A Day In the Life of a Professional Dominatrix

My mornings are hectic. I'm sure every mom can relate. It's a struggle to get out the door with lunches and whatever else we all need for the day, sanity intact. I drop my husband at the train station, then my son at school before settling into a quiet corner of my favorite coffee shop to work.

These quiet hours are dedicated to answering email and fielding calls from prospective, as well as repeat, clients. This is also when I pay bills, track expenses and look at my marketing. As with any small business, marketing is key. I need to reach the right clients with the right message. Simply getting my name out there, even if effective, could actually hurt my business by chasing away clients who are looking for the more exclusive service I offer. If I have time, I also try to reach out to others in my industry during these quiet morning hours. We exchange key information on clients, any new laws and regulations that might affect us, as well as deals on supplies or other pertinent business information. Mornings are also prime hours for social media. No matter what your business is, you must embrace social media.

At moments like these, I look like any other mom sitting in the corner of the local cafe working on her computer and occasionally taking quick, discreet calls. Yoga pants. No make-up. Hair a mess. If you see me later in the day, you might not recognize me. Depending on what my day will bring, I could be dressed in anything from vintage girdles and delicate silk stockings, to leather and tight corsets. My heels will be shiny and tall. My make-up and hair will be perfect.

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At least, I hope.

I am a professional Dominatrix. Some clients come to me to escape, to spend a few hours outside their norm. These clients are fun and playful. I like to push them as far, and often farther, than they thought they could go. These are the bungee jumpers and extreme sports addicts of the dungeon, and I am their personal trainer. (Learn more about the thrill that BDSM can bring in Why BDSM Is Like Skydiving.)

Some come to learn, both about themselves and their lovers. I help these people find their real selves, and understand that the desires they have don't make them evil, simply … curious. I help them understand that to one extent or another, we all have these curiosities. We just don't talk about them in polite society. These are the clients who see me and learn enough to take steps in the outside world to accomplish their sexual goals, be it attending a public play party, finding a kinky play partner, or seducing the partner they already have. To them, I am a mentor.

Like a kid watching a zoetrope, some clients have seen my marketing and their brains fill in the gaps of who and what I am. Many times my job is simply not to disturb that fantasy. They think I live a charmed life and my only big decisions are which pretty outfit to wear, or which slave to summon to attend to my every need. To these adorably delusional people, I am their goddess.

These are only a few of the roles I play in my clients' lives. Working as a professional Dominatrix means embracing your inner child and being able to explore many different roles, often on the same day. The trick is finding the roles you enjoy and being grown up enough to turn down the ones you don't. It seems counter-intuitive to turn down sessions, but disappoint one vocal client and you will lose more than one session. (The same men who seem mute when I meet them in person suddenly turn into Tom Clancy when they log into their favorite sex forum as "HardcoreAssSlave69.")

For the most part, even though I know where those boards are, it's best to ignore them. The good clients rarely post about amazing sessions. They tend to keep those to themselves fearing you will get too popular to afford. Reading it will only waste time and energy.

Not that I don't get sucked in once in a while.

At the end of a long day, exhausted both mentally and physically, I will spend another hour or so cleaning and sterilizing toys and equipment as well as restocking safer sex supplies. I don't have traditional sex with my clients, but still go through a LOT of lube, condoms and gloves. Before I leave, I gather personal toys, gifts and anything that needs to be cleaned at home, leave a portion of the cash I've collected for rent on the space I play in and head home to my family.

Once again I'm the unremarkable mom, carting a large bag onto the homebound train with the rest of the commuters, although the business equipment in my bag in considerably more ... interesting. Once home, my work isn't done. I still have phone training and more email to return after I get my son to bed. This will also be when I work on any images from photo shoots I've done. I find working on photos of myself in kinky situations is an activity reserved for home, not that I don't think the flirty barista has already pictured me in some version of those situations. No need to blow his mind by letting him know it's not just fantasy.

Finally, I'm able to curl up with my husband on the couch, where we talk about our days, his in corporate America, mine in the dungeon, and have a good laugh at how very similar they really are.