RELATIONSHIPS
Top Tips for Watching Porn with a Partner
Published: JUNE 8, 2022
| Updated: JULY 21, 2022 10:16:40
If you are thinking about introducing porn into your relationship, there are things you need to think about. Here's how to make the most out of watching porn with a partner!
There's something magical about feeling "seen" and accepted for your entire spectrum of sexuality.
And yes, that includes that weird porn video I have filmed at an outdoor music festival.
That's the magic of watching porn together with my partner. When I first got into this relationship a long time ago, I would have never dreamed of sharing my porn collection. That was private. I saved what I saved, and there was no one to answer to - no one to have to explain my choices to.
But over time, as I peeked over his shoulder a few times as he watched porn, I found myself curious. What was he watching? What things did he get off to in the not-so-shadowed privacy of our bedroom when I was busy?
One day, I brought it up: would he want to watch porn with me? At the same time? He expressed reservations about whether he was comfortable with that - and whether I'd be okay with the porn he liked - but we both decided to give it a try.
And I'm really glad we did. Not only did I get to discover all of those "dark secrets" in his porn closet, but he got to discover mine. There's, honestly, something really connective in being so vulnerable with your partner and meeting acceptance when you're open about who you are.
On a purely educational level, I learned more about his preferences. I learned what he liked, and we talked about what, specifically, turned him on about specific videos. I learned about a few new kinks I didn't know about, and on a few occasions, I've taken inspiration from those porn videos to try a scene in real-life.
A steamy scene from Lip Service, courtesy of afterglow
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Instead of just sharing links to a new coffee table I think we should get, we now, regularly, share links to porn we think one another would like - or intentionally fan out each other's sex drives with links to content we think would turn the other one on.
Watching porn with my partner wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, though. In fact, we hit a few snags; most of the videos he was bringing to the table featured slender women - and that was an unexpected blow to my self-esteem. I let it eat at me, and I waved off his invitations to joint porn-viewing for awhile. It wasn't until we sat down and I explained my feelings that I got an unexpected explanation: while he very much prefers my thicker body type, almost all of the niche porn he's into is primarily populated by slender-bodied individuals. It can be difficult to find a "niche" body type ("BBW", in porn world terms) partnered with a "niche" kink - as hard as he tries to find them.
We hit snags on his end too. As a self-proclaimed "purveyor of all", my singular focus in porn choices was something we had to work through as well. He found himself getting bored by my choices, and it caused some contention as we figured out a system that worked well for us.
In the end, though, we've managed to find a system that works amazingly for us - and I want to help smooth out the road for anyone else who wants to give joint porn-watching a chance. Because, honestly, it has been amazing for our sex life in a multitude of ways.
A behind the scenes shot from 9 to 5, courtesy of afterglow
Have a Trial Session for Porn Sharing
How often are you asked to share your porn collection with someone else? If you did, with no limitations on how deep they can go into your collection, would you feel embarrassed? Feel like certain things warrant explanation?
The thing is: human sexuality is complicated. The thing you were attracted to in one video may not be the main takeaway from a casual viewing. For example, you might have saved that video of two performers clad in latex, squeaking away because you loved the moans one of them made - not because you're trying to explore a new latex kink.
This is why I recommend having a "trial" session for watching porn with your partner. Instead of assuming of the activity will dive deep into arousal and leave you both craving passionate sex at the end, make a plan to "explore" the idea of watching porn together with no real end goal in mind.
Find Your Common Porn Interests
Once you've decided that you'll do a porn-watching trial run with your partner, I recommend an honest and frank discussion about your porn habits. If one partner always watches amateur porn on a hardcore, membership-only fetish site while the other only listens to audioporn of masturbation, there's clearly going to be a mismatch in what you both select.
This isn't necessarily a problem - but it is something you should discuss. What if one person is bored by audioporn? What if one person is extremely uncomfortable with kink content? Part of exploring porn as a duo means compromise in your standard porn-watching habits. You're here to select things that turn both of you on and help the two of you bond over erotic content - not to make either partner feel alienated.
Especially if one of you is new to pornography, I recommend starting out with an ethical porn site instead of amateur content. Not only does this guarantee better quality overall, but it reduces the risk of stumbling over something that might be upsetting or triggering: professionals put a lot of time and effort into properly labeling their content.
One of the biggest ethical porn sites out there is afterglow. It's porn made by women to intentionally disrupt the "standard" porn experience you've probably had to deal with. (You know, like pop-up ads, tons of slurs for women, and videos that seem to forget vulva-owners can have orgasms.)
A scene from Lip Service, courtesy of afterglow
Instead, afterglow focuses on the pleasure of all performers - while simultaneously delivering seriously hot porn that's made ethically. Featuring a variety of body types, filmed cinematically, and regularly featuring Behind the Scenes videos to get a real feel for how the performers are treated, afterglow is a good space to explore your porn preferences, with films like Lip Service and other steamy titles to choose from.
Want to explore porn with your partner on afterglow? Use code PARTNER22 for a free 7-day trial.
Curate a "Both Of You" Playlist
While you're running your trial runs - and starting your exploration into coupled porn, bookmark (or save, whatever your preferred method is) anything that strikes you both as particularly hot.
Over time, this playlist will grow and grow - and for times when you both want a reliable, unsurprising (but still extremely hot!) way to watch porn without encountering anything unexpected, this playlist can be the perfect tool. I even recommend letting it run, unattended, in the background of your sessions together sometime!
While you're making this playlist, agree to some ground rules about this playlist. To ensure there are never, truly, any surprises, neither partner can add videos to this list without the explicit permission of their partner. To help preserve this, I recommend making secondary playlists for "things I think you'll like" to keep potential videos away from the confirmed videos.
Consider Your Partner's Self-Image When Watching Porn Together
Here's your obligatory reminder: pornography, usually, isn't "real" sex. While ethical porn companies, like afterglow, are getting better at portraying genuine connection and realistic sex, it still isn't the same type of sex you'd have in your own bedroom. The stars are expected to be "on set" for hours, and everything about their coupling is scripted, whether formally or informally, for positions
That being said, despite porn not being a realistic representation of the "average" sexual encounter, it still can have a lot of impact stuffed into its pockets. I highly, highly recommend you be cognizant of how your choice of porn may come across to your partner - especially when the two of you are watching porn together.
For example, if you know your partner is self-conscious about their larger-than-average penis size, selecting porn that only features small penises may not be a pleasant experience. The same can be said about breast size or any other distinguishing characteristics - especially ones that can't be easily changed (height or weight vs hair color, for example).
A scene from Cravings, courtesy of afterglow
Don't forget to take the performer's activities into account as well. If all of usual porn choices feature oral sex on a single gender, an opposite-gender partner might not get much enjoyment out of it - or may feel like your joint porn-watching session is actually trying to guilt-trip them into providing more oral sex. Even if those videos are only so plentiful because you love the expressions the receiver makes, at face-value, it might lead to different conclusions to your partner's viewing.
That's why it's important to...