I still don’t understand why female masturbation is still shrouded by so much misinformation. We live in the age of information. Women are more empowered about their own sexuality than ever before. Yet, without fail, most TV shows and movies portray female masturbation as some mythical thing, one that often involves ridiculously impractical rituals that most women just don't have time for. We need to clear this right up. I know that writing just one article isn’t going to magically remove the misinformation, but we have to start somewhere, right? Here area few incorrect assumptions I often see in the media and daily life about female masturbation.
Women may be more empowered about their sexuality than ever before, but there are still a few myths about female masturbation that just won't die.
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The biggest misinformation I see in the media is that when women masturbate we do shit like light candles, wear sexy things, maybe have a bath - you know make a "night" out of it.
What?! This is certainly worth doing, but it isn't routine for any woman I know - nobody has time for that! Plus, women are perfectly capable of masturbating without any fanfare: before we sleep, when we wake up, because we’re bored, as a quickie before we leave the house. You know, just like men. The best part is that many of us can do it multiple times in a row, because multiple orgasms. Judging from porn, TV, and movies, every time a woman masturbates, she’s all hot and bothered, gasping for breath, boobs heaving, and when she cums she throws her head back and moans before finally collapsing in an ecstatic heap.
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Uh…. no. Masturbation can be really uneventful. It can even be downright ugly. Our faces screw up as we concentrate because we need to in order to climax. Sometimes we’re watching porn. Sometimes we’re just using our imagination. Yet, the media portrays female masturbation as a way to evoke desire in others. Even when we’re all alone and pleasuring ourselves, it's apparently still supposed to be a performance.
In many cases, women take care of business without sexy lingerie, perfectly tousled hair or even audible moans of pleasure. And that's OK. It's what's happening on the inside that counts. I once had a guy tell me that his girlfriend doesn’t masturbate because she’s not a slutty girl. There is so much wrong with this statement that I don’t even know where to begin. First of all, it requires the assumption that most women don't masturbate (not true). The idea that only slutty women masturbate stems from how female masturbation is often portrayed - as something performative and for the pleasure of others. Dead wrong. The majority of women masturbate. They do it the way they want to and they do it for themselves. It's healthy and normal, and it says nothing about the kind of people they are.
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On the flip side, masturbation has been used by well-meaning feminists as a way to take control of how we feel about our bodies. That's all well and good, but really, it’s just masturbation. We should be able to do it without having it attached to some kind of political statement. No one is telling men to whack off to feel better about their bodies. The same should go for women. While I’m grateful that we can now talk about our sexuality and explore it more, when I’m touching myself, all I want are my fantasies and to feel good.
Hopefully we start changing these perceptions of women’s sexuality so that women can just have sex and masturbate without any assumptions or judgments.
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Coleen Singer
Coleen Singer is a writer, photographer, film editor and all-around geeky gal at Sssh.com (@ssshforwomen), where she often waxes eloquent about sex, porn, sex toys, censorship, the literary and pandering evils of "Fifty Shades of Grey" and other topics not likely to be found on the Pulitzer Prize shortlist. She is also the editor and curator of EroticScribes.com. When she is not doing all of the above, Singer is an amateur stock-car racer and enjoys modifying vintage 1970s cars for the racetrack. Oh, she also likes porn.
