Facebook Twitter Instagram Pinterest

United We Come: Synchronizing Orgasms

Published: APRIL 11, 2013 | Updated: OCTOBER 9, 2015
Through practice and communication, a really Big O is possible.

Two heads are better than one, and so are two orgasms. There’s nothing more satisfying than both partners getting off, of course, but on those perfect moments when you can do it at the same time, well, it can really be something special.

A study in 2010 showed that couples who had simultaneous orgasms reported greater satisfaction in their relationships, sexual life and even mental health. For most couples, sharing the Big O will likely involve the woman getting a head start and the man taking it slow. It's a bit of a tricky game, but it's one that's fun to play at. Here are some tips on how to get it right more often.


For Her: Starting Early

When it comes to, well, coming, at around the same time, it's important to remember that it takes women a lot longer to get to the finish line. So, the technique that experts suggest is called the bridge technique, where a woman is brought to the very point of orgasm (without actually going over the edge), before intercourse. This way, the normal rhythm of sex can trigger climax. And, of course, it won't take long for her guy to follow suit.

Sometimes the process of moving toward orgasm begins even before physical foreplay. Women are very susceptible to arousal through imagery and mental stimulation, so building fantasy and anticipation before getting it on can be good ways to heighten desire. (Learn more tips and tricks in The No.1 Secret to the Female Orgasm.)

For Him: Slowing Down

There are several ways to delay orgasm in men (or to put a more positive spin on it, to prolong sex). One option that works well for some men is to orgasm right off the bat, then build to a second erection. It’ll take a little longer to orgasm the second time around, but this will give his partner time to catch up. Condoms can also assist in reducing sensation, helping men to last a little longer, as can special numbing creams and agents.

Finally, a simple change of pace can also do the trick, such as slowing down or taking a break. Putting a temporary hold on thrusting can also give the man an opportunity to do some things to help his partner catch up, such as performing oral sex or using a vibrator.

For Both: Find the Right Position

One particularly useful position for helping partners orgasm closer together is the coital alignment technique. In this position, rather than thrusting in and out, the man aligns his hips closer to the woman’s hips so that his groin is pressing directly against hers. From this position, the man’s pelvic bone can rock against his partner's clitoris. This is very helpful for women who need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Woman-on-top can also be a good position for the same reason; a woman can stimulate her clitoris at her own pace against her partner's pelvic bone. As an added perk, her partner gets a great view! Finally, doggy style sex can also work, especially if it includes some clitoral fun, whether manual or with a vibrator.

For Her: Know Yourself

If you're a woman, it helps to know what takes you over the edge. Masturbation can be particularly helpful for this in terms of considering what parts of your body are particularly susceptible to stimulation, as well as what fantasies and situations really get you going. Perhaps it’s your nipples that need to be touched in a certain way, or maybe you need a little good old fashioned thrusting before your clit is ready for action. Whatever it is, figure it out until you know at least a few surefire steps to get you started.

For Him: Learn Control

If you're a man, you probably know that your controls are a little easier to use. Masturbation is helpful here too, but the key isn't to learn how to get off so much as how to not get off so quickly. Get to know when you're on the edge, what takes you over and how to stay in control.

For Both: Communicate

The best way to have great sex is to communicate. If your partner doesn't know what you like, he won't be able to give it to you; if your partner doesn't know how you're feeling, she won't be able to gauge how aroused you really are. In the end, it’s all about timing. Orgasming together can be divine, but it's a bit of a magical thing, which means it probably won't happen every time you try. But through practice and communication, a really Big O is possible. Once it clicks, it clicks - and you won’t be disappointed!

Kimberly Liu
Kimberly Liu is a freshly minted college graduate trying to make something of herself in the grand city of New York. She likes going abroad, making her own recipes and art shows. She also writes sometimes. Some of this is available on this site and at The Vintage Avocado. She hopes that more of it will one day be available at your local bookstore!

Latest Sex Positions

View More Positions More Icon