Think your kids don't want to talk to you about it? Think again. According to a 2012 telephone survey of teens conducted by Social Science Research Solutions, many teens cite their parents as their greatest influence when it comes to making decisions about sex.
Discussions about sex should be factual and should reflect your own beliefs and values. That said, it’s important to note that your children may not share your opinions. Listen to your children and learn about their thoughts, even if you don’t agree with them. Respecting their differences will ensure the dialog stays open, despite any conflicting views.
Those early conversations may well be awkward (younger children in particular are expert at finding the questions you are most uncomfortable about answering). It'll teach you a lot about what makes you uncomfortable about the topic of sex - which means it isn't just your kids who stand to learn a thing or two!
If you find it difficult to initiate a talk about sex, look for teachable moments in everyday life, and always be open to answering questions when they arise. Being honest about any feelings of embarrassment can also help relieve the tension, especially when it comes to teenagers.
Finally, if you're embarrassed about talking to your kids, ask yourself why that is - and why you feel that way. The more comfortable you become, the more comfortable your child will be. This is important, as they should know they can ask anything without embarrassment or, most importantly, judgment.
Young children also often ask how babies are made, particularly if there is a pregnancy in your family. A simple explanation about a daddy’s sperm or seed watering the egg in a mommy’s tummy is generally sufficient at this age.
7-12 years: As children approach puberty, it’s important for parents to prepare them for the road ahead. It’s appropriate to talk to children of any gender about changes from pubic hair to periods. A discussion about masturbation is also important as children begin to explore their own bodies.
Children will want to learn more about sex at this age, as well as other topical issues such as the AIDS virus and sexuality. They are also likely to be interested in dating and how people fall in love. This is a great time to share some of your own stories. They will go a lot further toward making your kids think than speaking in general, hypothetical terms.
13-18 years: As hormones race, discussions about sex should shift from mere mechanics to the moral and emotional components of sexuality. Your children should learn about healthy and unhealthy relationships, sexual and otherwise. You should also try to make an impression on children about how they should treat their partners, and how they should expect to be treated in return.
It’s also a time for reinforcing messages about contraception and busting sexual myths. Teens tend not to want to talk about sex with their parents, but squeeze in what you can. You don’t want your kid thinking girls can’t get pregnant when they lose their virginity, or if they have sex standing up! Of course pregnancies and STDs aren’t the only consequences of sex. Discussing the feelings surrounding sexual intercourse and the right and wrong reasons to become sexually active is also important.