Even if you've never read the "Fifty Shades of Grey" trilogy by E.L. James, chances are you've caught wind of the hype around the "Fifty Shades Darker" movie being released February 9, 2017. For many people who were not familiar with BDSM, "Fifty Shades" was an eye-opener. Unfortunately, while it's great to titillation, it isn't the best source of sex education. But where to go for the information you need? After all, searching for sex terms online can be a bit of a minefield of porn sites and virus-laden spam. So, I've come to your rescue by going out and doing the dirty work for you. Here are some answers to satisfy your curiosity. And if there's anything we've missed, be sure to contact us.
What are those metal balls everyone keeps talking about?In "Fifty Shades of Grey," Anastasia wears metal balls to a charity event, then receives a spanking from Christian. These became hugely popular after the release of the book. So, what gives? These little metal balls are most commonly known as Ben Wa Balls. They have a long list of other names - like love balls, geisha balls and Kegel balls - but they're essentially all the same thing. These small (about 3/4 of an inch to one-inch in diameter), round weighted balls are designed to be inserted into the vagina, either for pleasure or to strengthen the Kegel muscles. And, while while wearing the balls can produce some arousing sensations, stronger Kegel muscles can contribute to bigger, better orgasms over time.
Ben Wa balls can be worn for minutes, hours or the whole day (it's up to you). One thing to keep in mind, though: If you're wearing them for stimulation, make sure that you'll be able to remove them if the sensation becomes too intense.
Can a woman orgasm from nipple stimulation alone?Yes ladies, it is possible. It is referred to as a nipple orgasm - how original! It takes a bit of work on your partner's end, but it can be pretty mind blowing. In "Fifty Shades of Grey," the heroine, Anastasia, experiences a nipple orgasm as the second orgasm of her life. I'd have to say this isn't likely without more practice. That said, when it comes to sex, practice is pretty fun too! (Keep in mind that this kind of orgasm is nearly impossible for a man, and if you try it, it's likely to lead to discomfort rather than pleasure because men's nipples are more sensitive.)
Does the world of dominants, submissives and sex contracts actually exist?It absolutely does. In fact, it's far more popular than one might think. There are social network sites like FetLife and CollarMe for meeting like-minded people and sharing experiences. There are even online training schools for dominants and submissives, and plenty of free online contract samples that aspiring dominant/submissive partners can customize to their liking. And before you dismiss your little neck of the woods for being devoid of BDSM action, think again. In a 10-second Google search, I was able to find a society in my city (of less than 1 million people) dedicated to organizing social functions for members of the BDSM community. If you are interested in this world, you'll be amazed at how big, broad, diverse and accessible it really is. (Want to learn more? Read: BDSM 101.)
Can having intercourse with a full bladder result in a better orgasm?This worked for Anastasia and it could work for you, as long as your bladder isn't too full, or you could have a mess to clean up ("golden shower" anyone?). The urge to urinate can sometimes cause stronger and more frequent orgasms in women because a full bladder can push on the G-spot. Hey, it can't hurt to give it a try!
Does Christian's trademark of circling his fingers inside Anastasia's vagina actually work?Again the answer is yes (yes! yes!). Some partners don't realize that when it comes to finger stimulation, a straight in and out motion often only leaves a woman wanting something more. In "Fifty Shades," lover boy Christian Grey often uses a finger circling motion to stimulate Anastasia. And why wouldn't he? It's an expert move in the manual stimulation department. Give it a try on yourself if you aren't a believer - you can thank me later! (Get more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Giving a Girl a Handjob.)
What is an "egg?"During Christian and Anastasia's discussion about their hard and soft limits there is a mention of "eggs" in the anal sex toy area of the contract. Now, I am going to assume E.L. James didn't mean actual eggs because, well, that would be messy. These "eggs" could refer to one of two things: the many egg-shaped vibrators on the market or a specific sex toy called Asian anal eggs. Either way, they are pleasure givers - so get cracking! (Just make sure that anything you put back there has a flared base and can be properly sanitized after use.)
What is TPE?In the first book of the "Fifty Shades of Grey" trilogy, Christian refers to wanting a "TPE relationship". TPE stands for total power exchange, and you probably shouldn't agree to be in this type of relationship unless you fully understand what it entails. A TPE relationship most commonly exists in a long-term dominant and submissive relationship, where the submissive agrees to give the dominant complete control, hence the "total" part of the equation. The dominant may control the submissive, but in return is completely responsible for the submissive's well-being. Some refer to it as consensual slavery. (Check out Power Play: How to Use Power to Make Even Mundane Things Super Sexy.)
Can a person really have that many orgasms in one day?In "Fifty Shades," Christian and Ana have mind-blowing sex, well, pretty much constantly - although they do pause for a meal now and then. Can two people really enjoy each other that much? The answer is that it's possible, but not very likely. The female world record holder for most orgasms in a day is Deanna Webb at 226, but while most women are capable of multiplying the pleasure, most lose interest long before this point and get on with their day. So is it possible to have intercourse and orgasms, say, four to six times a day for weeks on end like Anastasia Steele? Yes, technically the body can do this. Feel free to test yourself if you have that kind of energy!
Can sex in a bathtub really be as good as described in the book?Well, you are dealing with a few additional factors when having sex in the bathtub - tub fixtures, a very hard slippery surface and water that is constantly washing away a woman's natural lubrication. Plus, condoms can't be used for underwater play because they just don't stay put. Never say never, but I think the hot steamy bathtub sex in "Fifty Shades" is just plain fiction. However, in the foreplay department, a hot bath certainly ranks way up there.
Exactly how E.L James, a shy, British housewife with no "Red Room of Pain" to call her own, came up with "Fifty Shades of Grey" and managed to capture the sexual subconscious of millions of people is a mystery. But, whether you're a "Fifty Shades" fan or not, she definitely tapped into something. And BDSM can be great. The key is to ensure that people get educated about how to do it safely and consensually.