Sex Blogger of the Month: Sunny Megatron

We are thrilled to announce this month's Sex Blogger of the Month because she is also our most recent Sex Blogging Superhero! Now, we don't exactly "pick" the winner of our Superheroes contest. We have specific criteria, our staff ranks each blog according to those criteria, we plug all that into a spreadsheet and, voila, the list is generated. But, boy, were we pumped to see Sunny at the top of that list. We've been honored to have Sunny as an author and ally for a few years now. She's a long-time sex educator, sex toy reviewer, blogger, podcaster and, most recently, TV star. Not only is she fun and funny and engaging - she also knows ALL the things when it comes to sex, sex toys and some of our readers' favorite kinky topics, like electrosex and orgasm denial. You can (and should) check out all the cool projects Sunny's juggling over at her website and blog, Sunnymegatron.com.

OK. But enough of the groupie fangirling over here. Here are Sunny's answers to our questions about her blog.

Kinkly: Give us three words that describe your blog.

Sunny: Honest, relatable, funny.

Kinkly: What inspired you to start the blog?

Sunny: I grew up in the '80s. It was the “just say no” generation and that’s how everyone in my life viewed sexuality. As a woman, I was repeatedly given subtle (and not so subtle) messages: if I wanted sex, I was a “slut”, if I didn’t I was “frigid” or a “tease.” When making out, I should say no a few times even if I mean yes, because that’s what “proper” girls do. Movies and TV glorified men that tricked women into sex. They also normalized grand gestures of love that today we’d consider creepy. As a result of all this, I was incredibly out of touch with myself sexually and romantically. Not only did I not know how to establish boundaries, I had no clue that I had a right to them! I found myself in two not-so-great, back-to-back long-term relationships spanning 18 years. The last one of eight years was incredibly abusive.

When I was in college I took all of the Human Sexuality courses I could and minored in Women’s Studies (what would be called Gender Studies now). For a time I wanted to make sex ed my profession. I knew back then there were key things about sexuality/gender that were missing from my life and from society at large. I told friends and family I “wanted to be like Dr. Ruth”. Their reaction was not what I anticipated. A profession centered around sex was “sleazy” and “perverted”. According to my family it wasn’t something a “nice” girl like me should even consider. Even the general field of psychology was poo-pooed by them. So I changed my major to marketing (because it still dealt with psychology, sneaky huh?) to appease my family. I spent 17 years working for a top ad agency in Chicago.

By the time I hit 35 I was single for the first time in my adult life. I was hungry for the things I had slowly pieced together in the years leading up to that point. I began to explore kink, develop my own sexual agency, work through lifelong shame, and deprogram from myths I was taught were true. During the years prior I continued to read books about sexology. I also talked a lot about sex and relationships with friends. This was about the time the first sex blogs popped up on the internet. My friends started suggesting I get into sex blogging. Even my boss at work kept pressing me about it! I never thought I could do something like that and brushed off their comments. . . until I was laid off from my job of 17 years. It still took another couple of years for me to gather up the courage but in 2010 I started sunnymegatron.com. I had learned so many life-changing things while working on myself and continuing to self-study. I also had two daughters and didn’t want them to grow up in a world like I did. I felt I had to share what I had learned with the world.

At this time I also started working as a sexuality and kink educator leading “sex tours” every weekend with Weird Chicago Tours. My then boyfriend and now husband, Ken, owned the company and had been a kink educator for years. Although the blog is mainly my own writing, Ken and I teamed up and started teaching/edutaining together around this same time. By 2014, we had a TV show on Showtime! I’m still pinching myself over how quickly that happened!

Kinkly: What’s behind the name?

Sunny: My real first name is Sunshine so Sunny comes from that. Being I have an unusual name and a history that includes stalking and abusive exes, anonymity was very important to me. I also wanted to control my google results for a few reasons: a) just in case the career move to sex ed didn't work out and I had to go back to corporate work, b) if my association with sex ed somehow negatively impacted my kids and c) for all our safety (yes, I sometimes get death threats because people think I'm doing "the Devils work").

I wish there was a great story behind the last name Megatron but the reality is I randomly picked it on a whim because I liked the way it sounded! I did a bit of research and found it was only trademarked in the toy category which made it fair game for me to use as a name and trademark as my own.

