What to Do When You’re Triggered During Sex

You’re turned on and enjoying sexy heat with a partner when it hits you: emotional paralysis. The need to rush out the heck out of there. Or an intense urge to fight. Your heart might pound as sweat coats your palms. You might feel nauseated, dizzy or all-around tense.

In other words, you’ve been triggered, smack in the middle of sex. Reminded of something traumatic you’ve endured, your mind and body react as though the event is happening, or could soon happen, all over again. While these occurrences are anything but fun, they’re both common and nothing to be ashamed of.

Triggers can spur the body’s fight, flight or freeze reactions in trauma survivors, of whom there are many. More than 8 million adults in the U.S. have post-traumatic stress disorder, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, and an estimated 70% of Americans go through a significant trauma at some point.

If you’re struggling to cope with the after-effects of trauma on your own, please seek whatever support you can, knowing that growth and healing are possible. If you find yourself feeling triggered during sex, consider the following steps.

Read: I'm drawn to submission but also find it triggering. What can I do?Practice Self-Awareness

Mindfulness is undoubtedly helpful during sex, and especially so when triggers rear their heads. Shamyra Howard, a sex therapist, clinical social worker and owner of On the Green Couch in Baton Rouge, suggests paying attention to how your body responds to particular activities in the moment.

One simple way to do so involves intentional check-ins with yourself. Literally think to yourself, “How does this feel? What do I need right now to feel safer and more secure?” Then act on your needs, even if they don’t seem to make rational sense just yet. If you need to take a break, ask for a hug or put on a robe and step outdoors, do so. If you wish, continue processing your feelings by journaling or talking things out with someone you trust soon after.

“If a particular activity, like holding hands, has become a trigger, you can work with a fear hierarchy,” said Nicole Prause, founder of Liberos, who has a research paper on trauma and couples' sexuality under review. “You have a list of some behaviors that approximate the trigger (e.g., hands being close to each other, touching fingertips, overlapping fingertips, etc.) and you wait and engage in relaxation with each step up the fear hierarchy, however long it takes, to eliminate your anxiety at earlier steps.”Try a Grounding Technique

Grounding techniques rely on the five senses - sight, smell, sound, taste and touch - to reconnect you with the here and now. Adina Mahalli, a certified mental health consultant specializing in trauma therapy with Maple Holistics, considers these efforts extremely helpful for coping with triggers during sexual encounters.

“Concentrate on each of your five senses individually,” she said. “Consciously describe something you are seeing, feeling, smelling [and] hearing, and one good thing about yourself. This will help to bring you back to the present and not into your own mind reliving your traumatic event.”