FemmeFunn Vortex Wireless Turbo: Sex Toy Review

The Product: FemmeFunn Vortex Wireless Turbo Shaft

The Verdict: (out of five)

I still remember my first vibrator. It was a rabbit-style vibrator, and the tip of the insertable shaft made huge circles when inserted. In fact, back then (around 12 years ago, now?!?!), almost all rabbit vibrators were designed with these rotating heads - vibrations and specialized-for-g-spot-tips weren't all that "in" yet.

I also remember that that first vibrator was made from some horribly stinky jelly, and when I lost it under the bed, I "found" it partially melted to a t-shirt - and completely dyed the color of the t-shirt too. There's the importance of having body-safe sex toys there, folks.

The FemmeFunn Vortex series takes everything I enjoyed about that old-school design - but with the quality and body-safe design we expect from our toys nowadays. Not only that, but as the Femme Funn Vortex series offers three different toys, you can pretty much "pick and choose" your favorite design of the three - and all of them will include that unique rotating head too!

Let's meet our Vortex sex toys from FemmeFunn:

• If you fondly remember the rotating rabbits of ol', the Wireless Turbo Rabbit is probably the Vortex sex toy for you. In addition to the realistic, rotating shaft, this Vortex vibrator includes a vibrating clitoral pleasurer with two "rabbit ear" ticklers off the end of it.
  
• Alternatively, if you don't want the clitoral attachment - but do want the most realistic look possible, the Vortex Wireless Turbo Baller is the exact same shaft design - but with prominent, realistic testicles at the base. Since the testicles at the base are slightly lower than where the clitoral arm is, you get more usable insertable length with the Turbo Baller than you do with the Turbo Rabbit.
  
• And finally, we have the FemmeFunn Vortex Wireless Turbo Shaft. This is the "simplest" of the three - with just a shaft attached to a suction cup with a flared base. This simple design makes it the best rotating dildo for using in a strap-on harness. There isn't any extra "stuff" to get in the way of comfortable use in a strapon harness. In addition, this also means the FemmeFunn Wireless Turbo Shaft also offers the most length for penetration; there's nothing else to reduce it.

All three varieties come with a wireless remote control (to easily control the toy during use - no awkward reaching or pausing of the action required!) a Boost button (to instantly increase the intensity to really push you over the edge!), a rechargeable and waterproof design, and 8 pleasure modes of vibration mixed with rotation.

The FemmeFunn Vortex Wireless Turbo Shaft review is what you're reading today; that's the one I have! I had some pretty darn high hopes for this thing - since the FemmeFunn Booster Bullet and the FemmeFunn Booster Rabbit are both Kinkly Shop favorites with good reviews.

So let's dig into it.

via GIPHYHow'd You Use It?

The first thing I noticed when I pulled the Wireless Turbo Shaft out of the box was just the length. This is one of the longest dildos I own at this diameter. It's not a short dildo at all - but the diameter/width of the toy is still relatively slender towards the tip. I think it's even slimmer than my partner's own biological penis. (It gets much thicker towards the base with a thickness that ends around 1.9" in diameter at the bases.)

This puts it in a unique category. Very rarely can you find toys that are this slim at this length. For me, personally, the length was TOO long, but a quick addition of our OhNuts solved that really fast. Since all of the vibrations and rotation are focused at the tip, I don't miss out on any of the enjoyable sensations I'm going for with this Vortex dildo - but I do get to ensure that the penetration depth stays at a depth that's comfortable for me. (I love my OhNuts...read the review!)

The rotations and vibrations of the Vortex are pretty freakin' fantastic though. I find them most pleasurable with shallower penetration, but I like the fact that the dildo also has the length to provide it with deeper penetration for those who want that. I haven't found that the rotations hit my g-spot like the manufacturer claims, but I also have a deeper g-spot, and I imagine you'd need to have a shallower g-spot (or p-spot) in order to let the Vortex rotating silicone vibrator reach your spot. ("Shallow" as in not too far away from the path of the inserted object - not "shallow" as in "closest to the entrance")

The remote control really helps the FemmeFunn Vortex vibrating and rotating dildo seamlessly integrate into our sex life. I was honestly surprised by how well the two pair together. The dildo's large size means public play isn't on the table, so the remote control just had to be good enough in order to function in the bedroom - and it does that flawlessly. It does it across the bedroom with the toy inserted - and it does it just fine while sitting next to one another.

The buttons on the remote provide a nice, satisfying "click" that lets you know that the command was executed - even if you can't hear the buzz of the toy or aren't the one feeling the sensations. The two pair well together in seconds - and I even managed to pair them fine when I couldn't find the instruction manual: just press and hold the power button on both of them, and then they seamlessly talk to one another. It's a very simple, pleasant experience - exactly how remote control should be.

I have noticed a bit of a connection delay when the remote or dildo gets a bit low on power. So I definitely recommend keeping them both as charged-up as possible when you plan to use the remote; it seems to make the two pair better together.

