If you’ve got a pulse, you probably crave a hot sack session now and then. Hot, spicy, adventurous sex that gets your pulse racing is an important element of a great relationship. Or a great fling. Or just a little bit of fun. But there are also days when you just don’t feel like getting crazy. Days when you feel exhausted or sad, days when you’d rather curl up in a big, cozy sweater.
Why 'Comfort Sex' Rocks - and How to Have Some
Well, guess what: Not all great sex is energetic and sweaty and spirited. At the end of a long, tiring day, sometimes all you want is comfort sex. It’s the mac and cheese of sex; it isn’t new or exotic or spicy - but it makes you feel sooo good. In fact, when you skip the acrobatics and just get comfortable, you may be setting yourself up for some of the best sex of your life - without the post-sex backache. So cozy up, settle in and focus on pleasure. Here are five tips that’ll help you do just that.
Adequate foreplay is an essential component to great sex, but it’s worth putting in a little extra effort if comfort sex is what you’re after. After all, part of being comfortable involves getting physically close to your partner and enjoying each other’s company and bodies. Take your time to cover every inch of each other and revel in all that skin-on-skin contact. It’ll help you both feel more relaxed, connected and ready to go.
Sex positions like the overpass or the plow are great when you’re looking to build your sexual repertoire. And they can be fun, and exhilarating and great for your ego. But let’s be honest: Struggling to get things to ... line up ... in the most challenging sex positions is really hard work. Plus, while spicing things up has its benefits, working harder doesn’t necessarily lead to a bigger, better orgasm. If you can orgasm while balancing on your head, more power to you, but most people just aren’t built like that.
If it’s comfy sex you’re seeking, pick a position that’s familiar, that tends to work consistently for both of you, and that you can both get really comfortable in. One of the best ways to do this is to add props, such as pillows and bolsters, or, better yet, sex furniture. A simple Wedge or Ramp can turn the simplest, most comfortable sex positions into a simply amazing experience. Or go all out and invest in some really luxurious sex furniture. The more comfortable you both feel, the longer you can go at it. When you can prevent your back from aching or his arm from falling asleep, you’ll be able to focus on each other’s pleasure. That’s when beautiful things start to happen. (Check out Ducky Doolittle's review of the Liberator Flip Ramp. Guess what? She loves it!)
A couple getting comfy on the Liberator Wedge.
Talk (Dirty) to Each Other
Comfort is subjective. In other words, the only way to know if your partner is truly comfortable is to ask, make adjustments as needed, and ask again. Check in with your partner to see how they’re feeling. Whether they need an adjustment. Whether you can help them relax. Whether they could use an extra pillow. What you want is to create space for both of you to focus on each other and your pleasure. Also remember that comfort can also be psychological. It’s up to you to make sure that you feel good about what you’re doing to each other and that you avoid pushing each other’s boundaries. There’s a place for that, but not when comfort is your goal.
Relax and Enjoy
Sex is about your body - not your brain - so shut down all those thoughts about your stresses and your insecurities and focus on the physical. Take deep breaths, relax your muscles, focus on sensation - and stop worrying about orgasm. The key here is to let all the stress and pressure go. The best sex often comes to you when you stop trying so hard.
If you’re feeling tired, or it’s cold and raining outside, or you just don’t have the energy to really spice things up, consider cozying up with your partner for some comfort sex. There will always be days when you crave hot, sweaty, crazy sex. But for those other days, there’s nothing like going back to the basics and just making each other feel warm, happy and totally comfortable.
Anna Lynn is an editor and regular contributor to Kinkly.com. She started out writing about personal finance and later moved on to sex. She soon discovered that the two topics have a lot in common. The way we feel about money and sex has a lot to do with what we were brought up to believe, what society expects from us and the ways in which we unconsciously invest so much ego in how we perform (or appear to perform) when it comes to one, the other or both.