First, I'd like to congratulate the gay couples in Alabama that were actually able to get married on February 9, 2015, and weren't denied a marriage license. Not long ago, I was editing an article and it dawned on me just how wild sex laws have gone. I am a very sex-positive person. No, that doesn't make me a sex fiend. It just makes me someone who thinks that there's nothing wrong with sex between two consenting adults. What they want to do behind closed doors is definitely not my business ... and it shouldn't be the business of the government, either. (For more on the meaning on sex positivity, check out 3 Steps to Sex Positivity). For those who complain that the government has no business getting involved in certain aspects of life, the bedroom is no exception. Nothing is less sexy than getting a whiff of Eau de Big Brother. Here we'll take a look at some of the most outrageously outdated sex laws out there. Whether they're enforced (or enforceable) or not, you won't believe these laws are still on the books.

United States Sex Laws

This isn't going to be a list of the funny or weird laws that you read about in various articles. These are actual laws for which people could (and in some cases were) prosecuted in the United States (you know, Land of the Free).

  • While it is legally acceptable to marry your first cousin in New York, adultery is illegal. In 12 states, sodomy is outlawed. In some of those states, gay rights activists believe that anti-sodomy laws are used to arrest gay men
  • In the states where sodomy is illegal, sodomy is considered a crime against nature. Several states have overturned their ban since the Supreme Court ruled in Lawrence v. Texas that it is unconstitutional to make laws that prohibit sex between two consenting adults
  • In Louisiana, it is legal to have sex with a dead person (yet sodomy is a crime)
  • Oral sex is illegal in North Carolina

As you can see, sex laws can vary from state to state, much like the age of legal consent. However, if you think it's bad in America, then you certainly haven't paid attention to the news in the last 12 months. Some countries have sex laws that are much more stringent. Some of the laws will make you realize that sex laws in the United States aren't quite as outrageous as those in other places.

The U.K. Implements Vague Porn Law

If you watch porn or even if you just read the news, then you probably heard about the U.K.'s 2014 ban on specific sex acts in adult movies. In fact, you probably read an article, or 10, that appear to detail the illegal acts. Well, while the porn law is actually in effect in the U.K., it is also important to note that those articles are speculative pieces that discuss how the authors believe the law will affect certain things.

On its face, the U.K. porn law is quite vague. Then again, most laws are written to be relatively broad. The goal, at least in the United States, is to write a law that can cover a multitude of situations and then it is the job of the court to apply the law to specific situations. However, deciding what someone can and can't see in an adult movie is a little excessive. Adults who buy, rent, or view those movies know they are going to see explicit sexual situations. So, to ban the act of a woman reaching climax seems a bit over the top. Additionally, it is illegal to have sex on the back of a parked motorcycle. I'm not sure why British law makers felt the need to specify that the motorcycle is parked. Wouldn't a parked motorcycle be a safer choice than one that is whizzing down the road?

Soviet Sexuality

I know that a lot of people rely on public transportation. Subways, bus routes, cabs, and even trains serve the American people with vigor. In some areas in the U.S., it's more common to take public transportation than it is to own a vehicle. However, owning a car is necessity for the rest of us. Maybe we have inefficient public transportation. Maybe there is no public transportation.

In Russia if you identify as trans (or if the government identifies you as trans), then you're considered to be mentally ill. Oh, and they will deny you a driver's license. Yes, they will deny a driver's license based on a person's sexual identity. You can be sentenced to prison if you are gay. I'm not entirely sure what the logic is behind this decision.

Worldwide Crack Down on Sexy Time

It's not just large world powers that find fault in your personal sexy time choices. Here are some other places that you may want to avoid based upon your taste in sexual adventures.

  • If you plan to visit Dubai, keep all of your body parts (including your lips) to yourself! A public display of affection can land you in jail for more than a week
  • If you like mingling (and sleeping with) the locals, then stay away from Uruguay. Sleeping with another man's wife gives that man the right to kill you - and his adulterous wife.
  • In Sweden, you can go topless. However, you cannot take full frontal pictures in a photo booth.
  • It is illegal to be gay in 76 countries. Some of the countries where it is illegal to be gay include Nigeria, Egypt, Saudi Arabia, Gambia, Morocco, Lebanon, and Cameroon. In the 76 countries, there are almost 100 people sitting in jail waiting for trial. Some countries also punish LGBT individuals by death.
  • Then, of course, we have the countries that jail, beat, publicly punish, and even kill those who are thought to be sexually promiscuous. In some countries, rape victims are not protected by the law. They are treated as if they must have done something to deserve being raped

I wonder if we will ever see a time where governments around the world will spend more time worrying about the good of society as a whole, as opposed to worrying about the acts that happen in the privacy of someone's home. My guess is that won't happen for quite a long time. Unfortunately, many law makers think that every single private thing that happens inside of a private home will somehow affect society. They tend to forget that there are worse things in life, like child hunger, that should be addressed.