One of my biggest concerns with any rotating toys like this is if the motor jams. I've had some seriously terrible rabbit vibes where the rabbit's motor jammed up as soon as I clenched because I was enjoying myself. The FemmeFunn Vortex can fall victim to that too, at the lower settings, but it's mostly a fixable problem. There's one point along the mid-point of the shaft where tight pressure can cause the motor to slow down. However, if you experiment with depth (penetrating less or further in) it can help move this jam-sensitive area away from the strongest muscles at the vaginal opening.

When I experienced the motor slowing down, I pulled the dildo out a bit more - and the motor resumed happily. I tried going a bit deeper next time it happened and while my body wasn't as comfortable that way, the rotations did happily resume again.

That being said, none of that matters when the toy is in Turbo mode. While tightness may affect the motor speed on the lower settings, Turbo seems to give no fucks, and it will rotate for 10 seconds no matter what obstacles you throw at it. I even tried putting the entirety of my (not small) thigh on top of the dildo. It still rotated in Turbo mode. Turbo mode is no joke.

I will say that I'm a bit saddened by the fact that the vibrations and the rotations are partnered together in all of the control options. There's no way to use JUST the rotations or JUST the vibrations. You always get the packaged deal. There are no ways to just get one or the other. I would have loved to have seen them split out to make this dildo a bit more multifunctional for days when you wanted only vibrations or wanted only rotations.

On that note, though, the included patterns are kinda neat. You don't just have the standard bzzt-bzzt patterns that most manufacturers include as "patterns". Between the rotations and the vibrations, the patterns on the FemmeFunn rotating silicone dildo really mix things up nicely.

1: Slowest rotations - steady vibes
2: Medium rotations - steady vibes
3: Fastest rotations - steady vibes
4: Rotations with dot-dot-dot-dot-dot vibrations
5: Jerky-ish rotations with dot-dot-dash vibrations
6: Slow rotations with dot-dot-dot-dot-dot that then transitions into steady vibrations and fastest rotations
7: Slowest rotations for a bit then medium rotations for a bit
8: Fastest rotations for five pulses and a pause - then slow rotations down to none - then repeat

Then you have the turbo button which includes the extremely high-powered vibrations and ridiculously wild rotations. Then the vibrator will go back to whatever pattern you were on (1-8) again. The Turbo mode is much, much stronger than anything else this rotating dildo offers; even the strongest standard setting is no match for the Turbo mode.

I'd have to guess the Turbo is a temporary (10 second) setting because it's too taxing on the mechanical parts to be a constant setting - otherwise, it's kinda odd that it isn't a constant setting. You can keep pressing the Turbo button as much as you want (if you need it), but it definitely seems to be designed for a temporary, 10 second boost of intensity. And for that, it really works. If I'm having problems getting over the edge, that's pretty much a guarantee to get me there. (Now I'm really imagining an air suction vibrator with something similar. That sounds glorious.)

Something about realistic designs on dildos makes me assume they'll be really plushy and semi lifelike. In most cases, that's entirely the case - especially because most dildos don't have any internal parts that need to be stuffed inside the dildo. That isn't the case with the FemmeFunn Vortex Wireless Turbo Shaft, though. Since the dildo is stuffed full of all sorts of mechanical things (vibrations AND rotation mechanics), the FemmeFunn Vortex Wireless Turbo Shaft is a little more firm than expected where it counts - during insertion.

With your fingers, the Vortex Wireless Turbo Shaft is actually a bit plushy. You can easily squeeze it between your fingers, and it has a lot of give. It won't bend - at all - but the outer layer of softer material will squish around your fingers.

This rigid design has some benefits and some downsides. The biggest downside is that, well, it's rigid. It feels more rigid than pretty much all of my realistic dildos - but it's still not as rigid as anything like the We-Vibe Rave or Satisfyer Multifun 3. It has a lot more plushiness than that, but something about realistic-looking toys being so rigid is always slightly off-kilter for me.

The biggest benefit of this rigidity is that the dildo slides in really nicely - and it doesn't slide back out accidentally. Unlike a lot of the realistic dildos that can "fold in" on themselves when under pressure, the Wireless Turbo Shaft doesn't do that at all. It stands strong - no matter where you're inserting it. This is especially helpful for strap-on harness use where you may not have sensation (or a visual) on what you're doing with the dildo. You pretty much point it into place, start applying pressure, and it's definitely going to go in the hole. It won't bend or slide away from the spot as pressure is applied. It's easily a one-handed insertion. No need to support the length or guide it into place. And that is definitely an awesome bonus for pegging.

True, you can hold it in your hand - the suction cup base makes that easy. But where the Wireless Turbo Shaft really excels? Strap-on harness use. The harness-compatible base, body-safe material, AND the fact it offers rotations and easy-penetration means there is pretty much nothing else like it in the sex toy sphere. While the other Vortex toys can be strapped on, they're a bit harder to strap-on whereas the Wireless Turbo Shaft's lack of testicles and extra arm attachments makes it slide into a harness easily.How Else Could It Be Used?