Kinkly: Who’s your target reader?

Sunny: My key demographic tends to be married, often with kids. They are typically looking to make kink fantasies a reality or to spice up a sex life that’s become routine and stale. I also have quite a few readers that are where I was when I started my journey. They are women in the midst of their “first midlife crisis” (that’s the tongue-in-cheek name I gave mine). They have just come to the realization that something’s been missing from their sex lives and they can no longer ignore it.

Kinkly: What’s unique about your blog?

Sunny: My readers say what draws them to me is my down-to-earth, relatable way of explaining things. I have a knack for destigmatizing BDSM, the use of sex toys, and sexual experimentation in general. I absolutely love teaching and helping people feel accepted and worthy - that comes across in my blog.

Kinkly: What is the topic you find yourself covering most often and why?

Sunny: Although I focus on many different sexual techniques and do some toy reviews too, kink/BDSM are recurring topics. I’m a BDSM Dominant in my own life and kink/psychological play is what I most enjoy when it comes to sexuality. I put a lot of focus on helping people get in touch with their authentic sexual selves, whether kinky or vanilla. I also address communicating with partners about sex quite often.

Kinkly: What was your most popular post ever? Why do you think it drew so many readers?

Sunny: Although many visit my blog to find out about sex toys and kink, it’s the old classics that really draw the crowds. My articles on G-spot pleasure and prostate play are hands down the most visited year after year. I find a similar trend when Ken and I teach. We offer plenty of intermediate level and advanced BDSM classes and they are always very well attended. However, even at kink-focused events, it’s the more vanilla sexual technique classes like G-spot and P-spot that are the most popular.

Kinkly: What’s the best thing about writing a sex blog?

Sunny: The best thing about writing a sex blog is giving people the permission they crave to be their most authentic selves. When it comes down to it, that’s what we all want. Whether we are kinky or not, it all boils down to the same common denominators: We want to be ourselves without hesitation, judgment, or shame. We want to be accepted, appreciated and understood by those we are most intimate with. We want to be happy. The fact that I can help people find that within themselves is so humbling and rewarding. When I get messages that people's lives were changed for the better or a marriage was saved - wow! That’s amazing!

Kinkly: What’s the worst thing about it?

Sunny: Maintaining a sex blog isn’t glamorous and it doesn’t pay well. Even with the teaching I do and the media exposure I have, it’s peanuts. It doesn’t come with health insurance, 401k, or paid sick and vacation days either. I work seven days a week often for 12 hours or more a stretch. It can be exhausting. As I’ve gotten older and my responsibilities have increased, I’ve turned more to videos and podcasting with Ken on our new podcast, American Sex. Writing drains my brain (I also have menopause brain now - yes, that’s a thing!) and leaves me much more exhausted than talking does. I find I can produce more in a shorter amount of time with audio and video and it’s a bit less stressful. All my podcast episodes and videos are on my blog too!.

Kinkly: OK, now for the good stuff: Give us your best tip for great sex.

Sunny: The first step to having great sex is working on yourself. Work on shedding your shame, knowing your body, examining your desires and boundaries, etc. (Filling out yes/no/maybe lists solo are great for this!)

After that - throw away the rules (or at least what you think are the rules). Certain rules in sex are non-negotiable. Things centered around consent are the bulk of that. But others? Who says you have to be mean and wear black if you’re a BDSM dominant? Who says the only way to squirt is to make a “come hither” motion with your fingers? Who says that The SuperSuckinator is the best sex toy ever (not a real toy but I now I kinda wish it was!)? There aren’t many one-size-fits-all, hard-and-fast rules when it comes to sex play. There are suggestions, there are likelihoods, there are stereotypes and there are flat-out myths. What you prefer may not resemble any of these things and that’s OK. What you prefer may also change from day to day or year to year and that’s OK too. You and your partners get to make the rules and change them together as you see fit. So think outside the box a little; don’t be so hyperfocused on “doing it right” or “what other people might think”. Sex is play. It’s often silly and joyful, and it has infinite possibilities and outcomes. Enjoy the journey and don’t sweat the small stuff.