Bonus: Seeing what kind of toy your partner prefers can give you valuable info about how their body works. G-spot toy? Small gentle clitoral vibe? Massive powerful wand? They each clue you in to your partner’s specific bodily needs.
You may feel like you want to do things like vocalize about how “hot” you find seeing your partner with their toy. That’s a common and understandable impulse, but you want to check in with your partner before play time to see how that will make them feel. If this is their first time playing in front of anyone, they may be feeling a bit exposed as it is and your interjections will simply serve to make them uncomfortable (yes, even if you mean them to be complimentary). Additionally, many of us have learned to used toys in a very focused way. So, the first time you are with your partner and their toy, talking while they are trying to get where they are going could send them careening off the path.
Remember: None of this is personal. Your partner loves your voice ... just maybe not now.
Bonus: Your partner may want you to speak up. This is why checking in is always a good idea.
Let Them Show You How They Use Their Toys
This comes back to the issue of taking responsibility for your partner’s orgasm. It can be tempting to try to insert yourself into the experience, use the toy your own way, wow them with the new, even more pleasurable experience that you imagine you will create with your special and unique spin on it, but, frankly, that’s a super-fast way to piss all over your partner’s pleasure. Your partner wants to show you how they give themselves pleasure, what they have found that makes their body feel good, and their preferred methods of stimulation. By trying to take control things, you are essentially announcing that you know better and taking away your partner's agency. That’s not hot.
Remember: Your partner is the expert on their body and if they want to teach you about it, that’s awesome!
Bonus: Your partner may, at some point, hand their toy off to you. At that point, you’ll know how to wield it for maximum pleasure.
Don’t Use Your Partner’s Toys Without Asking
You may decide that you think sex toys are pretty darn cool (and you’d be right!), but the same rules apply here as with most everything in life. Don’t use someone's stuff without asking. True story: I once had a partner decide to use one of my beloved dildos anally while house-sitting for me. Now, the toy is silicone and thus sanitizable, but I was still not thrilled about a toy I use vaginally being in someone's butt. Just not cool. Don’t do it.
Remember: Sex toys are not just someone’s belongings, they are someone’s super-personal belongings. It’s not cool to use someone's sex toys without permission. Ever.
Bonus: Now you get to shop for your own cool toys!
That’s it, folks! Now you are all set to go forth and meet your partner’s sex toys with confidence. Enjoy!