Want to Last Longer? It's Called Stamina Training and It's Exactly What It Sounds Like It Is

OK, here’s a little exercise for people with penises: Imagine your ideal sexual encounter. It could be a long, touch-heavy session or it could be a fast and furious, passion-filled romp. Maybe you’re thinking of a hot fetish scene, or a languid, Sunday morning. Regardless of the scenario, there is likely one aspect of each situation that, in your mind, you have complete control over...

Stamina.

One of the most deeply-rooted sexual beliefs our current sex culture proliferates is that a long time is a good time. When it comes to penetration, that penis better stay hard and pumping until everyone is done and satisfied.

Hold on! Normally, this is where a good sex ed-type piece will say “no, that’s a myth we need to dispel!” Well, in this situation ... that is only half-true. Sexual stamina can be a concern at both ends of the spectrum. And, while it isn't the be-all and end-all that many people think it is, it is definitely a multi-pronged issue that needs some further discussion.

Read: Stamina Training 101

What is sexual stamina?

Basically, sexual stamina is how long you can last in bed. More accurately, in the parlance of our times, sexual stamina usually refers to how long a penis can stay hard before orgasm. To be clear, this doesn’t mean sex has to end just because a penis is done. No way! (You can move on to oral sex or sex toys or all kinds of other fun things!) However, if penetrative sex, with a penis, is your goal, well, a flaccid cock can often put an end to the encounter.

Herein lies our carnal conundrum: how long should a penis last? Is there an optimal duration? Are folks supposed to stay hard and pumping for hours? Do their partners even want that? What if you can’t last longer than a minute? Is a short time an unpleasant time?

Here’s where things get sticky - and the best lube is communication. Mainstream society will tell us that penetrative sex is supposed to last a long time. Whether we’re talking vaginal or anal or oral sex, the “bigger is better” model has taken deep root in our sexual relations. A person with a penis is supposed to be able to hold out until their partner is satisfied and exhausted from multiple orgasms. Then you are allowed to orgasm and then fall into each other’s arms.

OK. But does everybody find this scenario sexy? No. For some, it is not only unappealing, but it could also be uncomfortable and even painful.

On the other hand, some folks do enjoy a long session in the sheets. It works for them. Their bodies do like it.

Let’s also acknowledge that other medical issues, such as erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculations concerns can also be complicating factors.

Sex educator and relationship expert Teela Hudak of Explore Sex Talk reminds us that our bodies, desires and capabilities - and what gets us off - are all different and that is just one factor. “This will vary from partner to partner. It depends on the rest of the sexual interaction as well as the partner's stamina. Each person's sex drive is unique. As a general rule, anyone with a vulva takes much longer to reach orgasm. Once aroused, it can take up to 20 minutes of the right stimulation for them to achieve orgasm. It's also important to note that many people with vulvas can't achieve orgasm from vaginal intercourse - only an estimated 10-12% are able to on a regular basis.”

What is most important is finding that happy medium - the sweet spot of sexual duration that makes everybody happy - whenever possible. Sex can rarely ever be counted with a stopwatch to ensure success, but open talk will ensure neither of you are watching the clock in dread.

“Improving” Sexual Stamina - The Physical Side

Now that you’ve considered each other’s needs and desires, you can really start improving sexual stamina. There are great, fun things you can do alone or with your partner that will give you a better understanding of your sexual self - and how you can best interact together.

Let’s get into some sexual stamina training! As with any activity you jump into, it is important to improve both your physical and emotional skills. These two parts of you work in tandem to produce super-sexy results.