Sexual lubricants are inexpensive and easy to come by, but it's a luxury in the way it makes you feel.
I'm not sure where lubricant marketing went wrong. Instead of the everyday person assuming lubricant is a must-have, mainstream views of lubricants are often seen as an "above and beyond" purchases to solve a problem or specific issue in the bedroom.
But when it comes to sex, slickness and lubrication is kinda one of the most important properties!
Stroking off a penis by yourself? Slickness can help it feel better.
Trying to flick the clitoris? Quite a few people say that slippery fingers feel better.
Inserting a dildo? You guessed it: external lubrication will help that process feel so much better.
Having vaginal intercourse with a partner? Slickness can help it feel better.
Anal intercourse with a partner? Not only is slickness going to make it feel better, but it's actually required! There's nothing in the anal area that makes any slickness for itself.
There are very few things that sexual lubricant doesn't enhance. (The floor of the shower during shower sex is one of the few. One of the very, very few.)
But instead of being seen as the must-have item for sexual enjoyment, a lot of people assume that lube is this last resort for when saliva or vaginal lubrication won't cut it. I even have this memory of my mother bragging to us kids, while we walked past the family planning aisle in the supermarket, that she "never needed that stuff".
Now that I'm an adult myself, I look back on that impressionable moment with a bit of anger - and a whole lot of sadness. Where did lubricant education go wrong - and why is it that some people feel lubes are this "last resort" - instead of a vital part of pleasure for a good chunk of sexual activity?
Just look at some of the ways that sexual lubes can help you. Add lube to:
- Enjoy anal sex.
- Enjoy any anal sensations, really!
- Achieve comfortable penetration during quickies.
- Enjoy penetration during aquatic sex.
- Slip in sex toys with a matte/grippy texture.
- Have intercourse that's comfortable no matter what time of the month it is.
- Achieve different sensations while stroking a penis or clitoris/vulva.
- Keep kegel balls or butt plugs comfy in their respective holes.
- Provide massages - genital or otherwise!
- Reduce friction-burn during any sexual activity.
- Shine up your favorite latex outfits.
- ...and in a pinch, make that stupid door stop squeaking!
So, this is my plea as a sex educator: try out some lube. It can make the activities you already enjoy even more pleasurable - and it can open the door to activities you hadn't thought were possible.
Hoping you've taken my plea to heart, though, we're now at a point where you have to figure out which lube. And okay, I won't blame you if that's the part where you get stuck. Analysis paralysis is a thing, and I am intimately familiar with that one.
To start understanding the world of lubricants, it helps to understand some of the basic types of lubricant. I tend to think of it as cuisine styles. If you wanted to eat something spicy, you might be better off heading to a Mexican restaurant instead of Mediterranean restaurant - and that's something you've likely learned over time and with experience. It's the same way with sexual lubricants!
So, let me walk you through the basics so you can get just enough info under your belt to start trying things for yourself.
Water-Based Lubricants
Water makes up the majority of the ingredient list with any water-based lubricant (hence, water "based"). Water-based are your general, all-around lubes that can do virtually anything. Really, anything. They play well with all sex toys and all safer sex items - and most formulations are considered friendly to the vaginal flora.
Water-based lubes are also your "worry-free" option for fabrics, impact play toys, and other items in your house. While other types of lubes can stain (or be really difficult to clean up), water-based simply cleans up with a bit of scrubbing and water. Simple!
Because water-based lubricants are so approachable, the cheapest option, and the most popular type of lubricant, the market is flooded with them. Because "water" is such a simple ingredient to work with, this also means that that same market has so many different, proprietary blends to work with.
Read: Slip Slidin' Away: Glycerine in Lube
Grabbing a bottle Wicked Jelle, for example, is going to feel entirely different than LELO Personal Moisturizer - and that's a good thing! Manufacturers adjust the ingredients inside your water-based lube to pull out different sensations. The Wicked Jelle, for instance, has more thickening agents so it comes out like a puffy jelly - where you've probably seen other water-based lubes that come out more like a thin stream of water. It's all about what you want out of your lube!
I know this isn't the "simple" answer you want, but you'll likely need to spend a bit of time finding your favorite lube.
Water-Based Lubricants Pros and Cons
Pros:
- Easy to find
- Compatible with safer sex items
- Compatible with all sex toys
- Lowest priced options
- Most varieties considered friendly to the vagina
- Washes away in water (easy clean-up!)
Cons:
- Dries up the fastest
- Tons of proprietary blends makes for higher likelihood of allergens
- Washes away in water (not for aquatic sex!)
Silicone-Based Lubricant
While silicone-based lubricants aren't as popular as water-based lubricants, they're still a contender for bedside table space. As the name implies, silicone-based lubricants use silicones as their "base"; since silicones are more expensive than water (who'd have guessed!), you can expect silicone-based lubricants to run you quite a bit more, cost-wise, than water-based lubes.
However, silicone-based lubricants make up for that in their staying power. Whereas water-based lubricants require constant applications, silicone-based lubes stick around for a long, long, long time. Depending on the silicone-based lube you choose, you might only need a reapplication every 30 minutes.
Silicone-based lubricants also tend to be much, much thinner than the majority of water-based lubricants. You'll have a hard time finding fluffy, gel-like consistencies. This thinner consistency lends itself well to another one of silicone-based lubricant's benefits: it slickens without blocking. It's hard to explain without trying the different varieties, but water-based lubricant can feel like leaves a fluffy layer of lubrication on your skin - which is awesome in its own way! But for people who want to feel the texture of skin-on-skin, silicone-based lubricants add slickness without adding any extra film on top of the skin.
Read: 10 Reasons Why Silicone Lube is the Ultimate Bedside Sex Condiment
If you're into shower sex (or water masturbation like with the Waterslyde!), silicone-based lubes are going to be one of your besties. While water-based lubes easily wash away with water, silicone-based lubes stick around until you add in some soap. This can make them a great fit for shower sex positions or water masturbation. Just avoid getting it on the floor of the bathtub or shower. It's just as slippery down there as on your bodies!
Silicone-based lubricants do have one achilles heel: they may not be compatible with your favorite sex toys. Silicone may not play well with other types of silicone. This means that using silicone lubricant on your silicone sex toy may cause the toy's material to react - and gum up. (It's not pleasant!) Other manufacturers, even if their toy isn't made from silicone, require water-based lubricants to be used with their products; using a silicone-based lubricant with their toys may invalidate your warranty.
Silicone-Based Lubricants Pros and Cons
Pros
- Long staying power
- Compatible with safer sex barriers
- Adds slickness without adding plushness; your skin still retains all of its texture and friction
- For extremely sensitive skin, silicone-based lubricants have fewer additives/varieties which can make them more comfortable choices to avoid allergens
Cons