy to accomplish for half the day, you can spend the second half of your day in a hotel room or getting ready at an understanding friend's house. (I know quite a few of my friends would go "Hell yeah!" for an evening of dressing up in a fun costume!)

By spending the day apart to go through your role transformation, you and your partner can see each other in a new, surprising light when you're back together again. Having a full day to cleanse your brain of your "normal" relationship partner can be surprisingly helpful, too!

READ: Avoid the Dreaded Dead Bedroom! 6 Habits You Can Start Now.

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