What's a sex geek?

To me, a sex geek is someone who keeps up with the latest sexuality research, is open to new ideas and experiences, and isn't afraid to talk about sex with friends and partners. It's someone who values fact-based information rather than cultural myths, who fights a society that would shame and repress sexual pleasure, and who lives out their sexuality in an ethical and open-minded way.

Sex geeks are everywhere, but many of them happen to be in the kink community. Why? Because what we do requires it. You don't need to be a kinkster to be a sex geek - anyone can develop the knowledge and skills to become a sexual health and awareness resource in their community, even if it's just among your friends. Here's why it pays to get your geek on.

You Need Mad Skills

A kinkster worthy of that name - on either side of the D/s slash - needs plenty of skills to safely practice kink. Whether it's learning anatomy for rope or impact play or the psychology of sex and arousal for interesting mental scenes, you don't go hitting people or messing with their heads without knowing what in the hell you're doing first.

This is why you'll often see good kinksters at conferences and workshops. Even in my small city, there's at least one or two workshops every week on a variety of topics, from negotiation skills to rope safety, from service and protocol to fear play.

Workshops and conferences are an integral part of a kinkster's life. Not attending them is seen as a lack of interest in improving your skills, and that's not a label you want applied to you in our community.

Even if you don't practice kink on a regular basis, there's always new skills to learn, from giving better blow jobs to giving women 30-minute orgasms (yes, it's a thing!). Being a sex geek isn't just for kinksters. There's plenty of vanilla skills you can learn and improve too.

Learning skills doesn't have to be done in a classroom. There are plenty of online sources and books that can help you. They're a good alternative if you lack the funds to attend workshops or conferences. The key is to just keep learning.

It Builds Community and Intimacy

Kinky people understand the importance of community. It provides a support system for newcomers, helps maintain the safety of its members, and promotes openness and communication in all kinds of situations, not just on the play floor. Community gives you a refuge, an opportunity to be yourself without fear of being judged or rejected.

Whether you're single and ready to mingle or with your long-term monogamous partner, attending workshops lets you meet other like-minded people and build a sex-positive community. Even if you're just reading a book and practicing new skills with a partner, this also improves your intimacy with each other.

Learning about sex in a community, or at least with each other, is an excellent way to reduce the shame and stigma around sex. It makes it less taboo and more accessible. It can help you open up and speak your desires.

Kinksters know that conferences and workshops are not only a great place to pick up new skills, but also to pick up new play partners. If you're a newcomer to the kink community, workshops are an essential part of meeting like-minded people and showing your interest in learning new things. You'll be seen as an involved and curious member of the community, and that's always a good thing.

Even if you're not kinky, there are plenty of opportunities to learn more about sex in a group setting. Tantra workshops, weekend group retreats, and sexual health and awareness training are all good ways you can meet up with fellow sex geeks and increase your sex knowledge.

We're All Better for It

Being a sex geek means committing to a safer, better sex life for ourselves, our partners and our communities. With sexuality-oriented research coming out regularly, there's always something new to learn.

Kinky or not, being a good sex geek who stays informed about sexuality, sexual health, and sex research makes you a reliable resource for your friends and community. You don't need to be an "official" sex educator to be the person people come to for questions: all you need is knowledge and compassion.

As a sex geek, you can do a lot to promote healthy sexuality around you. By reducing shame and stigma, being open to different experiences, and using fact-based education, you can make a difference in many people's lives.

When people's sex lives are better, we're all better for it!