The Wireless Turbo Shaft is also fully waterproof. This means it can come into the shower with you - and can function with its suction cup in the shower during use too. It also means that the Wireless Turbo Shaft Vortex dildo is also very squirter-friendly. You're unlikely to harm it with bodily fluids in any manner - though you might want something like the Liberator Fascinator Throw to help protect the bedding.

If you're not into using the suction cup or want a bit more "reliability" with something that's not dependent on suction, the FemmeFunn Vortex Wireless Turbo Shaft (and its testicularly-enhanced counterpart) are perfect for use with Liberator sex furniture like the Liberator BonBon. They can slide inside the shape to easily be held in place without worrying about the suction cup's power.Product Details

The FemmeFunn Vortex Wireless Turbo Shaft was clearly modeled after a biological penis. It's a little bit more of a caricature of a human penis - since I don't think I've ever seen so many seriously pronounced veins with sunken skin around them on a penis ...ever. So, I'd say "inspired by" a biological penis more-so than necessarily being entirely realistic.

Adding to this "realistic" design is the material choice for the Vortex Wireless Turbo Shaft. The silicone is decently plushy. While you can't escape the reality of a semi-rigid lower-half of the dildo where the mechanical areas are located, FemmeFunn tried their best to ensure the part that might be most-likely to poke into you (the tip) was designed with more plushiness. The tip is very plushy while the upper half of the dildo has enough plushiness to be squeezed. The bottom half of the shaft is definitely the most rigid without much plush to speak of. You can literally squeeze the middle of the dildo and feel exactly where the rotating tip begins and the mechanics end - there's an area of super-soft material.

Attached to the base of this realistic dildo is the suction cup base. This suction cup base is a flared base in addition to, well, being a suction cup. The suction cup aspect allows you to stick it to flat surfaces for hands-free play while the flared base design allows it to easily strap into a strapon harness. This suction cup works fantastically, honestly, and I've suctioned it to tables, the tiled shower wall, and even my laptop during this review (for a hilarious video I sent to a friend. The rotation was intense enough on Turbo that it was moving my entire laptop.)

Since the suction cup design is "hollow" underneath it (to make the suction cup), I wouldn't necessarily recommend the Vortex Wireless Turbo Shaft as a great dildo base that will provide clitoral sensations to grind against when using it for pegging. Since the base is concave, the grinding areas are pretty absent (and this is a toy where you'd definitely want to use the BumpHer or Shagger pegging base if hoping for clitoral sensations during pegging).

Despite rotating and vibrating, the FemmeFunn Vortex rotating dildo isn't particularly loud. It's (obviously) loudest on the Turbo setting, but it's still a gentle hum when inserted. It's a sound that easily fades into the background, and you might forget that you're hearing it at all. It isn't whining or grating. Even if the motor catches, it doesn't make a grinding noise or anything. It's surprisingly quiet in the scheme of things, and I have non-rotating toys that are much louder than this. With the door shut and a bit of ambient music/television on, this is easily discreet.

As mentioned above, the vibrations and the rotations move together. There is no way to control each individually; you just get the eight patterns (plus turbo mode) that are programmed into the FemmeFunn Vortex rotating dildo.

The rotations, as mentioned above, are surprisingly sturdy. While you can jam them up on the lowest settings with specific placement of the dildo, moving the dildo around usually unjams it, and the stronger settings don't really get jammed at all.

While the rotations are very much centered on the top-half of the dildo, you do get a bit of movement near the base as well. It's mostly just from the momentum of the top half, and you likely won't see much of it during use, but you can see what I'm talking about on some of the GIFs. Expect the rotations to focus on the top 3.5"-ish inches of the dildo near the tip.

The vibrations are really not as powerful as most vibrators - but you presumably didn't pick up the FemmeFunn Vortex on vibrations alone. The vibrations seem like they're designed as a complement to the rotations rather than a shining star on their own. Vibrations seem to be centered about 3" from the tip of the dildo - around that area underneath the faux folds of skin near the head and right inside of the base of the rotating tip. The vibrations are pretty middle-of-the-road vibrations, and if they were unpartnered with the rotations and the insertable-design of this toy, I'd say that they probably aren't strong enough for most people to achieve clitoral orgasms with them. Since they're inside of a rotating toy designed for penetration, that's not nearly as important.

What's most important is the placement of the vibrations, and since the vibrations are focused on the rotating tip of the dildo, you get vibrations right in the spot that is experiencing the most sensation. The vibrations travel throughout the dildo, and while they're much weaker at the base, they're still about 80% as powerful throughout the rest of the shaft.

FemmeFunn Wireless Turbo Shaft Measurements

Length: 8.4"
Diameter at the Tip: 1.43"
Circumference at the Tip: 4.5"
Diameter at the Base: 1.9"
Circumference at the Base: 6"
Insertable Length: 7.25"