See, "standard" sex positions may not be a great fit for pegging first-timers. That's because many couples may have discordant heights or weights that make their go-tos a difficult fit. (For example, if your receiving partner is a lot taller than you, you won't be tall enough to even think about penetration in the Open Pike sex position.)
Because of this, I recommend doing a "trial run" with your partner for your expected sex position. Now that you know where you want the harness to fit and where the dildo will hang, both you and your receiving partner can get into the position -- even while clothed.
When I do this with new partners, I find it usually "devolves" into play -- like dry humping them in our clothes until we both get off. A bit of prep work with a lot of fun involved? I'll take it!
READ: 10 BDSM Punishments That Segue Perfectly Into Sex.
The idea is to see how the sex position will work for both of your bodies. Can you both maintain this position, while moving, for a decent period of time?
And, most importantly, does this sex position offer enough support to provide very, very slow and patient penetration? With a dildo strapped to your hips, you won't just be sliding in and going to town -- like you practiced while hand-holding the dildo, you'll likely need to take breaks to slowly insert the dildo into the receiver.
For instance, in the Missionary position, the penetrating partner is left doing an unsupported plank in the air. Holding this for minutes at a time while slowly inserting the dildo is just unrealistic for most people. That's why you'll want to ensure your sex position allows you both to comfortably rest for long, patient breaks mid-penetration without disturbing the dildo's position.
You might need to select a new sex position -- and that's OK! Your previously selected sex position isn't going anywhere, and it'll be there for years to come when you're both more familiar with pegging and everything it entails.
READ: 6 Sex Positions Made for Big, Beautiful Bodies.
5. Have a Conversation
Ideally, you and your partner have maintained open communication throughout this entire process.
Just in case you haven't, though, I want to stress how important it is for you to talk throughout this entire experience.
READ: Sex Communication 101.
Before jumping into pegging, I recommend an open discussion about:
- How you'll communicate during the experience. Promise to be upfront with one another. Depending on your comfort level around discussing sex, this may look like making secret "code words" to communicate needs mid-play.
- How you're feeling about the experience. Nervousness is totally normal!
- How you're going to make sure the harness-wearer has a great time. While pegging provides a lot of sensations to the receiving partner, it can occasionally leave the harness-wearer low in the "physical sensations" department. Make sure you have a plan.
See, pegging is one of those sex acts where the penetrating partner likely has no sensation in the object they're using. Unlike hand-holding a dildo, where the holder can at least see the dildo, in a lot of pegging sex positions, your harness-wearer may not even be able to see the toy!
This means pegging relies even more on open communication than other sex acts might. Did the dildo fall out? Is the penetrating partner sliding further in even though they're trying not to? Would a slight tilt of the hips allow the penetrator to hit the p-spot?
All of these things require open communication and minute-by-minute adjustments.And that's a good thing!
If you and your partner are comfortable enough to communicate, it means your pegging experience has the best chance of being amazing for both of you!
Once you've had a chat (or, ideally, several) it's time for the "big day." You're ready to play with pegging as seamlessly as possible!
READ: A Step-by-Step Guide to Giving Your First Pegging.
How to Actually Peg Your Partner
By following the steps above, you should be fully prepared to deliver a pegging full of serious pleasure, fun and success.
As for the pegging itself? It's going to go down like this:
- Enjoy foreplay. Depending on how long you have been looking forward to it, the anticipation is already quite a bit of foreplay. But I always recommend more! I especially encourage lots of physical sensations for the harness-wearing, partner as pegging can be light on physical play for them.
READ: 10 Foreplay Games to Add Some Heat to the Bedroom.
- Put on your strap-on harness and dildo. You've already adjusted it to fit your body and figured out how you want to wear it, so this will be a breeze! If you're feeling it, you can let the receiver watch -- and be as teasing as you want to be!
- Use your fingers (or a smaller warm-up toy!) with lube on the receiver. This can help pre-stretch the body to get ready for the dildo you have strapped on -- and the visual of wearing your pegging gear while simultaneously penetrating them with another toy can be super hot!
- Get into your chosen pegging position. Now that your partner's body is primed and ready for more, you can get into the sex position you've already explored. Since you both know it works for your bodies, now it's just a matter of adding the dildo into the equation.
- Add lube. While your partner's butt is probably already lubed up from the warm-up play, more lube never hurt anyone! Add more lubricant to your bottom's entrance and squirt a ton of it onto your dildo. Feel free to make a show out of stroking up and down the dildo's shaft. (If you don't end up dripping some lube onto the bed beneath you, you probably didn't use enough!)
- Press the tip of the dildo against the entrance. Instead of you leaning forward, encourage the receiving partner to push back against the dildo. This lets them take the length at their own speed. Expect it to take at least five minutes to get the dildo in, and if it's faster, that just means you get to the fun faster! Exercise serious patience to avoid anyone getting hurt.
- Apply the lightest pressure to the dildo. If your partner is unable to push back -- or reaches the limitations of how far they can push on their end -- use the lightest bit of pressure to push the dildo into the receiving partner. If you want, you can slip a hand under the harness and push against the base to push the dildo inside and better control the pressure. Avoid using your bodyweight as the pressure point, as it can be hard to control how much pressure you apply with your entire body.
- Ask for feedback. Throughout the entire penetration, you should be talking back and forth. It might only sound like "Yes, deeper," or "Oh, that's good," but this is the most difficult part of pegging -- and active participation on both sides is really helpful!
- Start movement! Once the receiving partner is as far down the dildo as they'd like to be, you can start moving! Depending on your comfort level, this may not be all the way to the base of the dildo; it depends on your dildo's width and length. Instead, go to where it's comfortable -- and then move in ways that feel fantastic for both of you! This may be full, in-and-out thrusts, but it also may be grinding motions with micro-movements that target the p-spot or push the dildo base into the clitoris. It's all about what you enjoy.
That's really it, though! You're pegging someone! You did it!
Pegging Sex Toys
As you explore the world of pegging beyond this first time, you might consider adding some sex accessories like the:
These toys can help add pleasure (and reduce pain!) during pegging. However, they can add a bit of complexity at first, so I recommend going without them for your first few peggings.
Once you're comfortable, though, they can be great ways to add more sensation and functionality to your pegging play!
Pegging is a popular sex act for good reasons: It can feel amazing, look amazing, help you experiment with power dynamics and open up a whole new world of pleasurable possibilities for you and your partner! However, like anything you're trying for the first time, preparing to peg your partner requires planning, practice and -- most of all -- good communication.
For more advice on how to prepare for pegging and make it go smoothly, I'd recommend these articles: