If you’ve got a penis, at some point in time you’ve probably worried that you weren’t going to “last long enough” during penetrative sex to please your partner. You worried about coming too soon - or even before you’d barely begun. (Hey, it happens - a lot!) For some people, it can be a real source of stress and worry that can make them feel insecure and put a dent in the pleasure they might otherwise enjoy.
That said, let’s get one thing clear, for anyone worried about the time it takes you to get off: There’s more to sex than penetration, and much more to sexual pleasure than just an orgasm. Plus, not every partner you have actually wants you to go all night, at least not all the time.
Of course, everyone likes to have some staying power. After all, most women take three to four times longer to reach orgasm during intercourse than men. And not only more time, but more stimulation. Plus, most guys will tell you that the longer the sex, the more intense their orgasm is as well. If your sexual endurance is bothering you, here are a few things you can do to last longer.
That’s right, Kegels aren’t just for people with vulvas. Yes, you do it the same way. Squeeze the muscles you use to hold back urine, hold for a beat, and then release. That’s one rep. Do a set of 10 Kegels, three times a day. You can start slowly and build up to that amount if you need to. Kegels work your pelvic floor muscles and, as you strengthen them, you can delay your orgasm by contracting those same muscles just before you come. Just like any other muscle, it may take days or weeks to see an improvement. Keep at it and it should help you have better control over when you orgasm - and how long you can wait.
Wear a Cock Ring
The most basic cock ring is a stretchy ring that you can place around the base of your shaft or around your testicles. At the other end of the cock ring spectrum, you can buy them with all the bells and whistles from external stimulation for your partner to additional prostate stimulation for you. Regardless of what kind you choose, a cock ring works by restricting blood flow to your penis so once you’re hard, you stay that way longer. You’ll also feel more sensitive, and may experience a longer-lasting orgasm.
Desensitize Your Penis
Do a quick online search about how to last longer, and you’ll likely find link after link to a variety of creams, lubes and sprays that promise to extend your love-making by desensitizing your penis. Most of them do work, but their formulas spread around after application, numbing you too much, and transferring to your partner during penetration. Sure, you’ll have longer-lasting sex, but what fun is that if neither of you is enjoying it? Promescent is a targeted desensitizing spray that absorbs and stays just where you put it. For best control, most guys apply to the frenulum, the dime-sized spot under the head of the penis that controls ejaculation. Rub it in, wait 5 to 10 minutes, and then enjoy time with your partner. Because the formula absorbs and doesn’t spread, you maintain great sensation during penetration and don’t get it on your partner, which means you can keep a good thing going - and feel every bit of it. Plus, unlike a lot of the other shady dick sprays out there, Promescent is the only one with clinical data to prove it works.
Set aside the old, sad comedies of the 1980s and '90s about the young guy who masturbates before a date. It might have been laughable or creepy (depending on the movie and your perspective) but there was also some truth to the method. Most penises need a refractory period after ejaculation before they’re ready to go again. While everyone is unique and some people can get hard and orgasm quickly after their initial climax, many cannot. Wanking before getting intimate with a partner is a method to try, especially if your refractory period is fairly consistent.
You don’t have to be kinky to experience edged orgasms, although it’s something that happens in some power exchange relationships. Edging is the process of getting yourself close to an orgasm and then backing off, taking a moment to temporarily relax from the stimulation, and then starting again. If your partner consents, ask them to give you a handjob or blowjob but let them know when you need to stop - or find a sexy way to stop them yourself - every time you get close to orgasm. You can take “breaks” during penetration to focus on other fun, sexy things your partner enjoys too. The best part is when you finally do orgasm, it's often bigger and better than if you haden't waited it out.
Skip Penetrative Sex Altogether
Sex can be about so much more than putting a penis in a vagina. So, if you want to prolong your orgasm, here’s an easy method: skip penetration. Think about all of the other ways you can make your partner feel good and what they enjoy. Perform oral sex, have fun with the 69 sex position, or use sex toys with each other. Find pleasure in the sexy fun that doesn’t require any penetration, and how long you last won’t even be an issue. If that’s not something you do very often, you may be surprised at how good it feels!
Focus on Your Partner
If penetrative sex is how you prefer (and usually) orgasm with a partner, a great way to last longer is to take the focus off of you until the last minute. Put all of your attention and effort into your partner. Do what makes them feel good. If your partner is capable of multiple orgasms - and willing - see how many you can help them have before you get off. If they want to spend time with soft, slow touches or hard, rough kinky play and not worry about coming, do that instead. Focus on their pleasure and once you’re ready to come, it won’t matter how long you last ... or not.
Blame it on culture, society, or our own expectations, but plenty of people - with or without penises - have ideas of what’s “supposed” to happen when they get naked with a partner. What’s actually supposed to happen is that you both feel good and enjoy your time together, whether you get off or not. But if orgasming sooner than you’d like makes you feel bad or takes away from pleasure for you or your partner, there are things you can do about it.