How My Mom Encouraged Me to Be an Erotica Writer
Open conversations about sex can lead your children to be anything...including an erotica writer.
I have had a lifelong fascination with sex. I approach it like any other topic that people become consumed with. I like to follow all the latest and greatest - and particularly the curves! My fascination facilitates what I do as an editor and writer of erotica. My work demands a constant exploration of the nuances of sex. I thrive on perpetuating new expressions of sex. Sexuality is just so multifaceted and so interesting. I love thinking and writing about it. And I have my sex education - and my mother - to thank.
How My Mom Shaped My Sexual Education
My sexual education began with my mother, and it was thorough. My mother told me about sex when I was six. I had not asked. She just provided me information in a very matter-of-fact way, like she did with most things. There was no sense that the very basic understanding of sex that she provided for me was a taboo subject. It seemed like any other subject. I was free to ask questions, and to explore my thoughts about sex. With the information I was provided, I wrote a very metaphorical essay about the birds and the bees, an essay that one of my friends would not read because she deemed it "dirty."
Of course, even though my mother had not indicated it, it became clear to me that sex was a topic that I wanted to explore. As it turned out, a lot people around me weren't comfortable with me talking about it or me making them talk about it. So, I respected their boundaries. (Read: What I Learned from My Mom's Negative View of Sex.)
Sex Doesn't Have to Be Taboo or Dirty
A few years after my sexual education commenced, I found a dirty magazine. That was the complete illustration of the things that I had been thinking about. I am not even sure I was thinking about the act of sex yet, but after that magazine I sure was! It was filled with screenshots from different movies, mostly with busty women in every position. That and lesbians. There were no gay men. That would come later. My feelings about porn were aroused during an event for Math Magazine at Babeland on feminist porn. Because I was so young when I was exposed to porn, I never had any reservations about it. My education and thoughts about it continue to evolve. (Read: Porn: Love It or Leave It?)
And that's just the thing with sex: it does not have to be taboo or dirty. I remember asking my mother what a blow job was when I was in the sixth grade. At this point, she had plied me with books like "Changing Bodies, Changing Lives" and she told me to refer to my book. My mother promoted self discovery. When I turned to the page that told me what a blow job was, my face was hot. Someone had said it to me and I had asked my mother! I mean, talking about sex hypothetically and in theory was cool, but my personal experience has always been very private.
My mother also let me make my own choices when it came to my body and my sexuality. When I told my mother I wanted to go without a bra, she told me go ahead. And I did. I was 14 and went to school for awhile without a bra - until I was in an acting scene with one of my classmates and he almost passed out because I was playing Juliet and my adolescent breasts were all over the place. I decided I did not want to cause unintentional titillation! But my mother let me make the decision, and I was always thankful for that.
My mother gave me the best kind of education. She made sex available as a topic like anything else. It was neither taboo, nor a topic that was discussed ad nauseam. It was a topic just like the weather or politics. Something that could be talked about if I had a reason or wanted to do so.
As a writer and editor, sex is my playground. It is the story I cannot get enough of reading, writing, or hearing. It is the story that affects all of us in some way, and all those ways need to be explored. I learn more and more about sex the more I write and edit it.
Because I was raised to open the conversation.