HOW TO PLEASURE
United We Come: Synchronizing Orgasms
Simultaneous orgasms may seem like pure Hollywood magic, but with a bit of effort you can bring the magic home!
Watching practically any steamy scene in a movie may lead you to think that coming at the same time as your partner (also known as having a simultaneous orgasm) is the epitome of good sex.
Real life though, doesn't always match up. Ultimately, it's all about enjoying yourselves during the experience. If synchronized orgasms happen, great. If your orgasms happen separately, that's great too. If someone feels too tired to orgasm, that's a-okay too!
That said, there is something delicious about reaching those sexy peaks together and relaxing into post-orgasm bliss at the same time, no one having to continue on when they would rather be relaxing or having to take care of business themselves if they want an orgasm after their partner has tapped out.
While we certainly aren't saying simultaneous orgasms are a must for satisfying sex with a partner, or even something you should be striving for, if it's an idea you want to explore, try these tips on for size!
As with everything sexual, the first step will always be to communicate. You and your partner need to know what activities feel the most stimulating - and which ones feel the least stimulating. What makes for the best turn-on - and what is always a turn-off? Is there anything that your body can use as a last-second boost to help get you to orgasm? This early discussion will give you both the information you need to plan out your "synchronized orgasm".
Of course, that's the pre-sex plan. You also need to communicate just as much during the act itself. Both partners need to know where each other is on the track to orgasm. If one partner is near the edge - but the other partner isn't quite there yet, there needs to be a quick way to communicate that the stimulating activities for the further-along partner need to slow down.
You'll find that a lot of your synchronized orgasm attempts will come down to this constant communication. You and your partner will always be at different parts of your orgasm journey: that's just how individual anatomy works. By keeping in regular contact with one another about where you're at, though, you can adjust the pace and activity of what's going on. This allows you to slow down the person who's advancing faster - and hopefully speed up the person who was advancing slower.
Of course, all of that communication won't be nearly as helpful if you don't have the information to communicate in the first place. With that in mind...
Prep with Exploratory Masturbation
Do you know what movements or sensations will help you reach orgasm? If you know what they are, can you verbally explain them - or help demonstrate them to your partner? If not, consider hitting up the drawing board - solo - for an exploratory masturbation session. While you're there, take mental notes about what feels best. Does the angle matter? What about pressure? Frequency? How or when do you speed up to get to orgasm? Notice your breath and your body, too. All of this can be really helpful information when trying to figure out how to synchronize your pleasure.
On the reverse side, you can also use this time to figure out what keeps you from getting to orgasm. When you're really close to orgasm, are there still spots that can be pleasurably stimulated - but don't get you to tumble off the cliff? Does the tightening or loosening of a muscle change whether you're still on the edge? What about a change in breathing? Get to know your body - and its cues for and away from orgasm to best contribute helpful information while communicating.
If you don't masturbate, consider taking the time to give it a try now. Not only does it provide a solo outlet when you need it, but it also can help you learn a lot about yourself. However, if you need to do this step with your partner for your mental comfort, that's definitely doable! Just ensure you both are focused more on the exploration to find an answer - and less so on the resulting orgasms.
Rely on Foreplay
One of you probably tends to orgasm before the other. Utilizing foreplay to its fullest potential can help close this gap. During foreplay, pay special, extended attention to the partner who takes a bit longer to orgasm. You might even consider a bit of edging to ensure their body is primed and already close to orgasm before you begin.
This way, when you start engaging in whatever activity you want to be mutually orgasmic (whether that's intercourse, mutual oral sex, or something else) their body will already be ahead of the curve - and closer to orgasm. You've just equaled the playing field a little bit!
Read: Tips to Turn Making Out Sizzling Hot
Experiment with Sex Toys During Intercourse
As sex toy manufacturers have continued to try to improve sex lives, quite a few sex toys have come out that can be used during intercourse. Designed especially for the tight fit between bodies during intercourse, these toys can help add sensation for both of you - and usually focus on adding more pleasure to one partner or the other.
For example, the Deia Wearable is a vibrating sex toy designed to be worn, hands-free, in a vagina during intercourse. One side of its U-shaped design slides into the vagina - right alongside the penis. This end snuggles up against the g-spot, but it also, simultaneously, anchors the vibrator for hands-free pleasure. At the same time, the opposite side pleasures the clitoris with hands-free vibrations to add more sensation during sex. To ensure you don't need to slide apart to control the Deia Wearable, the Wearable comes with a remote control too.
Using something like the Deia Wearable can add more sensation to one partner - while still pleasuring the other partner at the same time.
Don't forget to experiment with cock rings too. They can have the same benefits!
Read: Curious About Cock RIngs?
Consider Using Condoms
If there's a penis-owner in your pair who tends to orgasm first, consider using condoms - even if you don't need them for safer sex purposes. The additional barrier wrapped around the skin of the penis can lessen some of the sensitivity. While that's usually a complaint point for a lot of people, in this case, that can actually be a good thing! A little bit less stimulation for the penis-owner can give their partner a bit more time to 'catch up' if you're seeking those synchronized orgasms.
Since condoms come in multiple thicknesses to provide multiple sensitivity options, consider getting a thicker/thinner condom to further personalize the intensity of the sensations that make it through.
(Protip! If using a stroker or other type of sex toy for your simultaneous orgasms, don't forget that condoms can be used alongside sex toys as well! It makes for simpler clean-up too!)
Read: Put a Condom on It (Your Sex Toy!)
Experiment With New Positions
Not all sex positions are created equal, and if you're hoping to enjoy synchronized orgasms during intercourse, you'll find that out pretty quickly. Some sex positions will place your bodies so closely together that you won't be able to use a sex toy like a wand massager - which might impact one person's ability to orgasm. Other sex positions may be so athletic that the focus becomes on maintaining the difficult position (and your straining muscles!) instead of the joint orgasm.