We're going to roll back a few years to embrace the seminal phrase "You do you." This week's Sex Stories We Love makes the case for working out what is best for your own sex life!
Transitions to Happiness
For far too long, the mental health of transgender and gender non-conforming folks has been questioned. They've been dubbed confused or irresolute when it comes to fitting their gender into one of the two boxes our society has deemed acceptable. Yet even when trans people determine their gender, if it doesn't fit the box they've been told to sit in, they're questioned, mocked, and abused. In reality, this study suggests that trans folks are more in tune with what they need and far more likely to seek mental health help and eventually happier when they achieve the results they desire —which may be gender reassignment surgery. The ability to claim end-over-end increasing happiness after a significant life decision is not something all of us can claim. And this proves that what we need to do is listen to our trans friends and help them work toward the gender solutions that best suits their needs.
Fucktastic First Dates
Can you just imagine how much happier we'd be, in general, if we could wipe the sex stigma plate clean and reconsider all of those pre- and poorly-conceived notions away? For instance, let's talk about our fear of sex on a first date. If you disregard morality doctrines and patriarchal patterns, what is at all wrong with enjoying physical pleasure with someone the first time you meet up? Sex is natural, fun, exciting, and pleasurable activity that many people enjoy...so why is it limited to relationships? We have multiple methods of safer sex that significantly reduce the likelihood of pregnancy and infection transmission, so these fears hold little water. Yet this stigma of being a slut remains...particularly for women. this is one stigma we need to unpack and burn the packaging it came in.
Movement to Mindfulness
One of the great progressions of our recent sex culture has been the movement toward understanding mindfulness and how that can relate to sex. Mindfulness isn't limited to sex. It can impact every aspect in life. When you do relate mindfulness practices and thoughts to sex, you may discover amazing and powerful movement toward better feelings and sexual pleasure. Being able to connect with yourself through touch and thought may help you better connect with others in your life. There is so much in this piece by Jess Joho on mindfulness to overcome sexual trauma that I suggest multiple readings to really take it all in.
Seeking Sober Sex
Speaking of mindfulness, if you choose to explore how it might impact you, don't be surprised if that journey might lead you to question your use of intoxicants. Alcohol and other substances are polarizing elements of our society. Both embraced and reviled, they can also play a dichotomous role in our lives. Substance use has long been associated with sex, in both positive and negative lights. Molly Savard's journey to understand the relationship between sex and alcohol in her life is a great read that offers food for thought.
Sex Work as Life Experience
Rarely do our life experiences exist on an island. Rather, they tend to inform and contribute to future experiences and, often, understanding. The way Melissa Petro was railroaded out of her career as an elementary school teacher because of her past sex work was ridiculous. Being a sex worker at one point in her life doesn't mark her problematic. Neither does openly discussing that past work. Instead, doing so can help her, and possibly others, who may experience similar situations.Being a sex worker helped her understand what kind of person she wanted in a partner and what life would be like as a mother. Now, nearly ten years since that unfortunate dismissal, Melissa shares just how important it is to reflect on your choices and experiences and understand how they connect to the person you are today, tomorrow, and ten years down the road.
You Are What You Eat
Finally, what kind of culinary creation whets your appetite for sexytime? Personally, I'll take a smoothie—as long as it's thick. Don't want to listen to a bunch of slooshing in my belly!
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