Our host was confused and stumped. They had a fairly simple view of sexual activity, and my colleague and I, both educators and personally involved in the kink and queer scenes, had a much broader view.
What Happens When We Expand Our View of Sexual Activity?
When we expand our view of sex and sexual acts, we have so many more options to fit a variety of circumstances. Not only that, but when we broaden our view of sex, we create new ways to interact and foster intimacy. We gain additional tools for negotiating in our relationships, and more skills to draw on when we need to change plans.
For people who focus on penetrative sex, it can seem like the end of the world when penetration isn’t an option for some reason. This is common among people who experience erection difficulties. When you’ve got more options in your tool kit, there are many more things you can do. Sure, there’s oral sex and hand sex. There’s also a wide variety of sex toys people can use together. What about erotic massage, or even kink practices like bondage or impact play? To expand even further, consider reading erotic literature together (or writing your own!) or watching a sexy film together. These could all be considered sexual activity too.
Expanding How We Connect With Others
For people who are in open relationships, or who like to attend kinky or sexy parties, it can be especially useful to have a expansive view of sex. When you’re clear on what sex means to you, it makes it easier to clearly negotiate with partners about what you do and don’t want to happen.
Also, consider the possibilities that open up when you have a range of ways to connect. When going on dates, sex doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You can negotiate various levels of intensity, including many that won’t leave you open to STI risks. If you’re in a long distance relationship, you can keep connected without ever touching. (Learn more in 5 Ways to Add Heat to Long Distance Love Affairs.)
Even sexting and cam play are getting more interesting with the invention of toys that can be controlled from a remote location. People think technology is making human connection a thing of the past, but it’s all about how you use it. Let your far off sweetie control your orgasms with a tap of a phone app, and you’ll have a whole new perspective, not only on technology, but on the vast range of sexual activities people can engage in.