Let’s just face a few facts: sex is important in a relationship. This includes oral sex. There are plenty of articles written about how to give mind-blowing blow jobs. I’ve written a few myself! Yet when it comes to oral advice for men, there seems to be a gap in available information. The few articles I have seen are typically written for men by other men! That’s like the blind leading the blind! In my vast experience, there are very few men who not only aren’t willing to go down on a woman, but there are even fewer who know what the hell they are doing once they get down there.

Fellas, it’s a vulva. It’s not the space shuttle. It’s just not that complicated!

If you really want to live up to the image you have of yourself as a sexual Tyrannosaurus, then pull up a chair and take notes - class is in session. If you’re lucky, there will be an oral quiz with your lover later.

Don't Neglect the Clitoris

First thing's first: The clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings. Think of it as a tiny penis with double the senses. Yup, hold on to that image and feeling for a minute. Mull it over as you imagine how incredibly sensitive your penis is … and then double it! Knowledge is power, boys, so educate yourself on the female anatomy before you try to tinker with it, OK? (Read: Holy Clit, Batman! 9 Amazing Facts About the Clitoris.)

All Women Are Not the Same

The second most important tip is to forget what your ex told you; what she liked, what she didn’t like, or what she lied about liking. Every woman is different. Vaginas are like snowflakes. No two are exactly alike. Get to know the one you're working with.

Start Slow

Just like your little soldier needs a bit of coaxing before he’s ready to stand, or lean, at attention, your lover needs a little bit of build-up as well. You can’t simply get naked, throw her on the bed, and conquer her with your tongue. That only happens in porn. Real, live women need a little coaxing to get the juices flowing south of the Bbrder. Kiss her neck and collar bone, work your way down and lightly kiss, lick, and suck her nipples before trailing light kisses down her navel, stopping at her pubic bone. Tease her a bit by shifting your attention to her inner thighs, softly kissing the inside of one and then the other as you hold her waist.

Let’s assume you’ve got her right where you want her - aroused and ready for the best orgasm of her life. Now what? Start with some soft kisses or even simply breathing some warm breaths on her labia as you hover just above her lady parts, not quite touching her. Work up your “kisses” from soft to sensual by adding just a touch of your soft - not rigid - tongue as you continue kissing up one side of her labia to her clitoris and then down the other side.

Now it’s time to turn things up a notch. Gently (I said gently!) use your tongue to lick from the vagina to the clit, stopping to roll your tongue around her clit softly. Then wrap your lips around her clit and give it a little suck, almost like a kiss.

Pay Attention to Her Responses

Pay attention to her responses as you touch, kiss and lick her. Is she moving away? If so, ease up. Is she pushing into you? She likes what you’re doing and may want more (either more of the same, or more pressure). It’s OK to ask questions, but don’t interview her or take a survey in the middle of trying to give her an orgasm. A simple, “Do you like that?” should solicit the proper response.

Another important tip: Don’t forget the fingers! A lot of women like double stimulation, which means we like being penetrated and having clitoral stimulation at the same time. For some women, this can create the best orgasm because, if done correctly, you can give her a clitoral orgasm as well as a G-spot orgasm at the same time. Talk about rocking her world! Make sure your hands are clean and nails are trimmed because nothing can kill the mood faster than being scratched down there. Seriously, it’s the equivalent of her kicking you in the nuts as she’s switching positions and mounting you. Not good. Try inserting one finger first, then follow her cues as far as how hard, fast, or deep she likes to be penetrated. Then try slipping in a second finger while you continue orally worshiping her clitoris.

Chances are, if you have followed these tips, your woman is on the verge of an amazing orgasm. Keep listening to her words, moans and body language. Do more of what she likes. Remember to switch things up every now and then. Just because she likes it when you use your tongue in a clockwise circle on her clit doesn't mean that it's the only thing you should do and expect an orgasm. Remember, the clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings and the same sensation over and over after a while can go from stimulating to painful. Move your tongue clockwise and then switch things up and go counter clockwise, or flatten your tongue and move up and down. Try gently sucking, nibbling, or kissing her clitoris. Think of all of the amazing and different things you like done to your member during oral sex and then try those things on her.

Lastly, remember: Sex is supposed to be enjoyable. Get into your work. Enjoy going down on her and she will be more likely to enjoy the experience.