The power of love begins within ourselves. Whether you have one partner, several, or none, no relationship could be more intimate or important than the one you maintain with yourself.
Likewise, the seed of our sexuality also blooms from the soul. To blossom, it must be nourished and tended to. Consider, if you will, these 10 ways to celebrate your self-love from a sexual perspective.
We tend to treat masturbation like a casual quickie. We grab our favorite toy, head to PornHub, and wham, bam, thank you MA’AM! We’re spent.
However, it can also be invaluable – in my humble opinion – to set aside time and really indulge. Make yourself comfortable and shut off your phone.
Think about how you like to be touched when you’re making love and see how closely you can mimic it by yourself, focusing on pleasure rather than orgasm as your goal. Caress your own skin, explore every inch of your body, and slowly tiptoe down between your legs with gentle fingertips.
When you arrive and get going, close your eyes and take your time, guiding your imagination to your liking. Do whatever feels best in the moment. Make it the most sensually personal experience possible, entirely customized to your preferences.
There’s so much pressure out there for our bodies to look or behave a certain way. This is especially the case when it comes to our genitalia. Invest some time and energy in combating shameful beliefs and arbitrary expectations by focusing on what’s awesome about your body as-is.
You might even create a piece of art in devotion to the beauty of what you’ve got going on down there. Draw or paint a genital-focused self-portrait. Or, if you prefer, make it a photo session instead. Write a haiku!
Experiment with whatever celebratory medium works for you. Don’t worry about what others might think of your creation. This exercise in self-expression isn’t for the purpose of impressing others. Do you like it? That’s all that matters.
This isn’t always financially viable, but buying a new toy that you’re especially excited about can do wonders for certain facets of your sexuality. I remember the first time I bought a Wartenberg pinwheel after wanting one for years. Holy shit, that versatile toy ended up opening some kinky doors!
If you’re in the mood to treat yourself and can afford it, consider finally buying that sexy tool you’ve been eyeing for a while. Take it home and add a new dimension to how you and those you love experience pleasure.
Our sexual fantasies are incredibly personal and a common source of shame. Many people feel shyness or even fear about the salacious movies that pass through their minds.
Writing erotica can be a powerful means of getting touch with what turns you on and why you like it. You’ll have to find the right words to describe what you want to say about things like love, passion, intimacy, and sex. Sorting through these thoughts and feelings can help you focus on the aspects of your sexuality that bring you the most joy.
Get filthy with it. Why not? No one else ever has to read what you write (but they might love it if you do decide to let them).
Our bodies have a habit of holding onto stress and trauma. This applies to our genitals too. Many of us have experienced pain or pressure to perform while being touched down there. These types of memories, along with others that we associate with unpleasant sexual experiences, can get in the way of our ability to be present and feel pleasure.
A yoni or lingam massage can serve as a means of healing from these experiences. (‘Yoni’ and ‘lingam’ are Sanskrit translations for ‘vagina’ and ‘penis’, respectively.) These ancient, Tantra-rooted practices will allow you to fully relax and explore your body in a slow, sensual way without any pressure to perform. The goal here is not to achieve orgasm (though it’s all good if it happens), but to create a more intimate relationship with your sexual center.
You don’t need a partner to experience yoni or lingam massage. A trained therapist near you can provide you with the experience, either at their studio or in the privacy of your own home. You might also consider taking a course and learning how to do yoni or lingam massage on yourself. Grab yourself some massage and body oil and have fun!
The clothes we wear can have a potent influence on how we feel about ourselves. When it comes to sexuality, a slinky piece of lingerie or even a new accessory (like maybe a necklace that doubles as a whip!) can light up our libido and do wonders for our self-confidence. The feel of silky or sheer fabric on skin provides a constant reminder of our sexual power.
Lingerie can be worn just as much for our own pleasure as others’. In celebration of your inherent hotness, spend some time decked out in whatever makes you feel sexy. Even if it’s hidden beneath your clothes and no one else sees it, you’ll know what’s going on under there. Revel in those vibrant feelings of elegance or naughtiness throughout your day.
Our nether regions get a great workout from sex and masturbation, but there are other ways to take this even further for greater benefits. You may have heard of Kegels, a system of clench-and-release routines designed to strengthen the pelvic floor in order to support the uterus, bladder, small intestine, and rectum. A regular Kegel practice can not only help you manage or prevent health problems like incontinence or erectile dysfunction, but can also lead to better, more powerful orgasms.
Kegels are simple, easy to learn, and can be discreetly done from anywhere. Take a trip over to YouTube and check out some of the free videos on offer for instructions. There are kegel toys out there that can help strengthen your pelvic floor too. Try a pair of Ben Wa balls or a yoni egg for serious yoni weightlifting assistance.
Sometimes it feels like there’s a vague expectation for us to be automatically adept at certain bedroom activities, like giving oral sex or making anal play a fun experience. The fact is, no matter how sensually intuitive you are, no one is born with flawless sexual skills. It takes time, experience, and knowledge of our partners to learn how to please them.
Taking an online course, enrolling in a workshop, or hiring a sex coach can help boost our abilities in these areas. Think about any realms of your sexuality where you might benefit from a bit of objective third-party advice. For instance, if you’re interested in domination, but aren’t sure how to handle it, see if you can connect with a mentor who can act as your guide while you learn. Investing the time and energy to boost your confidence in these skills can create countless new possibilities for joy.
We’ve all got a number of delicious things we’d like to try at some point during our sex lives. Which activities are at the top of your unique list? Maybe you’d like to try fucking in front of an audience or making homemade porn during a night of fun with your partner.
In celebration of your self-love, see if you can knock one of these desires out of the park. Can any of them be done solo? Are there people in your life who might like to try the others with you? New sexual experiences aren’t just exciting and arousing, but are a great path to learning and personal development too.
Healthy, positive self-talk is integral to self-love and good mental health. Unfortunately, it’s easy to slip into negative self-talk when it comes to our bodies and desires.
“I hate my boobs.”
“My fantasies are odd and extreme. I must be a bad person.”
“I’m such a weirdo. Why would anyone love me?”
If you catch these kinds of thoughts running through your mind, see if you can flip the script with a more objective approach.
“Boobs of all sizes are great, including mine. They look lovely!”
“Tons of people enjoy extreme fantasies. What a creative imagination I have!”
“What does ‘normal’ even mean, anyway? My idiosyncrasies make me unique.”
You might even put an erotic spin on it to seduce yourself…
“Goddamn, look at those beautiful titties. I am gloriously sexy, goddammit!”
If you make this a habit, insulting yourself will begin to feel counterintuitive, and rightfully so. After all, what’s ‘attractive’ to us is simply a reflection of our values, experiences, and perspective. Speak to yourself in a way that honors your inherent right to self-love.
Do any of these ideas appeal to you? Can you think of any other sexy ways to celebrate your self-love this summer? Give them a try and go with whatever makes you feel amazing. You deserve it!
PRESENTED BY
Molly Lazarus is a kink and sexuality writer based in the Bay Area. She dreams of a world where consent-loving hedonists can explore the depths of their depravity without fear of persecution or sexual abuse.
