I cry after sex.
It happened for the first time while I was 22 and living in the Czech Republic. Just before I left to teach abroad, I fell in love with this kind-hearted, guarded woman I’d spent a year trying to catch. We slept three wonderful months in each other's arms before I moved thousands of miles away, and once there it was apparent our only options were to torture ourselves with expensive long-distance phone calls or let each other go.
So, she let me go.
I felt so lonely, unlovable, lost and scared, but I held it all together. Every day, I walked, (literally uphill both ways in the snow) to teach English, smiling, playing and honestly enjoying my life in this small forest town. But at night, alone in my bed, that facade broke and I found it impossible to have a physical release without an emotional one following it.
For the whole year I was in the Czech Republic, I couldn’t cum without crying.
When I returned, my emotional state evened out, but I still found myself occasionally overcome by the need to cry or laugh uncontrollably after sex. It wasn’t always dependent on my mood, but I did notice that I typically cried after very intense orgasms. My partners started taking that as a good sign, a salty pat on the back.
Then my brother died, and again, I found myself unable to cum without crying. It’s been over a year and, with few exceptions, I still cry after each orgasm. Luckily, my partner is amazingly understanding and simply wraps me in her arms and holds me as I let it all go.
However, I still sometimes feel self-conscious and frustrated at this often uncontrollable display of emotion. Because of that, I’ve gathered lots of information on the subject for myself and, at the request of one of my fans, I'm sharing it with you.
Do you cry after sex? Here are some things to remember.
Crying after sex, or post-coital tristesse, is extremely common in all genders. Ask your friends, and I can guarantee that a few of them have also shed some sexy tears. Almost everyone I talk to, regardless of gender, has cried at least once after sex.
During sex, hormone levels escalate and build, no matter what your mood. Crying after sex is simply a release of that tension. If you’re more sensitive at the time, the chances that you'll cry will obviously be higher, but whether your tears are happy ones, sad ones, or something in between, be sure to take care of yourself if you start crying; it can be emotionally draining and you may need a little extra TLC when it happens.
I’m in love with the song "Let It Go" from Disney's "Frozen" right now. It sums up my feelings about emotions: They’ll come out no matter what, in ways that are harmful to you and the ones you love, so let them go and be your unique, complex self. There is no shame in crying after sex. If anything, it can be a compliment to the person who gave you such an amazing orgasm. So let it go. (Get some tips on how to deliver more pleasure to your partner in The No.1 Secret to the Female Orgasm.)
An orgasm is the physical release of tension built up in your body. Crying is the emotional release of tension built up in your body. Combine the two, and bam! You get an amazing, full-body, mind-blowing release. I’m not saying you should purposely try to make yourself cry (although you’re welcome to do that if it’s your thing), but holding back may hinder your orgasm, so let it go, tears and all.
If your partner starts crying, ask them what you can do to help. Some people may want to be held, others may want some space. Remind them that there is no shame in crying and encourage them to let it all out and finish completely. Crying is like cumming, you’re most satisfied when you’re completely drained.
I hope this helped all of you feel more comfortable and less alone in the emotional roller coaster that sex can be.
With love and light,
Lauren
Kinkly is a sex education site that aims to help people pursue pleasure in ways that are safe, healthy, consensual, and fun. We're looking for a Partnerships Manager to find and connect with the right partners who are aligned with our values. If you think that sounds like you, we'd love to hear from you!
Apply Now
