Strap-On (Fore) Play

Whenever the subject of strap-on blow jobs comes up, people often ask, "what’s the point?" But I think this reaction is unfortunate and symptomatic of our particularly goal-oriented and orgasm-oriented culture.

The fact is, strap-on oral is a great way to start playing with strap-on sex. When you’re new to strap-on play it can seem awkward. If you're a woman and haven’t practiced thrusting for most of your life, then those muscles simply aren’t as developed as someone's who has. Strap-on oral sex also offers a lot of positional versatility and the act itself is a lot less taxing. Here are a few things to consider before you start sucking (or blowing). Material MattersMake sure any toy you’re using is made of body-safe materials, like silicone, and make sure toys are washed between uses, especially if they’re shared between partners. Condoms are a great way to help with sanitation and clean up, and they often come in flavors that can be the perfect complement to strap-on oral. If a condom is going in your mouth, go for the non-lubricated kind and add the flavored lube of your choice if desired. Note that many flavored lubes contain glycerin, which may contribute to yeast infection for those who are susceptible to them. So, if it’s also going in a vagina, make sure your lube is body-safe. (Read Sex Toy Safety: A Guide to Materials for more sanitary tips).Everyone's UniqueThere is no universal "right way" to perform a sex act. Everybody's body and preferences are different. People often look for that secret tip or technique that will blow their partner’s mind in the bedroom, but the single best piece of sex advice is to communicate with your partner. In order for great sex to happen, you need to talk to your partner and find out what they like. You also need to feel empowered to ask for what you like.

When communicating, it’s helpful to know that some questions will glean more valuable information than others. Simply asking "do you like this?" or "is this OK?" won’t get you much feedback. On the other hand, questions like "would this be better if I did it harder or softer," or even simply, "what would make this better?" are likely to give you the information you need to improve the experience. (Check out Why We Should All Be Talking About Sex A Lot More Often for more on the importance of communication).Performance Can Be Sexy Don’t underestimate the power of the mind. The performative aspects of sex can engage the mind in the same way that good porn or erotica does. Think about the details. Think about the way the positioning of your body will appear to your partner. The sight of someone on their knees, for example, can be a big turn on, especially if it's a reversal of your traditional roles.

As an intimacy educator, one of the most common things I teach in classes is to slow down. People are in such a rush to get off that they miss out on the intimacy and connection-building potential of so many sexual and sensual acts. Performing an act that is very unlikely to lead to orgasm, like blowing a strap-on, is a great exercise in the performative and connective aspects of sexuality. Any sex act, at its best, is an experience for the full body and especially for the mind. The brain is the biggest sex organ, after all. That’s why the whole performance - body language, eye contact, and the noises you make - is incredibly important to the overall pleasure of both the giver and the receiver.